Boy-Girl Relationships In Islam

Getting Serious About Boy-Girl Relationships in Islam

My very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters I have something of extreme importance to talk to you about. I want to tell you some things about boy-girl relationships, sex, and marriage. I know these are very personal and delicate matters for discussion, but given how essential they are to your life, to the whole Muslim Ummah, and to the future of Islam as our way of life these are matters we must discuss. In Islam it has been made very clear as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable between males and females who are not married to each other, so if all was going well in this critical area of life I wouldn’t need to say anything; but, all is not going well. Please know what I am going to say to you I say only because I love Islam and I care so very much about the future safety, happiness, and success in the lives of all of you although we may have never met.

From what I have been reading, from what parents have been telling me, and from what has been confirmed in discussions with many young Muslim brothers and sisters from countries all across the world it has become clear that more and more young Muslims are not following the guidelines for relationships between boys and girls so clearly set out in Islam. What Islam says is right is easy to remember because we are told that before marriage there is to be virtually no contact at all between males and females. In today’s world, while still a minority, an increasing number of young Muslims are having relationships with members of the opposite sex that are clearly outside the limits set by Islam. These relationships beyond the limits of Islam range from seemingly innocent friendships, to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, all the way to the complete sexual relationship that has been made right by Allah only for those who are married to each other.

Do you think Allah has said there should be virtually no relationship at all between unmarried males and females because He doesn’t want you to have fun? No, Allah has set the rules for right relationships between males and females because He knows for sure what is best for you as an individual and what is best for His Ummah. Allah wants you to have a good time and enjoy the wonderful pleasures of male-female relationships, including the sexual relationship, but He knows you can only experience the greatest joy, and suffer no harm, if you keep your relationships, particularly the sexual relationship, within the necessary guidelines of the right way of life He has given us.

Tough Times for Young Muslims

As you read this message I ask you to keep an open mind until you evaluate everything I have to say. In all parts of our lives we must be sure that what we get is worth what we have to pay. In something so tempting as sexual pleasure there are few who objectively weigh the full costs against those brief moments of gratification. By ‘sexual pleasure’ I mean all the aspects, including the emotional aspect, that lead up to the full expression of the sexual relationship. Allah has placed within both males and females an extremely strong desire to pair off as couples and eventually experience the full sexual relationship. So the feelings of desire for a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex you might be having are entirely natural as it is Allah’s Will that you feel those desires so strongly.

When we look at animal behaviour we see that animals take their sexual pleasure whenever and wherever they can. This is how Allah ensures the continued survival of their species. Never forget that human beings are not animals, so although we have bodies quite similar to animal bodies, and basic needs quite similar to the needs of animals, we relate to our bodies and our needs as beings who have had a God consciousness breathed into us by Allah when we were still in our mother’s womb. This special spiritual nature provides us with many wonderful benefits, but it also presents us with some very serious responsibilities.

These benefits and responsibilities show up quite clearly in relation to the desire for sexual pleasure placed within us by Allah. The benefit is that human beings can experience a level of sustained deep emotional bonding and sexual pleasure far beyond the ability of any animal, but the responsibility is to direct our sexual desires only in the manner set out as the right way of life for us by Allah. Sexual pleasure is only to be experienced between a man and woman married to each other; sometimes this is for the purpose of bringing new human spiritual beings into the world and sometimes it is to allow the ecstasy and the intimacy of the sexual relationship to bond the married man and woman together so strongly as a family, who will be able to raise a new generation of good and right Muslim children within that family, that they become invulnerable to the forces of evil that might attempt to tear the family unit apart.

Most young Muslims in the world today have been heavily influenced by a highly sexualized society around them which says, “Look at the many Western teens or non-Muslim teens in Islamic nations who know no rules except to experience as much pleasure as possible, and who don’t worry about the consequences.” It would be virtually impossible as a young Muslim teen to see the many hundreds of times when unmarried teens are portrayed as boyfriends and girlfriends enjoying the pleasures of sex in movies, songs, and stories from the entertainment of the Western world without having the thought cross your mind something like, “Hey, that looks like fun, if they are doing it why shouldn’t I do it too.” Well, I would like to make sure you know what comes along with what has been called “free sex,” because it turns out that sex isn’t free after all, and the cost is going to probably be much more than you would be willing to pay – if you knew what the true cost was.

First, what are the benefits? Well, you might get a relationship with member of the opposite sex that could take away some of the personal loneliness so common in today’s world; you might get to be seen by your peers (if they don’t know better) as someone who is modern and cool; you might feel you are breaking out of restrictions imposed on you by a religion and culture that you didn’t choose for yourself; you might feel not left out if many others around you are doing the same thing; it might make you feel better about yourself knowing someone ‘really’ likes you; and, of course there is the obvious fun and physical pleasure that naturally comes from experiencing the various aspects of the intimate and sexual relationship.

Some of those benefits result in the fulfillment of natural human desires, even if done wrongfully; but, some of those so-called benefits have been conditioned into your thinking against your will by the wrongful influences of the secular materialist society that exists outside the Muslim Ummah. If you ever find yourself experiencing envy of the ‘freedom’ and the lifestyle of the American teens as portrayed in the media please ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. “Who do you think is better equipped to make decisions about what is a right way to live, the average American teen who has never even heard of Allah and Islam, or you who are a Muslim teen who has been Blessed with the opportunity to at least know of Allah’s existence and to understand a little bit about the Islam He gave us as the right way of life? If you don’t know that you are much better qualified than the average godless, pleasure seeking American teen to know right from wrong then you had better start using that wonderful brain Allah put in your head a little better.

The Real Price of a Kiss

Now let me list some of the costs of those early intimate and sometimes sexual relationships experienced before you are married and it all becomes lawful to you. The list might seem a bit long, but that’s because the costs are many. Be honest in your judgment as you read of these costs and see if I am being fair and truthful with you in all that I say. I will be presenting the costs of relationships that have gone as far as full sexual behaviour, but even if you haven’t gone that far, which I pray you haven’t, many of these costs must be paid for the relationship whether there was sex or not. These costs are not being presented in any particular order I am just trying to make sure I don’t miss any costs because I do not want you, my very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, to have to suffer the consequences of paying so much more in the future than you ever expected to pay for taking some forbidden but temporary pleasure now.

  • We will start with one of the really ugly costs, disease. Promiscuity (sleeping around) can lead to a wide range of very nasty diseases. The effects of these diseases can go from simple pain and discomfort, to disfigurement, to other lifelong diseases such as cancer, to the inability to have children, and even to painful lingering death. For example, did you know that females who have slept with three or more people over a lifetime are 15 times more likely to get cervical cancer than those who didn’t? Weigh these facts highly as you make decisions about relationships before marriage.

  • Another cost is divorce. In Islam it is expected a married couple will stay married forever and enjoy their family life till they die. This is the way Allah wants it to be for our greatest happiness. The reality is that couples who engage in sex before marriage are many times more likely to divorce.
  • This is a sad cost, adultery. The more relationships you have before marriage, the more likely you are to commit adultery after marriage, and so is the person you marry. No good marriage can tolerate adultery, adultery is certain to cause great unhappiness to the married couple and to destroy the good family life necessary for the development of a right society. But, isn’t it logical that if you don’t follow the rules about having sex before marriage that you are not very likely to follow the rules about having sex after marriage.
  • Many young Muslim girls never expected such things as unwed motherhood, unwanted children, and abortion to enter their lives, but those terrible things do sometimes happen when you have wrong relationships; they happen much more often than anyone wants to admit. Unwed pregnancy, how would you like to tell your parents about this one? Even worse, you would be bringing a child into the world and this child may be very unwanted, are you going to be able to care for this child and the sacred soul Allah has placed within that child? Or what about an abortion, not only is that likely to be committing a great sin, but you would be killing a new human being growing within you. Does it make you feel sad to think about this? It makes me sad.

  • Here are some depressing statistics about suicide. Sexually active boys are more than twice as likely to have depression and almost ten times more likely to attempt suicide than boys who wait until marriage. Teenage girls who have premarital sex are three times more likely to have depression than girls who aren’t sexually active. Also, teenage girls who are sexually active are about three times more likely to attempt suicide than those who aren’t sexually active. See what I mean about being depressing?
  • You could end up being a (well I won’t say that word), let’s just say you could end up being very promiscuous. What did you expect? The decision to have sex the first time is probably the hardest, but once you have done it I’m sure it must get easier to do the second time, and third, and forth, and so on until you are no longer counting. Oh please don’t get to that point. By the way, know for sure what I am saying here applies to boys just as much as to girls. Islam is about equality and boys and girls are most definitely equally responsible to keep themselves away from wrong relationships and pure for marriage.
  • So you only did it because you were totally sure you were going to marry him or her, so why wait. Too bad; statistics show people who have sex with each other before marriage usually don’t end up marrying each other.
  • Some people believe that you have to have lots of practice to get good at sex and if you are not already good at sex before you marry you will have a second rate love life when married. Well, contrary to that popular belief, studies show those who do choose to wait for sex until marriage are not doomed to a second-class sex life at all. Instead they usually have significantly higher levels of sexual satisfaction and marital contentment. I guess nothing is so romantic and erotic as having a marriage partner who has never experienced those most intimate moments with anyone but you. Seems reasonable to me!
  • Some people say sex isn’t really a big deal; people just make a big deal about it. They would say that having a ‘wrong’ sexual relationship isn’t a very wrong thing to do, if wrong at all it is just a tiny wrong. Well personally I trust the word of Allah not the opinion of some teen boy or girl with highly active hormones affecting their judgment. This is what Allah has to say about fornication (the technically correct name for illegal sexual intercourse).

“Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred, except for just cause, nor commit fornication; and any that does this (not only) meets punishment (but) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy.”
(Al-Furqan, 25:68-69).

In this verse from the Qur’an, the sin of fornication is given its seriousness by being ranked as follows: the most major sin of all is associating partners with Allah Most High (shirk); the second most major sin is murder; and the third most major sin is fornication. And if you are interested in what Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had to say about fornication we have this, “The one who commits illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer at the time of committing illegal sexual intercourse.” I would say wrong sexual intercourse is not some small wrong, but is actually a very, very major wrong. Don’t forget, the crime of zina (illegal sexual intercourse) is one of the very few offences that Allah has considered so important that He has prescribed a specific punishment, in this case it was, and still is, one hundred strokes of the cane.

  • Then there are those who want to say sex can’t be wrong because it is so much fun, and anything that is as much fun as sex couldn’t possibly be wrong. Well, I have to say that fun is most definitely not a good measure of what is right or wrong. Do you think that shaitan (Satan) is going to try to lead you away from the path of goodness and right by offering only things you don’t like? No, of course he is going to make going against the Will of Allah seem like fun. Shaitan tries to prevent people from knowing and accepting Allah’s truth and gaining eternity in Paradise by distracting them with sin that is fun. For those who are Muslim, he will attempt to turn them away from Allah. One method shaitan uses quite successfully is to make people feel unworthy because of the sin they committed to have fun. Once you feel unworthy of Allah it is much easier to turn away from Him.
  • There are still others who want to claim sex can’t be wrong because it is natural (and of course sex is natural, but for humans only when done rightly, which means in the beautiful marriage relationship). To prove that all sex is natural, they give examples of wild animals, like monkeys, who have all kinds of sex all over the place with no inhibitions. They attempt to degrade human beings to the level of wild animals, and then justify their deeds by finding examples of free sexual behaviour in the animal world. They are, in the Qur’anic expression, “like cattle, nay they are more astray; they are the heedless ones.” (Al A’araf 7: 179).One of the purposes of Islam is to establish that we are not animals, and to put us on the right path so that we will not behave like animals. This certainly weakens the “all sex is natural because animals do it” argument. And, wouldn’t you rather act like a God-centered, spiritual human being than an animal? I know I would.
  • Sometimes young Muslims, who sincerely do not intend to stray from the right path as far as having a sexual relationship, justify their boyfriend/girlfriend relationships by this noble intention of abstinence. Unfortunately studies have shown that the more time a couple spends alone together, the more likely they are to wind up in bed! And that is true even if they begin with the firmest intention of abstinence. Best not to believe you can resist temptation if you are given too much opportunity.
  • Do you think you can be involved in a wrong boy and girl relationship, particularly if it includes sex, and keep being a good Muslim? Can you pray and fast with sincerity and carry on an unlawful sexual relationship? I think that might not be possible. Going against the Will of Allah in a matter so important as sex means that you will be more likely to go against the Will of Allah in other matters also, possibly eventually leaving Islam. How terrible for your life, how terrible for the whole Muslim Ummah, we could possibly lose the benefits of Islam for the whole world just because some could not wait for the pleasures of sex until it is made right for them after marriage. What a huge price to pay.
  • Then of course there is the price you could end up paying for eternity. What if on Judgment Day the price you must pay for your wrong relationships and unlawful sexual behaviour is that you are sent to Hellfire instead of to Paradise? Some young Muslims give little thought to Judgment Day, but we know Judgment Day is certain and everything will happen exactly the way we have been told by Allah through revelation. Consider how you would feel then. It would indeed be an awesome mistake to not take this possibility with all the necessary seriousness.

This list could go on forever so I will make this the last, but it involves something so very special, so very precious, that even without all the other costs this one alone makes wrong relationships between boys and girls, young men and young women, far too high a price to pay. This cost involves the relationship between husband and wife in marriage. InshaAllah, you will be married for a very long time and of course you want that married relationship to be very special and very wonderful in every way. But the reality is that any relationships you have with members of the opposite sex before marriage chip away some of what should make the relationship between husband and wife so exquisitely special. Allah wanted to make the marriage relationship so very special that married couples would care so deeply for each other that neither partner would ever want to stray through adultery or separate through divorce. It should be the most wonderful worldly relationship possible. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the relationship, in particular the sexual relationship, in a marriage becomes. So the reason that relationships before marriage make your husband or wife less special to you is that to some degree whatever has been done with others before makes your marriage partner just one more in the line of persons who have shared that part of the relationship with you which should have been held as a trust for the one you marry. By not waiting for that special moment when you first marry you make that special moment no longer special. This is true of all aspects of relationships before marriage, but it is of particular importance for that most special of all parts of the marriage relationship, the sexual part. Sex is a precious gift from Allah. This gift can only be given away for the first time once. Wouldn’t this be a great gift for that one person who will be with you for the rest of your life?

I hope from this discussion of boy-girl relationships before marriage you are now better able to weigh what you get objectively against how much you have to give. Be honest with yourself, can you really say it is worth it? It seems the benefits of waiting until marriage are so great that no other possible choice should be possible.

Beyond the Limits – Allah’s Mercy Awaits You

Because some of you who read this may have already gone beyond what is right in Islam, I don’t want to scare you into believing that now you have no chance at all for a happy, successful marriage. A good marriage is still possible, but sadly, less likely. So if you have already lost the opportunity to make your marriage the most special it could possibly be by waiting to partake in the rights of marriage, then you should immediately begin doing what ever you can to make your chances for a successful marriage as good as possible. You should of course, no matter what has happened so far, repent sincerely to Allah, and promise Him and yourself with total sincerity that you will do all you can from this point on to steal no more from the ‘special’ nature of your future marriage. And, you should be prepared after marriage to treat the one you marry with an extra degree of love, tenderness, and kindness far beyond anything you have ever experienced before.

Please know that I have absolutely no doubt that the limits of boy-girl relationships before marriage set by Allah are correct and offer by far the best way to ensure a happy and successful marriage. But, I understand very well the pressures of the modern world, and pressures from peers, upon young Muslims, so I am going to do something I wish I did not have to do. I am going to suggest, for those who for whatever reason can not or will not follow the way of life Allah has made lawful for you, an alternative that, while not right, will still protect you and your future marriage from the most severe effects of the harm that could come from wrong relationships.

First let me suggest a common pattern of how boy-girl relationships can get started and how they can go so wrong. In almost everything we do we don’t jump right in at the final behaviour in its fullness, we move in a series of small steps. Possible likely steps in the development of a wrong relationship could be as follows: you see someone of the opposite sex at school that you feel some attraction to; one day you smile at that person; next you might say hello to the one you like; then you might start talking regularly with that person; then you might let the person know you like them; then you might become good friends; then you might become sort of a couple; then you might arrange a date; then you might become boyfriend and girlfriend; then you might arrange to meet alone somewhere; you might hold hands; you might hug and kiss; the kissing might become more intimate; there might be some wrong touching, sexual but not yet intercourse; then you might end up going all the way to illegal sexual intercourse; then you might do it again and again, maybe changing partners; then you might begin to suffer the most harmful of consequences. It makes me very sad to think this could happen to any of my very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, but I am sure you know it is happening to some.

I really badly don’t want your lives ruined by this increasingly common pattern of behaviours that lead to the most wrong of boy-girl relationships. So I offer the following as a suggestion to those who for whatever reason choose not to live according to the Will of Allah. To those wonderful young Muslims who have been, and are, able to follow rightly the commands of Allah I am indeed most pleased and may Allah give you extra Blessings. You do not need what I am about to suggest, just continue to live Islam in its purest form.

A Dangerous Suggestion

For those who still choose to stray from Allah’s commands, I say this to you; take some of the pleasure of the boy-girl relationship, but do not take so much that it harms you in the worst ways. To do this you have to set some limit as to how far you will go in the wrong boy-girl relationship. As I look at the likely steps in the progression of relationships I see that there is a natural point where the risk of harm, particularly leading to the greatest harm, becomes clear. In that progressive sequence in the development of wrong relationships the point where you become at risk of greatest harm is when you agree to meet and be alone. Remember earlier in this discussion, “studies have shown that the more time a couple spends alone together, the more likely they are to wind up in bed.”

What I am suggesting is that if you cannot or are not willing to do what is right and best then at least keep to a limit that will minimize the harm to you and to your future marriage. If you set the absolute limit at only those parts of the boy-girl relationship that can take place if you are never ever to be alone together you can still have quite a bit of the fun and pleasure of having as a friend a member of the opposite sex you like a lot, talking to them, and even being some sort of couple. Actually this is a lot. The fact that many of our wonderful young Muslims, who have friendships with a member of the opposite sex, do sincerely have the intention of abstinence makes the commitment to never be alone together all the more likely to be effective. Still you are stealing some part of what is special and should ideally be held only until after marriage, but you are retaining the most intimately precious parts until they can be experienced rightly with the one you marry.

Remember, this can only work if that limit of never being alone together is totally absolute. To make sure this limit is never passed it must be understood that no person in the relationship would ever even suggest in any manner at all to the other that they should meet in a way that allows them to be alone together. Make sure right from the beginning that the person you like understands how strongly you feel about this matter, and that they feel the same. If your friend were even to suggest meeting alone this should be sufficient evidence that the person you liked is not a right person to have a relationship with; and, you should be completely willing to end a relationship with anyone who would care so little about harming you and your whole future just to satisfy their selfish needs. For this plan to work it is critical that the Ummah around you, your Muslim peers, feel so deeply concerned about this matter that they would not only look very unfavourably on those who chose to be alone together, but also on anyone who would even suggest being alone together. This has to become an unbreakably strong social taboo. All must understand that, “No, it is NOT cool!”

What I have suggested is clearly not right according to Islam, but I feel the circumstances of today’s world require me to offer you an alternative that is outside the limits of Allah’s command. I do this in hopes that by offering this alternative to a greater wrong you can be protected against the greatest harm, and that this can be an early step in the progression toward a future Muslim Ummah where no alternatives are needed and ALL young Muslims fully follow Islam, the way of life made right for us by Allah. So if you decide against the command of Allah to still have a boyfriend or girlfriend but never ever be alone together don’t do it thinking what you are doing is right, do it knowing what you are doing is still wrong; and, plan to do what is the right Islamic way as soon as your iman (faith and pious desire to do what is right) is ready for that change. Do it only because you know a small harm is better than a great harm, while no harm at all is always the very best.

The Path to Paradise?

Because feelings of love and desire are so strong more acknowledgement must be given to the powerful need to be part of a couple that is being felt by both young Muslim boys and girls. No one should doubt that these feelings are very real and completely natural; by natural I mean Allah has placed those feelings within all human beings. Allah has prepared boys and girls both physically and mentally to be ready to bond as a permanent couple through marriage with a member of the opposite sex at quite a young age. That age is probably about 16-18 years old.

Please do not misunderstand, I am not by any means saying that all or even most young Muslims who fall into that young age range are emotionally ready for marriage. I am saying that under the right circumstances virtually all could be ready; but, in today’s world I would say very few are actually emotionally ready. This presents a significant problem for young Muslims because in most nations of the developed world, and increasingly in the developing world, the average age for marriage has now become about 25-30 years old. This means that after Allah has prepared you for love and marriage you might have to wait another ten or fifteen more years to partake of those most wonderful pleasures.

Waiting ten or more years after you have been made ready for a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex to finally experience that relationship is an awesome task to contemplate. This alone might be one of the many reasons some young Muslims today are finding it so difficult to obey the limits placed by Allah and end up in boy-girl relationships beyond that which is known to be right. How hard it must be in today’s pleasure oriented world to live conscientiously by what Allah has said is right for all those years while feeling the powerful natural desires for love He has placed within you. This effort would be made even more difficult by knowing that many of the world’s non-Muslim youth are uncaringly partaking of these pleasures, and even some of your Muslim friends and peers might have boyfriends and girlfriends.

Young Muslims for over a thousand years had been able to resist the temptations of a relationship with the opposite sex beyond the limits set by Allah. To understand why that was so we must understand how all aspects of human consciousness and behaviour are conditioned by the influences of the environment we grow up in. In the past the temptation of a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex before marriage, while still alluring, was combined with a wide range of very powerful social influences almost invariably saying that to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage was so terribly and intolerably wrong that it would be virtually inconceivable to do such a thing. In today’s increasingly Godless world the temptation of a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex before marriage has virtually none of those very powerful social influences saying that to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage is terribly and intolerably wrong, but today’s secular world does provide an untold number of seemingly plausible reasons, justifications, and inducements encouraging young Muslims to indulge in just such wrongful boy-girl relationships.

Given these are the realities our dear Muslim youth face today I am going to make one more suggestion that could help keep the wondrously beautiful institution of marriage pure and innocent as Allah intended. I am relieved to say that this suggestion is well within the limits placed by Allah, although it is not within the prevailing cultural practices of the modern world. Since Allah has prepared young Muslims for love and marriage at a very young age, and for much of the history of Islam marriage has taken place at a young age, maybe we should return to that practice today. If Allah prepares us for marriage at a young age doesn’t it seem right we should marry at a young age? If young Muslims only had to wait a year or two after the time that Allah prepared them mentally and physically for marriage, rather than to wait the seemingly interminable ten to fifteen years that modern culture dictates, might not virtually all Muslim youth be willing and able to restrain themselves from coupling until that intimate love is made right for them by marriage?

My dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, upon reading this suggestion please do not rush out planning to get married at a very tender age. To make early marriage work will be no easy task. At the time when Muslims married at a young age we had a much more right Islamic society for those marriages to flourish in. The social conditions and influences in today’s world are definitely aligned against successful young marriage. If we wish to reintroduce marriage at an early age for young Muslims we must do everything we can to ensure a society conducive to making those youthful marriages successful.

Making the Impossible Possible

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could resolve the problem of young Muslims straying from what Allah has allowed in relationships with the opposite sex by simply reintroducing youthful marriage, which has traditionally been accepted within Islam? I have thought long and hard over this matter and I have not been able to come up with any other viable solution to the multifaceted problem of Muslim youth disobeying the command of Allah to participate in wrongful relationships with the opposite sex other than reinstituting early marriage as the norm within our ummah.

If we are going to suggest early marriage as the solution to the relationship difficulties facing Muslim youth then we must do everything within our power to help ensure the success of those early marriages. I see two important hurdles which must be overcome in order to give early Muslim marriages any real chance for success. There will be other difficulties to be sure, but if we can find a solution for these two then we will be well on our way toward making happy and successful early marriage among Muslim youth an achievable accomplishment. The first prerequisite for success will be to find some way to make sure that young Muslims make the right choice of a marriage partner. The second precondition for success would be to find some way to make sure that the young Muslim married couples do not succumb to the tremendous burden of financial stress during those delightful but fragile beginning stages of married life.

We must get over the widely accepted idea that so-called ‘love marriages’ are somehow more desirable than marriages arranged for good Islamic purposes. That is a completely untrue belief that has been wrongly conditioned into the minds of many young Muslims by the powerful influences of a Godless decadent culture. Young Muslims must come to realize the full meaning and deep truths behind the much repeated cliché, ‘love is blind’. Most young Muslims would have no idea at all how incredibly and exceedingly blind love can be. When the heart experiences love the eyes and the mind can become totally oblivious to the most obvious of faults.

Although arranged marriages have recently fallen well out of fashion, they really did have a lot going for them. There is no question of the reality that arranged marriages have generally been happier, more successful, and long lasting. There are many logical reasons for this. First and foremost among the reasons is the obvious fact that parents will have a much more objective perception of the overall suitability of the prospective marriage partner for their son or daughter. Even if modern Muslim youth do not want to give their parents complete responsibility for choosing a good marriage partner for them, they should at least have a wholehearted acceptance of the fact that they must never marry the person they choose for themselves without the unqualified approval of their parents. To refuse their parents full right of approval would indeed be to court disaster.

The other crucially important circumstance that must be taken into consideration is the financial situation. In many cases youth in their late teens will either be going on for further education or they will not be able to have access to employment that provides sufficiently for the financial needs of the young married couple. It is only right if we want to successfully reintroduce marriage at a young age that Muslim parents, relatives, and Islamic society all be prepared with a generous, loving heart to help the young married couples financially to the degree that money never becomes a hindrance to a happy and successful marriage.

If done rightly and with sincerity the return to youthful marriage within our Muslim Ummah could provide other benefits besides helping to ensure right relationships and loving marriage for future generations. It could help reinforce the traditionally strong Muslim family relationships as generations work together helping their children have happy and successful marriages. It could vastly increase the feeling of love and appreciation by Muslim youth for their parents and their extended family relationships. It could bring the attention of our ummah to the fact that the original practices of Islamic life according to the limits set by Allah are indeed still the very best way to live, even in the hectic modern world. It might motivate our Muslim Ummah to work ever harder to help transform the very wrong society of today’s world into a much more right Islamic society as we attempt to provide the best possible social environment that can nurture our most dear Muslim youth as they strive to have happy and successful Islamic marriages. And importantly, it could help protect young Muslims, during the often perilous university years, from harmful social influence and participation in wrong activities, and at the same time it would likely focus their minds more fully on their studies, their family, and their future.

All’s Well That Ends Well

It is my prayer that in this short, but reasonably insightful, discussion of boy-girl relationships, sexual behaviour, and marriage that I have been able to help you make right decisions in this most important area of your life. Please do not ever do something that can hurt you in a way that you can never fully recover from. I love all of you and care about all of you so very much that any harm that comes to you or your life hurts me also. You very dear young Muslims are the future of the Ummah; you are the future of Islam in our world. By following Allah’s commands you can now help ensure a wonderful married life for yourself and your future family, and at the same time you can be part of a new generation of Muslims who refuse the worldly influences that take so many from the beauty and rightness of Islam and do your part to make right all the wrongs of the world. The world of the future can be a virtual Paradise on Earth. This is the destiny offered us by Allah.

Prof. Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi
(December, 2005 – revised January, 2006)

Note: The author returned to Allah’s rahmah in 2006 – a few months after completing the above article. In fact he did not get the chance of viewing this work when the printing of small booklet of the above article was completed just a few days after his demise.


Watch author’s videos here:

Islamic Solution to the World”s Problem (Part 1):
Islamic Solution to the World”s Problem (Part 2):
Scientific Proof to the Existence of God (Part 1) –
Scientific Proof to the Existence of God (Part 2) –
The Creation of the Universe (Part 1) –
The Creation of the Universe (Part 2) –
The Creation of the Universe (Part 3) –
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848 responses to “Boy-Girl Relationships In Islam

  1. Assalamwaalaykum.
    I read your article, and for the first time, i do not feel confussed about such issues, i would like to sincerly thank you for this valuable peice of writing, for it has proven to be very insightful.
    I also want to thank you, for showing me the right path again, before it is to late, i have made some alterations with my lfie and the choices i have made, and i have never felt happy and more in touch with my religion.
    May Allah grant youa nd your family good health and happiness.
    Thank you.

    • lasonrisa

      I have made some wrong choices when it comes to the opposite gender – certainly not as far as intercourse or even kissing, but I have hugged, etc. I do feel guilty about this, and I would like to change – I hope God accepts my repentance… and I hope I do not make any more mistakes. Thank you for the article

      • alena seena

        same case is with me…..but i kiised my bf…and 2day i camed to knew dat he was just enjoying…even though i didnt knew dat its haram……ill pray fr every one who is in dis prob dat Allah almighty may forgive us…ameeen….

      • i also did that..hugging,kissing,and all. i read this..i know that what i have done was wrong and i feel guilty.but i love him..i cant forget him he also loves me very sincierly i would like to marry him. we believ that allah will make us together.i cant be a wife other one.i want to be his wife.already my body is taken by him so it is better to live together by our parents opinion! am i right? if am not please help me..

      • Randa

        My reply for Safiya ! I’m Exactly in your case . But i think the best choice is tellling him if he really wants u to be his wife .. to stop those bad habits. and don’t forget when you reaally want him that thos years you will wait to marry him are too short comparing your marriage life. so why not to wait until marriage.. 🙂
        May ALLAh forgive us .. Ameen !

    • jesse

      My cousin is in her thirties and i feel like its not her fault that she is not married not only that i just noticed how u spell shatian my cousin’s name is spelled shannan. she has a male friend who is jahova witness who would always say satan and i couldnt understand why. We hope that Allah gives are male spouses and understanding to treat us better and not mark our names.

    • Assalamwaalaykum

      I read this piece of information , my name is amoghavarshini..I want 2 ask a question and the question is that i was in a relationship with a muslim guy….his name is maliksan . He did supported to my love but then after some time he told me that he was in a relationship with another girl of his caste… it a good thing that being a relationship with a girl of his caste and having another relationship with me but at last he ditched me…..i mean in islam women are given the respect and all…..what kind of person he is…..? what he wanted from me or by playing prank with me what did he achieved i want 2 know the answer….when people like maliksan do like this…please do answer to my message

      • nazia

        assalamallaikum i have just read your article i like it so much and i feel so happy after read it beacuse now i knw avrything about boyes and girls relationship in islam and if i had made any misteks pls pray that allah forgive me for that mistakes aameen summa aamin khudahafiz

      • Ali

        walaikum assalam

        You were not supposed to be in such a relationship in the first plqce, thst id what the article is saying!

      • kizrum

        its wrong in islam to ditch any one. in islam the huqooq ul ibad(human rights) is much more important than even huqooq ul Allah (rights of Allah), its only on you that you forgive him and if not he will face penalty on the day of judgement.

      • Communication is key in any relationship. If he truly loved you then he would have not went and established a relationship with another woman of his cast. Even with that being said, what he did is a form of deceit and it is completely wrong in Islam. Allah truly knows what is in the hearts of the deceivers and he should apologize to you and repent to God. But the advise that I would give you is to be patient and move on.

      • tayyaba

        walaikum assalam Amoghvarshini.i apologize on that muslim guy’s behalf for decieving you.hes certainly not following islam properly thats why he did such a mischievious deed. May Allah guide him. Please dont be misled about islam by what he did to you.Islam is a complete certainly tells us to give great respect to women and condemns cheating and deceit.We have a very high value in Islam n i m very proud to be a Muslim girl.
        P.S its nice to see you wrote ‘Assalamoalaikum’ at the begining of your message:) read Quranic translations and more about our religion and em sure you’ll be inspired.:)

      • Randa

        First of All .. I feel Sorry about what happened to you. These guy who you are talking about isn’t a real muslim.. and i’m totally sure that he doesn’t even know something about islam. he’s just called muslim because he was born in a muslim society . and that’s the case of the majority in our Muslim Countries :s

      • GL

        Whatever it is that you did with this guy, I really doubt he loved you. It depends what you two did. But no, if a guy is in a relationship with two girls at the same time, that is wrong. So he wasn’t such a good person.

    • Shahrukh

      Allah Humma Ameen

    • I don’t understand though why girls and boys can’t be good friends. I am a 15 year old Muslim who used to be very religious, but for the last 3 years I have seriously lost my faith, and cannot attain it. I am afraid of consulting with my family as they are very religious, yet I wasn’t informed of the boy-girl thing until very recently. I don’t see why it is a problem. Plus my parents are strict so I can’t exactly talk to a imam, as they would find out also. Despite losing faith, I still pray five times a day, read two different quran’s twice a day, fasted every Ramadan, and other religious events. Fear of God and sin keeps me going. But I am so conflicted.

      What do I do?

      • Naomi

        Hi maryamnaz

        I’m converting to Islam following being an atheist and my social circles are anything but religious (which I’m slowly moving away from). I’ve found it really helpful to talk to people who are practicing or are knowledgeable. You can talk to people on live chat at . I started to find out because I was disputing with someone why it had to be so strict so I started to read, but it made no sense because I wasn’t starting from the beginning (which this person was repeatedly telling me to do)… And when I did, i couldn’t argue that everything was logical and had a reason and despite being revealed over 1500 years ago is still applicable to this day. So if I managed to go from a complete disbeliever to converting to Islam I’m sure that site will help you reaffirm your faith… To me it sounds like you have a lot more faith than you think you do, and I would like to hope your parents would rather know what you are feeling so they can help you through it rather than struggling by yourself… Best of luck, really hope things get better for you and you don’t feel so lost.

      • Thanks, but I really feel its much more complicated than that. But I will check out the website indicated below. Hopefully it helps, but there are still some fundamental questions that need to be answered and some clear gender inequality issues I just cant seem to make sense of. Thanks anyway!

  2. kazi

    salaams, that was very helpful information on the relationships. i would just like to know if you coud please email me back, what if the relationship is a good one, like no holding hands or anything just being like friends? would that also be considered an intimate relationship?

    • jon23

      brother.. pls let me know if your question has been answered.. thank you very much..

    • schazil

      please email me too…i’ve the same issue…my email’s

      thanks indeed

    • mrbellyboy

      i have the same problem …i wanna kno if only freindship with girl is allowed in islam ..i mean no kisses hugs..just talking ..not bad talking…just like freindz…
      i dont think its a sin .. if it is plz let me kno ..and i want answer from authentic source ..
      plz plz plz plz help
      email me on

    • Abdullah

      Please brother email me if you got an answer !

    • Nisa

      let me know the answer too .. :/

    • Abdullah Khan

      I have the same question as this brother.Please reply me at this email.””.As quick as possible.THANKS.
      my name is Abdullah.

      • Rashid

        brothers and sisters….If you really want to know…..i have tried a lot to find something in between….but The answer is ‘NO’ and a clear ‘NO’ …there is no clean boy-girl relationship in Islam… but as the article suggested a dangerous suggestion that you can steal a little instead of stealing everything. but personally I believe even this suggestion is not right…. i have been engaged in some really clean friendships…but i never felt right about it…May Allah forgive me.

        May Allah make and keep us stead fast and righteous Ameen

      • sophie

        people, i think it’s fine to just be friends if you don’t touvh each other because if nyou might as well lock yourself in the house because there is bound to be interaction with the opposite gender if you live in the same world. and can i just say, i don’t think thee is anyone really properly runing this website anymore because professor Mahadi ( the person who wrote the article, which is actually a book) passed away in 2006 after battling cancer for two years. My mother knew him personally as she was his student and sh went to his clsses for three years and later when he opened a school, she was on the board. I went to the school myself.

      • Randa

        Well.. Love cannot be controled .. so how could i just let the man i loved go if i cannot marry him because of our little age? for me it’s impossible.I Love him he does the same . the problem is that we’re too young we’re just 18th . and we study together in the first year of a university but we know each others from high school. and I cannot stop my relation with him right now. Because I’ve done bad things with him that i feel guilty about it and i can’t marry someone else because of those things . and i cannot imagine my self with another. ” Al Islam Din yusr walaysa 3usr” So why we make it so hard infront of us.
        Eventhought i don’t really advise who doesn’t ever have a relationship to try it before the age of marriage .. after studies and so the relation ship before marriage won’t be Long.
        I Don’t say that i’m sure and you are wrong but it’s my point of vieww right now . it may change .. and we are here to discuss it 🙂

      • brother read my comment below.

    • sameer z hussain

      assalamu alaikum…

      i’m in love with a girl who i barely meet..i meet her once in 3 or 4 months and we are in conact only through phone…she’s very religious and i’m very much happy to have got her who makes me in our islamic path…we have problems with our languages like im a tamil guy and she’s a muslim girl,..does it make any difference for us? what is the right way to meet her because it’s once in a blue moon for us..we have been in situations like kisses on cheeks alone…please do help me with my query…thank you

      • Eunice

        I am a lady with a baby boy of 4 years that was abandoned by my husband i loved my family so much that i thought this will never happen to me and my baby i tried my best to be a caring and loving wife and mother to my family and also manage my time as a worker, until a intruder turned my joy to pains who took my husband from me in six months, i was in a beauty saloon when i met a lady we got talking and i told her my problems and she made all my pains turn into joy when she introduced me to a black magic doctor called Dr NICE he has been of help to me and baby and to many other men and women he put a smile on your face if you believe and trust him all you have to do is to follow his instructions and all your problems will be solved .you can contact him on this email (

        Mrs Eunice from Canada

    • brothers and sisters, this might help you. Lower Your Gaze..
      Posted on January 12, 2012

      A young man came to a scholar and said, “I am a young man with strong desires. I cannot help looking at people (girls) when I am in the bazaar (market). What do I do?” The scholar handed him a cup of milk that was full to the brim, and told him to deliver it to an address that would take the young man directly through the bazaar (market). He then instructed the young man that the milk should not spill, and the man said that it would not.

      The scholar then summoned one of his students and told him to accompany the man through the bazaar to the destination, and to severely beat him if any milk were to spill. This man successfully took the milk to the destination and returned to give the good news to the scholar. The scholar asked, “Tell me, how many sights and faces did you see in the bazaar?”

      The man replied incredulously, “Scholar, I didn’t even realize what was going on around me. I was only fearful of the beating and disgrace that I would have to endure in public if a drop of milk were to spill.”

      The scholar smiled and said, “It is the same with a believer. The believer fears that Allah may disgrace him in front of the entire creation on the Day of Judgment if his faith were to spill over from his heart.”

      Such people save themselves from sin because they constantly remain focused on the Day of Judgment.

      “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.” (Quran, 24:30)

      Source –


      • Also, here some Ayats from The Holy Quran, that will make to us somethings clear,In Shaa Allah, given followed with true judgement. All Ayats are from Surah Nur (24th Surah). SISTERS ESPECIALLY READ AYAT (24-31).

        O you who have believed, do not follow the footsteps of Satan. And whoever follows the footsteps of Satan – indeed, he enjoins immorality and wrongdoing. And if not for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy, not one of you would have been pure, ever, but Allah purifies whom He wills, and Allah is Hearing and Knowing. Surah-Nur (24-21).

        Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. (24-30)

        And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. (24-31)

        Brothers and sisters, The Quran details all our answers for all of us. So let’s become a nation that instead of following Satan, the accursed, should follow righteousness and give tell others of righteousness. For this is possible, very possible, when we understand the Quran.

        Here is a translation website for Quran, for him who does not have the means to get a translated copy of the Quran.



    I had some big problems about these maters and nobody was there to teach i thought it,And learned a part of islam.Jasakallahuhair.
    May Allah grant youa nd your family good health and happiness.

  4. imran

    Dear Amanullah,

    I’m glad to hear from people who are receptive to the truth like yourself.

  5. Zeinab

    Assalam ou 3alaikoum
    I would just like to say that this has been one of the best articles I have read about Islamic relationships, well written and straight to the truth
    Barak Allah feekom

  6. aliakz

    This site has given me a greater insite
    on the serious issues which have been revolving around nowadays. I have learnt from the mistakes i made in the past and this site has truly helped me more by backing my reasons up to stay single and stick to the right path till marraige and allowing myself to avoid unnecessary sins. 🙂

  7. so wat if some1 has boyfriend but the only ting they do is kiss, hug n hold hands. is this acceptable or not?

  8. bengaligal88

    so wat if some1 has boyfriend but the only ting they do is kiss, hug n hold hands. is this acceptable or not?

    please email me as soon as possible

  9. imran

    It is prohibited for a boy and girl to make contact unless they are brothers and sisters or something similar.

    It is likely that a couple holding hands and kissing will undergo a shaping process towards graver sins. Very hard for them to avoid this pitfall.

  10. Adiba

    Asalam ou 3alaikoum

    Thank you for making islam so clear to me, and taking the bad thoughts away from my head. This text is the best I have reed about relationships.

    Barak Allah feekom

  11. imran

    I’m glad to hear that from you, sister.

    Do take a look at some videos here:

  12. Aqmal

    I just would to say, i really feel ure article. its really amazing. may allah bless u. After this article, i feel that islam is such a beaautiful religion because what u said really go through my heart. it feels like we understand each other as ummah of allah. I feel that we’re all together as ummah of allah. As you know, im only 15 years old. that’s quite young. i live in Malaysia. sorry if my english is not good.

    My problem is, i want to wear a hijab but there is too much reasons for me not to wear it. I love fashion, i love my hair. So that will make me want to show off my hair. I want to feel beautiful. Many people praise me of my beautiful hair, is that a way of shaitan(Satan) to lead me to the bad path. I dont want to wear because its hot & i live in a hot country. it will bother me with the heat. Then, i cant do normal activities like swimming because it will effect me when i wear hijab. when i wear hijab i cant wear tight clothes i cant even wear a swimsuit? WHAT SHOULD I DO? wear or not to wear? but i do wear hijab at school because muslim girl prefects are require to wear hijab. I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?

    I need help from my fellows muslim friends. Please reply this, it will mean a world to me.

    • Yusuf

      Please seek more help online or else where from people who do hijaab. Hijaab is one of the most important if not the utmost important virtue of a Muslim woman to protect her in the society. And Allah has ordered us to do so. Yes, you are right it is Shaiytan acting on you to make you feel beautiful about your hair to make it to show it to the world. You beauty should only be shown to your husband, and he is the one who should appreciate it. There is still lots more you need to understand. Allah knows best. May Allah guide you InshaAllah. Ameen

    • Junaidy

      Assalamualaikum sister..

      about your problem, actually your personality of “showing off” is quite close to one of the reason why hijab is manifest in the first place, that is “to be recognize”.
      why you might ask.

      Surah Al-Ahzab (33:59) states: “O Prophet [PBUH] Tell thy wives and daughters and the believing women that they should put on their outer garments; that is most convenient in order that THEY MAY BE RECOGNIZED (as Muslims) and not be molested.”

      Allah clearly wants Muslims women to be recognized in whatever community they live in. Women who apply their hijab will get other people interested in them and that will be a way of spreading the message of Islam. People will approach them and ask them why they dress like that, why they are different. Their curiousity will automatically draw them towards Islam. Allah is the most supreme strategist of the universe and
      He gives the honor of carrying this strategy to women.

      I’m in no place to say that I understand how it feels to wear a hijab( though maybe I could try to put it on) because I’m a guy.
      But take this from one of my friend who recently decide to wear hijab..
      “don’t take hijab as a burden, because hijab is a pride that you should be proud of”

    • tala

      well sister,
      i have put my hijab on since i was 10 years old.
      i prefer you to put it on because if you sacrifice now allah will make it easier for you in the future and have mercy on you.
      put the hijjab before its too late.
      even if its hot or what people think about you.

    • tala

      well sister,
      i have put my hijab on since i was 10 years old.
      i prefer you to put it on because if you sacrifice now allah will make it easier for you in the future and have mercy on you.
      put the hijjab before its too late.
      even if its hot or what people think about you.

    • islam

      hey muslim sis ….i ve read your message and i wanted to tell you my opinion …if i am wrong in smth may allah forgive me…sis…plz be patient and weaar hijab,i understand you very well ,hijab is cool …i am male but i can understand how hard is it for you not showing your beatiful hair ..but the consequence of wearing hijab will be shown to you in hereafter….this life is very short ..who knows maybe tomorrow death ll knock our doors …your hair is full of fashion …thats right ..but the fashion of hijab ll be known in hereafter….

    • Saff

      AOA dear sister,

      No one can ever convince you to wear a hijab or otherwise except yourself. your own heart knows the truth or you would never have voiced your concerns.

      I was exactly like you, i used to think that hijab would make me look ugly, that it would be unbearably hot, that i would start gradually etc… then one day i decided to make a leap of faith. Allhamdulillah, since started i have been happier and more at peace with myself.

      Just decide to take that leap of faith with the intention of pleasing Allah, inshallah He will guide you and make it easier for you.

    • s

      Salaam sister,

      You can wear hijaab inshaAllah just believe that Allah swt will make it easy for u because you are trying to please Him. Whenever you try to do something good there will always be doubts or negative thoughts but they are from the shaytaan, I used to feel the same same way about hijaab and i kept delaying myself from wearing it but oneday i just thought if i dont do it now i probably won’t in the future, if u feel strongly inshaAllah just do it n any difficulty you have is just a test. In regards to changing your dress sense you can still be trendy whilst being modest 🙂

    • Salam,
      Please understand the true purpose of the Hijab. It is to protect you and cover you with modesty. Hijab too can be worn for fashion purposes I have seen girls who wear it to look prettier than if they were just with their hair. But that defeats the purpose, because its sole reason is to adhere to Islamic standards and what Allah ordained for the Muslim women. Now when it comes to sports and physical activities you can wear a variety of hijab sports that are conducive for physical activity. You have to go buy them some are plastic for swimming and some are silk so they don’t itch when you sweat under them. You have to buy the proper one that suits your sport. In terms of the hot weather I cannot give you any solutions but suggest a lighter hijab that is loose but covers your full hair. May Allah help you persevere through the challenges of society and make us amongst the believers who will stand by the prophet Muhammad PBUH.

      • najeeb

        may be i am unknw 2 u bt i suggest u 2 wear hijab it’s not about u like it r nt.women or girl look more beautiful in hijab.Belive in Allah.we have 2 follow the Etiquette of islam.ur not living in this world 4r ur self,here ur 4r who believe Allah wn’t say such thing.sorry if i hurt u by my word Allah 4rgve & show as the rightpath.

    • fatine

      Salam sister aqmal, I once used to think like you but I happened to be on YouTube and I saw this video called queens of Islam, and alhamdoulilah it changed my view and right after I put on the hijab and I never felt happier and content as I do now thanks to Allah s.w.t. So sister make sure you take a look at it its about 36min and its well worth it trust me. Inshallah you will find your peace!!:)

    • Assalamualikum sister. i understand what your saying. every one wants to look good and i too used to think that way. I thought hiajb doesnt suit me, it makes my face look chubby and i dont fit in with the society. And one day i started searching online for hadith on dress code for women and why is it important for her. hijab is a protection for every women that Allah that commanded for every girl. And then i thought Y not try it one day and to my surprise i loved that feeling of being a hijabi in the crowd of non hijabis. some appreciated some didnt. but it didnt mattered i thought im following the command of Allah and i was feeling protected and proud of my religion. since then i started hijab and im more than happy. And One more thing, There are many tutorials on net on styling your hijab and even modest wear fashion. You can dress in a good and modest way. Here is a fb page if you want to know more about modest wear:

      I wish i helped you. you can mail me if you need more help.

  13. Johan

    Dear Aqmal
    I’m really no expert on this but perhaps you could start with mixing more with friends that were the hijab. They can be your source of support and guidance. Even swimsuits nowadays they have the fully covered ones (my wife uses one of those), like a divng suit. I once knew this Italian muslim lady who shared with me this old Italian saying: “Tell me who his friends are and I will tell you who he is…”. That means choose your friends wisely as they can easily influence you.

    • u are right but what if u can’t find a friend who is muslim .

      • Riyah

        Dear asuma sis,
        To be honest it doesn’t really matter if you don’t have muslim friends. I have friends who are from different ethnic backgrounds like indian, bulgarian, turkish, christian and lots more and they’re not really bothered about how you look in fact they actually encouraged me into wearing a hijab. I never used to wear a hijab but I recently just wore one and they said it really looked nice!. I was hesitant at first in wearing a hijab as I thought it would irritate my chin because your wrapping it really tight around your face but now I kinda got used to it and actually all right.

  14. assalam 3alayekom
    i want to thank you about your artical i like it so much and i will do a presentation to my classroom by your artical jazaka alhabibo khayerane

  15. NAZ

    I have read your article and must say it is one of the best articles that has given me a better understunding, however i am in a situtation and am not sure of how to go about it in the best way. I have seeked guidence from Allah by carrying out istikara however i was not able to see anything and it has lead to a lot of confusion. I would appreciate it if i could seek some advise from you about the situation i am in. We are both ready for marriage but our parents will not agree with youthfull marriage…what do we do?

    • zan

      Salam, can you tell me what replies u got, i think this issue is an important one!

    • hassan

      Muslim brother one thing that is the most importent in Islam is listening to your parents and making them happy. If you disobey your parents they may be unhappy with you and this is something you don’t want as disobeying your parents is a major sin and is very common. My advise is to persuade your parents and to actually feel happy and comfertable about the decision you have made. If that doesn’t work out still then your choice is to go with there decision as obeying your parents is a great act of Islam. Please correct me if I am wrong I am 14 but have a decent amount of knowledge about Islam

  16. James

    I was born a christian but discovered the happiness of islam at the age of 18.
    I have made many wrongful descions, but now I want to lead a pious and good life.
    Your article is very interesting and wise.
    God willing I hope I may find happiness, and marry.

  17. James

    P.S. May all those who read the above comment be happy in all areas of their lives also.

    • anas

      You r a very lucky man
      please be a very good muslim and try to teach islam others also..
      Allah will take care of yours

  18. noura

    hey just wanted 2 thank u 4 this gr8 article,it made me think a lot about many things that im doin,here’s the thing,im 17 n’ ive never had a boyfriend in my life,ive always been against the idea,until i met this guy one year ago,we’ve been very gud friends since then,he’s not my boyfriend n i made that clear 2 him from the beginin,we want 2 get married eventually,we dont go out alone,we dont hold hands,we dont physically interact in anyway,n i even engouraged him 2 pray n he’s been paryin since then,both our parents know bout our realtionship,so i just wanna know if havin this realtionship itself is wrong or is it wat u do in it,cuz i dont wanna be doin anything wrong,should i end it or not plz reply as soon as possible,thnx

  19. Salam Dear one’s

    Thanx very much to clear the picture about Boy Girl relationship in Islamic Perspective. carryon dear. It will help to build a ummah which will think what is good and what is bad

  20. Faria Kiran


    U wrote a nice article Jazak Allah Khair may God guide us and show us right path Aamin


  21. jamila

    What if you meet a muslim guy and you talk with him for months and he just wants to live like married people without actually getting married? I know it is wrong but how can I make him see that it is wrong and he needs to marry before anything can happen.

  22. fatima

    salam alaikum, i just want to thank u 4 this beautiful article jazaka allah kairum. it helps me alot specially this days. i wanna end a relationship that i have wth smbody i love bcose i respect ALLAH and believe in th day of judgment. i’m scare ending up in satan trap bcose my bf romance and behaviour.i suggested to get marry bcos we love each other dearly BUT he think it’s early and we should wait. i’m confuse , angry and top of that my iiman is in danger. please HELP
    sister in need.

    • alena seena

      u should say him dat marry me…..and if he dosent agrree….u should leave him…..boy frnd changes n changes but wen Allah writes ur name in hells list it cant be changed,….

    • Mia

      Salam is it going now? Im really interested with ur comment..shall we have someone private msg..Hopefully, we can help each other :)..really looking forward ur reply

  23. muslimgirl

    assalamu ‘aleykum..
    thank you for a great article….it clearly explains Islamic viewpoint of relationships and was very helpful for me…i’m really happy that someone has written such a sencere article on this delicate topic which is very hard to discuss with anyone…
    may Allah bless you!!…

  24. imran

    wa’alaikumussalam. You’re welcome!

    • rahul

      assalam wa lekum
      my apology at first but i wanna know is its sin that i love a girl with true belief of god, with pure feelings for her, with true imaan, like paak thoughts as she iz only the one as i even have the same response from her,is it bad??
      the main fact is that i m a Hindu boy and she is a Muslim girl, I’ve good knowledge of Islam and m quite familiar with d community but as i said i respect Islam equally but above all i believe god and his pure form love, can’t we b together?? can’t we have proceeding?? what can b done to support your answer??
      please its a most humble request to to forward the answer in my e mail please..
      god is great

  25. hamz

    Hi thank you for this article…i have a dilemma….my family are practising my mother and sister wear hijab..i met this girl in uni in my first year we were freinds, where in groups working together and i got to know her well and liked the person she is..she is a modern girl, quite westernised but she is muslim, she tries to pray as much as she can but her family are very westernised and do not practise…its been 4 years and i am in love with this girl and she is aswell with me and i know i have done wrong but my problem is her family will not accept me because of the way my family are and i dont think my family will accept her family cos the way she and her family are…but we love each other and obviously that has become a disease and we can’t prevent it..i want to by getting married to her but the families come in the way and more importantly the two families clash..she has said that she’s not going to wear the hijab, she does’nt want to know one thing before marriage and then get a shock after marriage i.e. forced to wear hijab…i have said that’s fine but i know that women have to wear the hijab..i don’t know what to do now..i love her but i know she is not the practising girl, but i’ve fallen in love with the person she is – she is loving, caring and will sacrifice anything for me but not her family!

    Can someone advise me on what to do by emailing me PLEASE???

    thank you

    • Joumana

      Salaam Brother,
      I think the main point in this situation is that Allah (SWT) has condemned relationships outside of marriage and that is His will and the way in which we should all live.
      Only Allah (SWT) knows best, and throughout our lives we are all put through tests so that Allah (SWT) may see how strongly we love him and distinguish between the true believers and dis-believers,
      I understand that you have fallen in love but surely only a relationship and situation..woman wearing Hijab if she is able to not if she doesn’t want to..that follows Allah (SWT) is a true relationship and blessed.
      Please any Sisters and Brothers correct me if I am wrong would love to know more have just looked into this subject recently.

  26. Amivie

    Look I feel your pain and understand. I the Qu’ran it does not say that a women needs to wear the hijab. I believe that if you pray about this Allah will send you an answer. I love like that needs compromise,s o talk to your parents and your Iman about your problem.
    I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer.


  27. Hiba

    Assalam Alaikum
    I really learned a lot from this article. I thank you for writing this piece. When I read it, it just gave a little bit of my dignity back. I know where I truly belong and I now know what I have to do. Just one problem…how do you end a relationship that you do not wish to continue? I have been trying for a long time 😦 Please mail me with suggestions… I’m really stuck on this one.
    May Allah bless you! Ameen.

  28. TAM

    Thank you sooo much for this wounderfull article…my boyfriend and i were together for just under a year and after ramadan he told me that he just wanted too be friends cz it was haram to be in a relationship…at first i didnt really understand wat was goin on and i was really upset about it…but now thanks to my amazing muslim brothers and sisters the pictures more clear…. 🙂

    Barak Allah Feekom

  29. Sahar

    I would like to thank you for your article as i feel it is both correct but also acknowldedges the world we live in today

  30. YBA

    This article had a huge impact on me. You gave advice while taking into consideration the tremendous pressures youth face.

    I always believed that people who partake in intimate relations before marriage are doomed. I believed that you can only have Allah’s blessings in your marriage if Allah’s rules are followed every step of the way. I looked down upon people who didn’t resist temptations because I couldn’t imagine people allowing shaytan to enter their hearts- but then I fell in love myself and fell into the same traps that so many Muslims fall into nowadays. I married this person and while I knew I couldn’t erase our sins prior to marriage, I thought that marriage somehow made our sins less grave. Then, problems in our marriage arose in ways neither one of us expected. We were so in love but suddenly we were faced with issues we didn’t know how to deal with and so much felt out of our control. We’re divorced now and I still can’t explain how things ended up this way but I know a lot of our problems could have been avoided if we obeyed Allah’s commands from the beginning and I truly wish I handled things differently. I can’t speak for anyone else here but I think many of us try to make ourselves the exception. I thought that we would be immune to marital struggles because we were both faithful, practicing Muslims with the intention of marriage and would’ve married sooner and avoided haram if our parents and life situations made marriage more feasible for us. We made excuses for ourselves to make whatever we did okay. I also think that because we were intimate, I ignored signs of possible future problems. If I can give anyone advice now, it’s to not learn the hard way. Contentment within the hearts of couples comes from Allah alone and while there are no guarantees in marriage, following Islamic law throughout the whole process of getting to know someone helps you maintain focus on what’s important in a marriage, allows you to analyze who the other person truly is, and helps you make better decisions with Allah’s guidance. It also prevents you from having deep regrets if things don’t work out the way you thought they would.

  31. fatemeh

    hi.this is fatima ahrabi,i live at iran and my frien(boy)lieve at dubai.we have no phisical relation.but i think we do sin cuz we all the time tell each other love u and…he isnt muslim and i told u i f dont be muslim will not marige u
    now i stoped my relation bcuz of the sin were iright or not?

    • unkn

      you are right dear ALLAH will definitely have mercy upon you, give u self content, happiness and the right partner in right time.
      this life is too short v r here for our ALLAH nd not to commit sins like this.
      the real life is Akhirat .there is a lot of sawab if u keep urself away frm such things.

  32. SultanofAfghanistan

    Can a muslim boy go out with a girl who is christian if they dont do anything except hold hands.

  33. imran

    i’d advice against it

  34. layla

    I hope all of you are in good health and iman.
    i have a problem in my relationship.. my boyfriend did fornication 2wice before. we are both muslims. and i only got to know it recently, after we’re together for 2 years. i was shocked, sad and angry bcoz we practice abstinence these times that we are together.
    we are young adults, early 20s and stable with a humble career, and already talking abt engagement.
    my question is… what do you think of someone who is still a virgin marrying someone who is not?
    i’m at my wits’ end.. please advise.. syukran..

    • A

      Assalamualaikum layla

      i do not have much to say apart from, at least he told you before marriage. And people change, you were with him for two year, i guess that you know the person he is and you will take the right decision. close your eyes and just see the moments you shared, see the person he is, if you feel that he is a liar or a cheater, that he is wrong in any way then you know what to do..but the choice is yours..

    • A

      p.s it’s not a question of a virgin marrying a non-virgin, it’s not about brand, or etiquette that people have, it’s about you knowing the person. i hope that everything is alright now, it is just after that i have replied, that i saw that it a comment of two years ago. i would have really like to know what happen and hope that things for you are at its best 🙂
      take care!


    LAYLA I HOPE THIS INFORMATION MIGHT HELP. I BELIEVE ITS NOT A GOOD IDEA to marry that person beacause they did a will against allah not only once but twice. im not pushing you but if you want to marry a man that you now feel not trust worthy because he waited two long years to tell you of such a sinful act. insha allah in your right mind you will see what is best and right for you. beacuse of you cant trust a spouse before marriage how can you trust them after? when he tells you he loves you how can you believe him when he told that to his previous spouse? when he tells you i will never cheat on you and possibly he had cheated on his previous spouse would you trust him then? layla, insha allah you will get another spouse far more willing than this one who follows the right path of islam. jazakumullahu qair

  36. Bilal R

    Salaams Brother

    your piece above was very enlightening and after reading answered many of my unanswered questions about this area of islam. Jazakhallah, inshallah i will take heed of your advice and pass it on to others



    jazakumullahu qair .Bilal R

    i try my best to help others.
    insha allah you will surely share this information with others. if you have any other questions please do not hesitate to ask because there is no need to be ashamed of learning all areas of islam. i to am learning more from you guys around our relegion beacause you two can also teach me something. =)

    • sophia

      i have relation with my class fellow but we are just frnds. we take help from each other in our studies. we have not have physical contact wih each other. is it sin?


    please brothers and sisters of islam ask any question you would like. dont be afraid not asking only hurts you more.
    ask a question not because it will help you, but you being brave by asking it would give a relief to a lot more muslims whom are scared to ask questions. so please in the name of allah do not be afraid to ask any question. asalamu alaikum. ill check this forum once in a while and see who has asked questions so dont be afraid as i cleared earlier. jazakumu llahu qair

  39. thnks a lot for putting up the information but can a guy and a gurl just be friends is that acceptable or is it against our religion


    usman: yes u can be friends but make sure this friendship doesnt lead to other things my brother. dont get comfortable with this friendship you two are still ajnabi ( not related in any way) so keep ur distance.
    asalamu alaikum.

  41. mohammed amine

    thanks a lot for this greet article !!
    jazaka laho kola khayr !

  42. zubeddah

    I am a 22 yr old female Malaysian. and as u know, our country is multi-racial, multi-religion. Plus, we have strong influence from the western, especially in their form of entertainment – movies.

    I have a boyfriend of 3 years. We are both muslim. Unfortunately, as sad and as scary to admit this myself, we have indulged ourselves into very naughty and wrong way of boy-girl relationship, based on the context of islam. I wouldn’t go into detail in that matter, but u know what i mean.
    I repent to Allah for our sins we made for so many times, almost every night before i sleep, and prayed so many times for us to stop doing all the wrong things and to avoid all that. But whenever we meet up, it seems like syaitan is always there with us. And neither of us successfully stop it from happening.
    However, both of us have no history of promiscuity or anything similar or as close to that. He is my first love, the first guy i ever talked to, the first guy i ever opened up to.
    And with that, It made me believe that he is and will be the only one love of my life. I wish to marry him and live my whole life, have kids and grow old with him. And if our parents do allow us to get married at this very young age while still in university, I would marry him already! Because I love him truly dearly!!
    However, our relationship hasnt been perfect. Like any other couples, we fight a lot most of the time. Nevertheless, I LOVE HIM and i care for him!

    UNFORTUNATELY, few days ago, he wants to break up with me, with a strong reason that he wants to fix his broken life (studies, career, financial, etc etc), and with the excuse that he cant have time for me. After long discussion, i agreed into giving him his “space”. Although he asked for a break-up, but what i agreed to give him was a temporary space for him to be on his own, to fix his life. I make believe myself that I will love him still and would chase after him someday and marry him.
    Im not sure if how i feel now is because of the sins ive made with him or it is just pure love. But if u ask me again, or any other time later, i do love him and i have miss him eversince.
    As for right now, i dont know what to do and how to deal with this situation im in. I know that we were wrong and what i did was wrong. Being in a relationship is a process that occupies a great deal of emotions and tempts you physically so fast that you don’t realize what hit you.
    Is this the price i have to pay for the sins ive made?
    It makes me sad everytime i think about it. With having that said, i really need to know what to do. And trust me, this past few days, I have been looking up to Allah for Hidayah, for the right path, for the strength, more than ever.
    That is how i reach this website. Pls do help!

    • kabir

      may ALLAH bless you and guide you to the right path

    • memandangkan u malaysian..i pun malaysian..ckp melayuulahh..tak payah lah tergedik2 dkt org y x brp nk suke kat kiter..smpai masenye..habis manis,,seph dibuang…buang mase je…kalau die blh buat prkr x elok dgn kiter,,die pon blh buat dgn org laen,,sbb dh biase langggar..melanggar syariat ni..ingt tu!

  43. khalid antwi

    salaam i pray all muslim will do this because islam is the truth

  44. Zainab Kaka Ahmad

    Salaam! this is a very good message to all the youths out there especially in this era we live in. we all need constant remembrance and guidance. May Allah increase us in iman.

  45. Mashallah this is a very well written article and a topic there are very few sources so good for.
    I have been with a muslim boy for a few months now and i am very worried that God is going to frown upon the relationship. We kiss and hug but that is all and have both decided we are very against doing anything else. He has asked me a numbe rof times whether getting engaged will solve the fear we both have that our relationshipis wrong. howeevr i am still young and do not want to engage tto someone without telling my paretns etc. Can i have this relationship, i have considered stopping kissing- will this make it ok? i dont know what to do because this article has a lots of views i agree with but i want to stay with this boy forevr and so does he, our relationship has alredy been tested a number of times, and i know for sure we are forever, is our current relationship ok is it legit with Islam? or are we sinning to the utmost we are both practicing muslims and im petrified of doing somthing so wrong on the other hand i truely love this boy and vice versa. what can i do to make the relationship ok if it is not?:S please reply soon

    • Abdullah

      terribly satan is giving you waswas, what you doing is totally forbidden in islam. In islam talking in between men and women who are non-mahram is forbidden let alone kissing and hugging?????

      I hope that both of you are Muslim. If you are then what you can do is ask him to ask for your hand from your wali, which is your father. If he didnt want to do it, it means he’s just playing with you. If he agreed to do that then i am sure your wali may give the permission and you can perform the nikah and after the nikah you would be his wife and then he can talk to you and hug you and all that what you have mentioned. Otherwise this talking, kissing, hugging and any kind of affection is sin and haram and totally forbidden in islam.

      rest is upto you, to live in this sinful life or take an action.

  46. Girl123

    i have been with this boy for almost 2 years, we love each other very much, we decided to be engaged, but my father does not accept this boy for no good reason
    please advice me, what i should do?

    • Islamiyah

      Salam alaykum pls sister try 2 talk 2 ur father when his in happy mood Allah may let him reason with u and aspect but if he did not pls obey so that u will not commit sin through him bcos Allah (swt)talk about obeidance u parent in d only qur’an and prophet(p.b.h) said that is a great sin 2 disobey parent.masalam

  47. Aliya

    mash great article !
    I am talking to this guy who lives in another country.. we only speak online.. we were bf/gf for a month and i had told him that i didnt want to be considered as his gf because i was feeling guilty about it. We are NOT considered as bf/gf .. however, we STILL speak to one another as if we are “together” for example we still say i love u and miss u to one another.. is this going off the limits? is it not right?
    im very scared.
    please email me
    thanks 🙂

  48. pr543

    This info has helped so much i’m just so thankful i’ve not been in that situation and i can carry on maintaining this 🙂

  49. sulahfa

    i was born into a muslim family, but i never took it seriously, i never respected y parents and followed islam when i was younger. i have sooo much regreat and i feel really really guilty for teh bad things iv doen to myself and to my parents. i did do this stupid thing once when i was 19, becuase as he stated i was lonely and i had desire… and my parents told me marriage was out of teh question until i finished my degree. i made this stupid mistake, but you are making it sound likw i will burn in hell and that i am a bad person… even though now i wear hijab, i pray, im a proper practicing muslim. i made this mistake once… and i regreated it shortly after, i make dua and i am sincere in my prayer. so are you saying allah wont forgive me and im going to hell?? becuase i fought allah was all merciful he could forgive anything if you mean it.
    i would like to still get married to a man who is a virgin, maybe you think thats hipocritical of me… but i have changed in 4 years alot. and i am very very sorry for what i did. i was weak and stupid. but i dont think that mistake should make me less of a muslim, less better then a virgin.. beucase i have repented for that sin, so why are you saying it will be held against me???
    any way… although your site is interesting it doesnt help put those people liek me who wwant to start afresh becuase you describe or future as being less succesful then otehrs and that we will be punished very badly for it. you adivice is not universal only directed to those who are virgins.

    • Zara

      I agree with this 100%. Saying that I am a lesser person because I commit a sin that I am ashamed of is not helpful. I need knowledge on what to do now. How do I repent and become closer to my religion? What guidance is there for me?

  50. mariam

    well..i need to ask u something..and i have no one to guide me.. and im very depressed… please add me on msn.. i need to ask u some questions… plz help me..out….

  51. Noorie

    As-salamu-alaykum brother,
    i’d like to say thank you for your article!! my Allah (swt) bless you for your efforts…
    i have one question… if two muslims are looking to get married by getting to know one another, would this be wrong? we both have gotten to know each other by communicating over the phone… we have spoken about meeting up for the sole purpose of marriage… i no that this is not advised but it would be in puplic.., i think most youngsters in U.K feel uncomftable with arranged marriages which i have no problem with, but i just dont trust my parents to make the right choice for me… i Know this sounds awfull, not trusting my own parents, but what can one do? i believe that a man should be the head off the house… if muslims girls are taken back home and married , she’s the one looking after the household because her husband’s not familiar with life in U.K…. Im sure your aware of this situation and i’d be very grateful for a reply…

    thank you..

    • mohammad Rehan

      Dear Nooriee,
      I am from India and a Ph D student working on Heart Attack. I have got caught in the same dillemme. I am seeing a girl that i have known from university. she is caring humble and a good frien. i want to talk to her on the phone and she is the one who resists it, admitting at the same time that she wishes to marry me. I find it important to marry coz a have come to this Ph D level fro a very very poor muslim family and i think that my parents can not chooose a girl for me who is from my own profession like her. Please let me know if you got the answer for this questio.. is it allowed to talk on the phone or not?????????
      Thank you very much…tou may also mail me at

  52. Mishal_K


    The article mashallah is very well written it helped remind me why the rules and guidelines are there…..jazakallah for taking the time to help us understand. 🙂
    I wanted to ask a question……
    At the moment and neither previously have i ever had any male friends who I’ve talked to outside of school or college except one….from college….who i’ve known now for almost two years on and off……i’ve always been very careful with our friendship and so have never met up alone or even hardly at all with other people…….all we have ever done is talk…. on msn…on the phone… he’s become a good friend of mine i can talk too a lot…….two years ago i couldn’t even imagine talking to a guy on the phone so never did before i met him and i still don’t even know how it got to that with him……….and so throughout the two years its continuously been on and off as i tried to lessen how much we talk every time i thought we were becoming too close of friends…… i felt it was contradicting with my religious beliefs……even if just friends as thats the why ive been brought up in our culture too….mostly we talk on the phone so recently iv been missing his calls a lot and have been trying to find other people as in friends who are girls of mine to talk too so that i can break out of the habit of talking to him to eventually stop completely this time……but having tried in the past sometimes for months not talking concentrating only on prayer and my education i know how lonely i got without this friend…. is it even slightly permissible or ok to talk to a guy as a friend and just a friend? …Sorry for the long essay.. lol

    If you could email me with any advice as soon as possible it would be immensely appreciated…….

    …And may Allah bless you and your family and keep you in good health……..and able to continue to spread such beneficial knowledge 🙂


    a great n nice article
    we should spread such nice information being a muslim…

  54. very beneficial knowledge alhamdulillah

  55. Anon

    Thank you for a very perceptive and human article. I have some questions.. My parents met when they were 19 and had a love marriage at the age of 22 and are the happiest couple even now that i know of mashallah. I am currently 20, have never had a boyfriend, have never touched nor kissed anyone. I believe that there is only one love in everyone’s life and am still steadfast in this belief. I am not fickle with my emotions but think things through rationally and logically as much as possible. however I can’t help but feel that I am dismissing people, potential life partners by automatically ruling them out. I live in England and have no muslim friends which means that I socialise with and only know non-muslim males. Many have made clear their feelings towards me and I cut them out of my life immediately. I feel horrible for being this way.. if someone dismissed me the way i have dismissed people i would be devastated but i dont know what else to do. i know the obvious response is to find muslim men but even then how do i get to know them without comprimising myself. In my experience, love marriages do work and my parents have always encouraged me to find someone myself. the question is how? to be honest i have just met someone who is non-muslim and at the moment we’ve just talked. however, it is him that is making me think about this and question my approach. please email me if you can.
    All the best to you

  56. Carol

    for Hamz:

    The holy scripture says clearly:
    “a man shall leave his mother and cleave unto his wife” and “the waoman shall leave her home (both parents) and cleave unto her husband” – if your girlfriend is not willing to cleave unto you as a husband and if you are in fornication – I would hope you could end the relationship and pray for forgiveness and wait until GOD/ALLAh brings you someone who is willing to “leave and cleave”, just as Sarah and Rebekah did in the book of Genesis – both left their homelands and followed after their husbands – and both were mightily blessed among women! In fact these women never met their husbands until after they agreed to the marriage – so I guess you could say these were ‘arranged’ marriages by GOD/ALLAH himself.

  57. maya


    I have gone through many troubles because of loving someone. we were in a relationship since i was 16 now i am 23 and he is 24. we didn’t have any bad intension. my brohters and my parents were always against it but i tried all my best to forget it but i coudln’t because of his good charactereistic. being with him i learned so much, i was more guided to do good things that is the main reason why i couldn’t change my mind. that is the reason why i went against my parents. i do worry for my fmaily, i do understand their feelings but finding somone who is so right how could i just let it go. so we did our studies, he finished his schools and i gradutated this year. we spoke to our fmaily memebers and told them how much we need thsi to be done. our parents did their 100% even though they were against it. his parents wanted not just because of him they wanted because they like our fmaily. when the guys side came to see me, lot of things went wrong, lot of things went just wrong. my parents rejected them and now i’m more hurt, we are more hurt because we know how much we struggled to be good. but everything just ended over night. we struggled to get married soon but it didn’t hapen. finally when parents meet, it got worse. we were so happy but it got worse. we realized that happiess comes from Allah. Allah can take a way happiness in a second and can give happiness if he wills. every time we go through hardships we becomes more closer to our religion, we made an intension of doing hajj or umrah once this take place. we need this to take place soon so we can better ourselves. and start a good life….there is too many obsticals, i dont’ want to hurt my parents anymore. i just hope they hear me, understands me because all these years i coud’nt change my mind and even today i can’t. parents always wish for their childrens best and this why my parents dont ‘want thsi to happen there. but i am sure that it will hurm me badly if this doesn’ t happen with him. i will be lost, i dn’t want to regret the way my other friends regret. i can’t even imagine a second of being without this person. yes i understand its not good ot be in a relationship, but i can’t let of this relatinship because this relationship tought me lots of good things, religiously. i see that i can only be motivated well and live a good religious life if i’m with him. no one understands me better then him and i don’t think i can ever love or even beloved. i need help, i need everyone’s prayers, pray for me i need to be saved from this. i beg all of u to help me go throug this trouble. i reguest all of you to stay out of this kinds of troubles. always think, if you are serious then tell ur parents first if they agree then ur fine. i been trying all my best to be good to my parents in other ways so they can forgive me. this one things i cannot change, i pray they understand and saves me from this as soon as possible so i can start a good life. everyone please if you can, for a second pray for us so we can be saved. i am living in a border. please pray to Alllah so we can be saved from this as soon as posible so we can complet our intention of doing hajjj or umrah….

  58. abcd

    don’t worry i was is same situation and it got better just keep praying and everything willl get better……where do u live…….which country i mean….it sounds like as if your from asia….i’m asian.

  59. maya

    thanks for the relief….i’m asian but i live in Canada. so how is ur relationship now. how is ur life, are u happy to live with ur loved one. see our relationship is a long distance, we meet in my country…….but the funny thing is that we are kinda related to eachtother. that is the reason why its not happening soon. anyway take care.

  60. Mihal_k


    The article mashallah is very well written it helped remind me why the rules and guidelines are there…..jazakallah for taking the time to help us understand.
    I wanted to ask a question……
    At the moment and neither previously have i ever had any male friends who I’ve talked to outside of school or college except one….from college….who i’ve known now for almost two years on and off……i’ve always been very careful with our friendship and so have never met up alone or even hardly at all with other people…….all we have ever done is talk…. on msn…on the phone… he’s become a good friend of mine i can talk too a lot…….two years ago i couldn’t even imagine talking to a guy on the phone so never did before i met him and i still don’t even know how it got to that with him……….and so throughout the two years its continuously been on and off as i tried to lessen how much we talk every time i thought we were becoming too close of friends…… i felt it was contradicting with my religious beliefs……even if just friends as thats the why ive been brought up in our culture too….mostly we talk on the phone so recently iv been missing his calls a lot and have been trying to find other people as in friends who are girls of mine to talk too so that i can break out of the habit of talking to him to eventually stop completely this time……but having tried in the past sometimes for months not talking concentrating only on prayer and my education i know how lonely i got without this friend…. is it even slightly permissible or ok to talk to a guy as a friend and just a friend? …Sorry for the long essay.. lol

    • mohammad Rehan


      I am from India and a Ph D student working on Heart Attack. I have got caught in the same dillemme. I am seeing a girl that i have known from university. she is caring humble and a good frien. i want to talk to her on the phone and she is the one who resists it, admitting at the same time that she wishes to marry me. I find it important to marry coz a have come to this Ph D level fro a very very poor muslim family and i think that my parents can not chooose a girl for me who is from my own profession like her. Please let me know if you got the answer for this questio.. is it allowed to talk on the phone or not?????????
      Thank you very much…tou may also mail me at


      July 3, 2008 at 12:52 am

      The article mashallah is very well written it helped remind me why the rules and guidelines are there…..jazakallah for taking the time to help us understand.
      I wanted to ask a question……
      At the moment and neither previously have i ever had any male friends who I’ve talked to outside of school or college except one….from college….who i’ve known now for almost two years on and off……i’ve always been very careful with our friendship and so have never met up alone or even hardly at all with other people…….all we have ever done is talk…. on msn…on the phone… he’s become a good friend of mine i can talk too a lot…….two years ago i couldn’t even imagine talking to a guy on the phone so never did before i met him and i still don’t even know how it got to that with him……….and so throughout the two years its continuously been on and off as i tried to lessen how much we talk every time i thought we were becoming too close of friends…… i felt it was contradicting with my religious beliefs……even if just friends as thats the why ive been brought up in our culture too….mostly we talk on the phone so recently iv been missing his calls a lot and have been trying to find other people as in friends who are girls of mine to talk too so that i can break out of the habit of talking to him to eventually stop completely this time……but having tried in the past sometimes for months not talking concentrating only on prayer and my education i know how lonely i got without this friend…. is it even slightly permissible or ok to talk to a guy as a friend and just a friend? …Sorry for the long essay.. lol

      If you could email me with any advice as soon as possible it would be immensely appreciated…….

      …And may Allah bless you and your family and keep you in good health……..and able to continue to spread such beneficial knowledge

  61. Islam

    I just would to say, i really feel ure article. its really amazing. may allah bless u. After this article, i feel that islam is such a beaautiful religion because what u said really go through my heart. it feels like we understand each other as ummah of allah. I feel that we’re all together as ummah of allah. As you know, im only 15 years old. that’s quite young. i live in Malaysia. sorry if my english is not good.

  62. ruba

    Ruba i am from iran, i found thsi artical really good hope everyone get blessed…..use this as a guidance to stay in right path. what ever you did in ur past, as long as u can repent and keep urself away from evil, then u will be fine. there are so manythign you can do to avoid urself from that road. everyone has a choice we can find 100 of thigns to stay in good path and we can also find 100 of reasons to be bad. its all about our intention… long as we think good of urselfs and other then nothing can harmd us. we cannot let shaitan take over us. we are in control fo ourself and we must not get lost by letting saitan to take over…….hope everyone stay well and stay true to their religion. its never too late to repent. but make sure u repent and keep urself away from that. keep ur words. wat u say make sure u mean it…

  63. ruba

    yeas this articale is really good let us do something like that too so we can help those who are confused lost. it is our responsiblity to take care of ur ummas….let us help those who are in need. let us serve them and keep them guided………we all make mistakes and as long as we can stay true to ourselves then nothign can takeover…this world is only for few days….lets us do good so we can be in peace. it hard to be good because its easy to get corrupted, let us watch out for your younger brothers and sisters so they can be saved from evils and not go through hard time….we have to watch out for our young brothers and sisters, lets us not fail to do that. this article is so true..

  64. foreverislam

    Mashallah, this website is really good, this is very helpful…..very good!!!

  65. foreverislam

    Jewels of Quran
    Isa bin Muhammad (Alaihir Rahmah) says that I once saw Abu Bakr bin Mujahid (Alaihir Rahmah) after his death in a dream reading the Holy Quran. I asked, “You have died, how are you reciting,” upon which he said, “After every Salah and finishing of the Quran, I would pray “O Allah, give me the Taufiq to recite the Quran in my grave” and that is why I am praying.” (Faizan-e-Sunnat)


    The Holy Prophet said:
    1) The best of you is he who learnt the Holy Quran and taught it to others. (Bukhari)
    2) Undoubtedly, the heart gets rusted like metal gets rusted when water goes over it. The People asked, “How can they [hearts] be cleaned.” The Prophet replied, “To remember death in abundance and to recite the Holy Quran.” (Mishkat)
    3) That chest which does not have any Quran in it is like an abandoned house. (Tirmizi, Darmi)
    4) Whoever read the Quran and memorized it and belived its’ Halal to be Halal and its Haram to be Haram [i.e., accepted it commandments of Halal and Haraam], Allah will accept the intercession for such 10 people on from him whom Hell had already become Wajib. (Tirmizi, Ibn-e-Majah)
    5) Whoever is an expert in reciting the Holy Quran is with the Kiraman Katebeen and whoever reads the Quran with pauses and it is difficult for him, that is, his tounge does not move easily and he recites with difficutly for him there are two rewards. (Bahar-e-Shariat)
    6) The one who has memorized Quran will be told to read and climb and recite with Tarteel (clear and distinct recitation) like you used to read with Tarteel in the Dunya; your place will be where you read your last Ayat. (Bahar-e-Shariat)
    7) Allah says, “Whoever was kept busy with the [recitation] of Quran from my Zikr and asking me, I will give him better than those who I give to those who ask” and the excellence of the Word of Allah over all the other words is like the excellence of Allah over all his creation.
    8) Learn the Quran and read it because whoever learned the Quran and read it and did Qayam with it is like a bag filled with Musk whose fragrance is spread everywhere and whoever learned the Quran and slept that is he did not do Qiyamul Layl is like a bag which is filled with Musk and its mouth has been closed. (Tirmizi, Ibn-e-Majah, Nisaee)
    9) Read the Quran when you heart feels affection and attachment and when your heart becomes bored stand up that is stop reciting the Quran. (Saheeh Bukhari and Muslim)
    10) Decorate the Quran with your (good) voices. (Mishkat)
    11) O People of the Quran, do not make the Quran a pillow, that is do not be lazy and be careless, and read the Quran in the day and night like it is the Haq of Recitation, and spread it, that is, read with good voices or do not take compensation for it, and whatever is in it, reflect upon itso that you may attain success, and do not hurry in its reward because the reward for it is great (which will be given in the Akhirah). (Bahiqi)

    Rewards for certain Surahs and Ayahs

    The Holy Prohpet said:
    1) Surah Fatiha is a cure from every illness. (Darmi, Bahiqi)
    2) Do not make your home a graveyard, the Shaitan runs from the home in which Surah Baqrah is recited. (Sahih Muslim)
    3) Whoever memorized the first ten ayahs of Surah Kahf will be saved the Dajjal. (Sahih Muslim)
    4) Whoever recites Surah Kahf on the day of Jummah, there will be a Nur brightened for him between two Jummahs.
    5) Everything has a heart and the heart of the Quran is Surah Yaseen, whoever read Yaseen, Allah will write the reward of reading the Quran ten times from him. (Tirmizi and Darmi)
    6) Whoever reads Surah Yaseen for the pleasure of Allah, his past sins will be forgiven so read this near your deceased. (Bahiqi)
    7) (Reading) Qul hu WAllahu Ahad (Surah Ikhlas) is equal to [reading] one third of the Quran.
    8) Whoever read Ayatul Kursi after every Fard Salah, he will be under the protection and security of Allah. (Dailmi on the Authority of Sayeduna Ali)
    9) (On the Day of Judgement) a caller will say O Recitor of Surah Inaam, come to Jannat for loving Surah Inaam and its recitation.
    10) Surah Tabarak (Surah Mulk) saves one from Hell.
    11) Whatever task is not begun with Bismillahi Rahamni Raheen remains incomplete and unfinished.

    Ettiquteets and Rules of Tilawat:
    1) To memorize one Ayah of the Quran is Fard-e-Aeen on every Mukallaf Muslim; to memorize the entire Holy Quran is Fard-e-Kafyah; to memorize Surah Fatiha and a small Surah or something similar like three small Ayahs or one long Ayah is Wajib-e-Aeen. (Durre Mukhtar)
    2) To read the Holy Quran while looking at it is better then reading without looking at it because in this case one touches the Holy Quran, sees the Holy Quran, and reads the Holy Quran and all this is Ibadat. (Bahar-e-Shariat)
    3) To read the Holy Quran in the restroom and such places of impurity is not allowed (Na-Jaiz)
    4) It is Haraam that everybody read the Holy Quran in a gathering loudly at once, however, it is necessary to read loudly enough so that one can hear what he/she is reading, that is, if there is no other distraction like noise. (Bhare-e-Shariat) Also, many children read together at once in a Madrsa loudly for learning purposes and this is okay.
    5) It is better to read the Quran loudly that is if somebody praying, sleeping, or somebody ill will not be distracted. (Gunyah)
    6) If somebody is reciting the Quran incorrectly then it is Wajib to tell him/her unless if one fears jealousy and hate. (Gunyah)
    7) To memorize the Holy Quran and then to forget it is a sin.
    8) It is from the ettiqutes of respecting the Holy Quran that one does not put their back towards the Quran or spread their legs towards the Quran or sit in a high place when the Quran is beneath. (Bahare Shariat)
    9) During recitation reflect on what you are reading. For example, when reading about punishment, one should repent; when reading about paradise, one should rejoice and pray for Jannah.
    10) The way to do Sajdah of Tilwat is as follows: If one hears or reads the Ayat of Sajdah then he should stand with the intention of performing the Sajdah of Tilawat and saying Allahu Akbar should go into Sajdah and should recite the Tasbeeh of Sajdah atleast three times. Then, saying Allahu Akbar, one should stand up. To say Allahu Akbar both times is Sunnah. Similarly, to stand before and after the Sajdah is Mustahab. (Durre Mukhtar)

    Lastly, learn how to read the Quran in the company of a Qualified Sunni Alim [and mature sisters must go to a Qualified Sister] who can teach them how to read as this is necessary. At times, while reciting many brothers and sisters unknowingly make mistakes in recitation which change the meaning which breaks their Salah. Likewise, send your children to Madrsas where they may learn how to recite the Quran with correct pronunciation and Qirat. If there is not a Madrsa in your town, then establish one. Knowledge of Islam leads one to Love Allah and helps to build a good moral character within the Muslim community. By learning the Quran, a Muslim saves his Salah, his Iman, and his Akhirah. Learning the Quran is not limited to just learning how to recite the Holy Book, rather, it is a life long process of learning how to recite it and understand what the Quran says. The noble Ulama have worked hard and written volumes of Tafseer which consists of Ahadith, Stories, and important points. After learning the Quran, we must practice it and spread the word into our family and community.

  66. foreverislam

    According to Islam, the human intellect, though a great and powerful asset, has its natural limits, and, therefore, neither the normative nor the empirical sciences are capable of leading humanity to a sure knowledge of ultimate truths and the code of life based upon them. The only source of sure knowledge open to humanity is, consequently, Divine Guidance, and that course has been actually open ever since the beginnings of human life on earth. Allah raised His “Prophets” and “Messengers” and revealed His Guidance to them for transmission to humanity. Coming from the same Source, all revealed religions have, therefore, been one, i.e., ISLAM.

    Allah’s Prophets and Messengers continued to come to every country and community to work in their respective limited fields. Time after time, the revealed Guidance was either lost or corrupted through human interpolation, and new Prophets with fresh Dispensations were sent, and humanity continued to advance from infancy to maturity. At last, when the stage of maturity was reached – when humanity was practically to become one family — instead of sectional Guidance, a perfect, final and abiding Revelation, addressed to entire mankind and for all time, was granted in the seventh century of the Christian era. That Revelation, which recapitulates all former Revelations and thus sets a seal on the Unity of Religion, is ISLAM; the Scripture which enshrines it is the HOLY QUR’AN; and the Prophet who brought it is the Leader of Humanity, Hazrat Muhammad (Allah bless him!).Thus all the Prophets of God, from Adam down to Hazrat Noah, Hazrat Abraham, Hazrat Moses and Hazrat Jesus (peace be upon them all), are the Prophets of a Muslim the Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him!) being the Last and Final one, and all the Divine Scriptures are the Scriptures of a Muslim, though he follows only the Holy Qur’an because it alone exists in its original purity and it alone contains the religion of Islam which has been followed by all rightly-guided people since the day the first human being came into existence

  67. Islam the Glorious religion

  68. Female

    what if you are in a relationship and you are very close with that person and love them will all your heart.What if you hug and kiss in the relationship?and if this is unacceptable what can we do to change what we have done?i would really appreciate it if u would reply.thankyou Allah Hafiz.

  69. hi ic ant mention my name but i’m so guilty and wish to die after reading your article … in love with someone and i cross all my limits coz he told me we will get marry soon and allways calls me his wife….and now he leave me and i,m left alone i want to die and may be die soon coz i cant allow any other men to touch me or marry me….i know i was bad girl and my death is so horrible that why wnt to kill me melf.
    girls what i did never do that whatever the boy tells you wife or etc never belive them there is no love…..only love the person who is in your relation like brother sister father or husband thats it they are your own ,…. no one else


    • Asma

      Dear Fofo ..I read all the comments but only yours managed to deeply move me .. I’m a muslim girl , 22 years old and I live in the middle east so it is much easier to me to live by islamic rules not only because islam says so but also because our culture here applys them as well .. dear I v never had a boy frnd before and if any girl should feel all judgemental of your situation it should b a girl like me .. but yet I find your self-loathing unjustified .. we all do mistakes , sins small or great and that is what makes us humans .. else we are just angels living on earth !!! it is god that always tells us we should always blv in his mercy and forgivness .. you sinned and you aknowledged your fault and fully regret it .. this alone makes you a better human being than those that are growing further and further away from the path of Islam .. and I couldn’t but notice that you want muslim girls to take your story as a lsn great is that … you shouldn’t be ashamed , love yourself and don’t wish to die this is a sin … you should learn the lsn from what you did make it a threshold to a house you build with your future husband enshalla .. not all men are alike just because your first experience happens to be with a mindless, ethicless man !!! wait and pray to god … and above all love yourself … love it so deeply and cherich and respect … life is not only based on being married or being in love .. there are so many other aspects find your call in life and persue it …embrace islam and blv me Allah will never abandon any human being .. he is there always hearing us when we call for him sooo call for him you sister you are a pure person …

    • farhan

      Its same for me but its a girl on my end and i am a guy being so i am still after her to get married ,i hope we can make each other understand and this is modern world of stupid culture where people has no value for islam and trust.

  70. Ace


    U wrote a nice article Jazak Allah Khair may God guide us and show us right path Aamin

    I wanted to ask you a few questions, Ive been going out with a girl for about 2 years, I love her and she loves me lots, We havent had a physicall relationship, but Ive told her That I will marry her after college, when im 19, she ses she will wait, Is it ok if i stay with her, I dont c her much because she lives in another city becoause of family issues, We only talk over the phone, but every day, I love her lots, She is more westernised because of the family she grew up in, but Ive tried changing her, N she listens, She loves me and only me because her family are not nice to her so she has left home and gone to live with her uncle in another city, We love each other lots but we dont know if our relationship is right according to islam, Is it? Can I marry her after my college years Please reply Back, Thank you!

    • i guess so…for koran allows marrying to chaste women n those who do not ave boyfriends….so if u marry er she’d no longer be ur girlfriend…..n if she listens to good things, that’s all u need to convince er to the right path

  71. Aaqib

    My daughter has met this boy (he and she are both muslims) and she says that he and she are in love and they are in a bf gf relationship, which is what im worried about. The boy isnt a proper muslim and doesnt practive his religion well, he does have a good education and my daughter becomes intimate with him mos tof the times. I need help to bring my daughter back to the good path and strengthen her imaan but she refuses as she says she is in “love” with this boy. I do not want to use corporal punishment against her because i believe slapping and hitting only makes matters worse. Please help. May Allah grant myou guidance.

    • sulaymandarboe

      salamualaikum brother in ilam
      i am completely saddded andfeel sorry about your plight. having a child is a great benediction from Allah. it is trust whic Allah has entrusted to us.basednon my little understanding about islam, i herby auggest to u that you encourage your daughter to read the stories of pious muslim woman who passed away while Allah was please with them and let think about it. secondly have time with her and draw her attension to benefits of controling desire, inshallah u will see changes in her

  72. sweeet

    Hey, that was a great article! So there’s this guy that I’ve known since I was eight years old. We were always close friends, like maybe, best friends. Now, we’re both 16, and we both love each other more than just friends. Would it be wrong if we kissed, hugged, or held hands? I mean, I’ve known him for a really long time and I know that he would never exceed his limits with me (I am very sure of that). So, is it a sinful thing to do if we kissed and hugged?
    thanks for the great article!

    • shaz

      hey dear sweeet.islam says tht love before marraige is haram .since u both love each other so much dont forget tht wen a boy n girl are all alone its not just the two of ull present there even shaitan(satan) is also dear plz b careful dont for for kissing ,hugging n other phyical relationship.may allah guide u towards the right path.

  73. Sahiba

    thankyou so much for this article! So glad i havent done anything with any guy thats zina! wanted 2 ask u about alcohol and smoking? is it haram 2 drink very moderately and smoke like one a day? is sheesha haram?

    once again
    JazakAllah for the article! 🙂

  74. Slinky2k8

    fnx 4 ur article i learnt so much, but im still confused.
    is having a boyfriend wrong? even if you havent touched each other or kissed or anythin?
    i een with my boyfriend nearly a year now and we are never alone 2gever, and we havent touched each other in any ways..
    but im still not sure if its a sin or not?
    could you please help me!
    i wna do ryt by islam but im so confused!

    • Dont worry. i think its not haram, but you should involve much any matter Because it may lead you to evil path.To my knowledge you should talk less with your boy freind .Especially perasonal things…

      Its better to aviod boy friends before marriage.
      The girl who always maintain herself in parda(Burqua) and maintain only contact with allah is referred as BEST girl..these r the sayings i heard in islam…

      if any i told wrong please forgive me…

      • syeda

        Assalamualaikum….. I agree with wat u said @ the same time its a natural feeling…how can it b controlled…and every1 will b afraid of lossing a person whom we love most

  75. Salam:
    i read the whole article, But I couldnt found my answer yet. can I contact u personally at ur mail ID. Please do reply me. My mail ID is

  76. Yousef

    Jazak Allah Kheir ya akhi. This article has been enormously helpful. Thanks to you I now have rigid values when it comes to relationships since such topics are hard to talk about in real life. May Allah bless you and all Muslims alike.

  77. khadijah

    Allhamdulilah 🙂
    yes we are the future in the islamic world, we have to follow the right path that ALLAH has given us. As muslim brothers and sisters we have to keep our religion going strong. In the name of ALLAH the most gracious the most merciful, AMEEN.

  78. asalamoalaikum,i m very happy when i c u r advise its really a good work for muslms,may allah help u in both lifes,u really done a good job for muslims & i hope u`ll work more in u r field and i trying 222 ……..pray for me in my right path,wassalam

  79. you write with your heart, and i can feel it. my mind is brighter now,thanks

  80. Ahmed

    “What I have suggested is clearly not right according to Islam, but I feel the circumstances of today’s world require me to offer you an alternative that is outside the limits of Allah’s command.”—–WHOAAAA holdup holdup, this guy is tellin u wat hes sayin is OUTSIDE the LIMITS of ALLAH’s COMMAND…hahha okay im not da sharpest knife in da drawer but you cant suggest to someone sumthin dat is rong thats how u get sins of other ppl when dey listen to u…the article is really good and shows dat relationships r rong, but the part when he offers an ‘alternative’ is completly rong and i believe it will lead to ppl havin more and more relationships instead of wat he says a future with no alternatives….

  81. yo u ppl this guy has takin his sweet time just to tell us good people this great info, and i think its great cuz i really believe in every word u said, and anyone who goes agenst it is wrong. so dont try to comment bad i think he knows more than anyone who commented on this website.
    -cute but muslim girl

  82. pappu

    salam, i have really got great knowledge from ur article, thx for that but further i need some clarification about my situation, plz reply me on my email so i will ask some questions and let u know about my actual situation or problem, waiting to hear from u soon,

  83. irfan haider

    dear brother,
    I am 26 years old boy.and I am a muslim problem is that i am ill since last 9years.4years ago I fell in love with a girl.but now she got marry with her cousin.I cant live with her.I told my family.but they did not try her for me.but my family is also not doing my treatment.wel,now i dont need to treat,I have no goal in my life to acheive.only that girl was in my mind.but now she got marry with her cousin.please guide me how can I find her.
    your brother,
    raja irfan haider.

    • My dear brother ,
      In islam wat human desires doesnt gets it ,everything happens according to Almighty ALLAH wills.Remember one thing in Akhirat for jannatis ALLAH gives 70000 HUURS(Beautiful Girls) .if one Huur spits in an ocean the entire ocean becomes sweet.See how beautiful she would be imagine… …just be patient ALLAH may give you patience..Ameen .Definitely ALLAH gives more beauty and careful wife than her… ALLAH never dissappoints his Bandas just he tests us all in order to see our attitude…
      If any thing written wrong to my knowledge please forgive me ….

      • Assalamualaikum….wat ever u said exactly ryt brother…always believe when allaha take something from u he will surely replace it with something more better….I wish u could get a wife better than her in all ways

  84. Anonymous

    Salam, Jazak-Allah for discussing this topic. Can you plesae messege me on email where as i had a few questions . Jazak-Allah

  85. Assalam o alikum
    MashAllah this article was very informative..everything was explained very clearly…my question was that what if a boy and a girl are in a long distance relationship and dont meet and are only in contact via ph and internet and the girl’s and the boy’s family know about their relationship for the past five years and their intentions are nothing but to get married asap they are done with their that right or wrong?
    the whole scenario that i discussed above is related to my sister will really help her alot if you answer
    May Allah bless you ameen!

    • It is a fact of life that when two people are in love, they tend to overlook each other’s faults. Once they are married and they have to face life together, they begin to see each other’s faults. It is not unusual for either partner at this point to be so distressed with the other that each is ready to ‘vote the other off the Island’…permanently. Hold off on that thought! This too shall pass…seriously. But the shock of it often hits love match’s deeper than arranged marriages. Love matches expect happily ever-after. Arranged matches know they’re in for some work. In this sense arranged matches hold the upper hand. Even more than parenting, marriage is the hardest job you’ll ever love!

  86. anonymous


    I actually have a problem and i really don’t know what to do…

    i have a friend and shes really close to me and i’ve explained islam to her and for some odd reason i really care about her and im starting to have feelings for her and its hurting my head a lot these days….what should i do?

    Please e-mail me, jazakallah

  87. nikki

    i have a question?

  88. nikki

    i want to offer namaz in a regular manner,but i am very lazy,wat to do plz help?

    • Always Remind ur Akhirat position…Think much more about mout(death)…one campanion of prophet is used to cry such that his beard get wets, whenever he visits khabrasthan(where all passed away persons are funeral)they ask him y u cry alot .Then companion says this is first stage of Akhirat.if i pass here then remaining all r easy …if not every stage suffers a lot of problems…. so do remember abt our 1st stage …
      If any thing said wrong please forgive me… i pray to ALLAH make you to do namaz Regularly Ameen…

  89. momo

    I was in love with a girl 10 years ago and my parents broke it off. I offered to marry her and her parents found out about us planning to elope by spying on her email (VERY ISLAMIC). They married her off within the next 3 days. By the time I got to Pakistan, she committed suicide.

    My parents keep telling me that she was a crazy person and there is no need for me to care about her. They want me to get married. They want to know how their surname will be continued (WOW EVEN MORE ISLAMIC).. And I don’t understand how parents can be this selfish.. They don’t care if I get married.. They just care about their name..

    I did adopt a girl in Pakistan who was Yateem.. She will not have my surname.. Thank God.. and I will not treat her the way I got treated..

    • Sympathetic

      I am so sorry for this disaster that happened to you. If I told you I was christian, you would probably not listen. But I am open minded and I too have fallen in love with a Muslim boy… I beleive in all religions, even though I was born in a christian household. Anyways, the point isthat I feel ever so deeply for you, and what your parents have done, coming from their side is right. But to the most part of the world, it is rude or at least wrong. I know what it’s like to have lost loved ones to suicide… it hurts. alot. I feel that you are in complete control wether you want your surname to be passed on, and you have complete right not to. You have made me so much more aware, and out of all these comments, this is the sole that i really felt. Thank you so much.
      May you be blessed.

  90. Peaches

    i grew up in a christian household. i have been in a relationshp with a muslim boy for two years now and i have learnt about islam and i want to accept it. i am still a non muslim because my parents dont agree to me converting or to our relationship. however i plan to convert on the low and practice praying at least. i wudnt be able to wear the hijab and clothing but i try to wear as loose clothing as i can. i make duas asking Allah to help me in dong this. i am 17 and at age 18 i plan to leave home and get mrried to the boy. for him its ok because he is allowed to marry as soon as possible. however we have gone against islam and had an intimate relationship. for both of us its the first one. after reading this article i am worried not only for him but for me. should i be worried/

  91. Safa

    Salam, i read your article and must say it is very informative, and covers alot of the aspects in such relationships. i read this today, however i broke up with my bestest and dearest friend a week back, after knowing him for 2 years-even though we’ve never met. At the start of my university i learned alot about islam, from the sisters and brothers..this brought alot of changes in me- and so affected our relationship.
    Few months back i reduced our talks, n would talk about islam etc in hope that i could change him and bring him to the right path, but it clearly didnt work. Now im at a point, that even a slightest lie kills me with guilt, and i repent for my mistakes. my parents knew i was secretly talkin to a guy and they politely asked me if i liked nyone tht i should tell them. but since my friend refused to tell his parents, i didnt see the point of me tellin my parents. my friend wanted me to wait few months so we can meet n then tell our parents..but im livin my life for this moment, who knows if tomoro ever i do wat is right for the moment. I ended it up on religious basis, and said that when you feel its the right time for u, u can come and ask for me and then we tell our parents. i really care and respect him, but always have the thought that what if he never comes back to me? my pure intention for breakin up was tht it is against Allah’s law and that i pray tht my dissappearance will give him time and space to think about why i did all this. right now i miss him so much, i feel like mkin some contact with hold myself bk. do u think if he valued me, and if he realised how much followin the true path meant to me, he would come bk to me with a change? Im really confused considering that one side of me says that i did wat was right, but the other side is missin him so much and feels tht he will leav me..please if you could view my situation, give me some advice…Thanks

  92. Iqra

    I have a situation similar to you, but my friend and I haven’t gotten that far as yet. I think you should end the relationship until he understands how or what you feel. In the end Allah will make the decision for you . If destiny has written for you and your friend to be together, than he will be there for you. If not than, you’ll find someone who feels the same way as you and understands how you feel.
    Hope this helps….

  93. sara

    thank you,
    very interesting and insightful

    • Iqra

      your very welcome…
      but now my situation with my “friend” is VERY different
      he asked me out and i never have met him so i said no not until we meet.
      and my cousin knew about him .
      i really had started to like him.
      but he then broke my heart saying that we should only be friends. and i was ok with that but when my cousin started talking to him.
      he apparently “likes” her now…. wat shall i do? :S

  94. sara

    “I do not see for lovers better than marriage”
    from the sayings of Prophet Mohammad, salla allahu alayhi wa sallam

    Don’t you think it is better for youths to marry early even if they will face hardships, they will learn from life and mistakes, they can not resist to remain virgin too long on those nowadays great temptations, even if they do how it will be sure they won’t develop some illnesses of the souls like those of people who exaggerate in monasticism

    “but the Monasticism which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them: (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good Pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done” (holy Quran)?

  95. sara

    “I do not see for lovers better than marriage”
    from the sayings of Prophet Mohammad, salla allahu alayhi wa sallam

    Don’t you think it is better for youths to marry early even if they will face hardships, they will learn from life and mistakes, they can not resist to remain virgin too long on those nowadays great temptations, even if they do how it will be sure they won’t develop some illnesses of the souls like those of people who exaggerate in monasticism

  96. sara

    also marriage is not a heaven there was never some couple who did not faced some problems on some period what they need is good education and strong soul to face life’s problems even the prophet, salla allahu alayhi wa sallam, was going on a moment to divorce all his wives, those are the purest people, and lady Zainab divorced from here husband she marry traditionally but could not love and lady Asmae (the sister of lady Aisha mother of the believers) here husband divorced after many years of sincere marriage and children just to pleas his mother

    marriage was never a heaven all youths must knew this, it is a kind of struggle for good life or a holy jihad where you will be many times hurt but disobeying Allah and making sins will never bring you victory on it at the contrary it is staying near to Allah by obeying him what help you on it

    and love help you to resist all its problems and straggle more

  97. sara

    on the time of the prophet, salla allahu alayhi wa sallam, a man came to him to ask him that he have a daughter two men proposed to here for marriage one is poor the other is wealthy she love the poor and they love the wealthy and what should he do, the prophet salla allahu alayhi wa sallam suggested that she should marry the poor because she love, the prophetm salla allahu alayhi wa sallam, said ‘I do not see for lovers better than marriage’

    but love on that early time was pure sincere and honest not a result of temptations people were natural and kind hearted and the man will love but never think of hurting his beloved or touching here or even standing with here on the streets were people degrade her but keep here in a very high estimate and doing the best to honor here and to propose to here for marriage as soon as it is possible

    parents may wish to their sons and daughters the best on their life but they shall knew it is their children who have to face this struggle so they should not put them on a choice they already knew they will do no effort to bring victory to it, even if you think it is the best for them, it is better than to pushing them to another greater sin like betraying the bounds of marriage or dying because of grief especially when a youth person is still not equipped with high spiritual immunity he got not this spiritual Immunity by chance or birth but by deep training through stages from life to the soul following the Devin teaching God sent to people and which normally take many years.

  98. This writing is in 100% agreement with Christianity. The Pope Benedict XVI has said these things many times. And Jesus Christ, who is God, also said: But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart. And if thy right eye scandalize thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. For it is expedient for thee that one of thy members should perish, rather than that thy whole body be cast into hell.

  99. Marwen Forever

    How great is our islam !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  100. Iva Berliana

    assalamu alaikum
    i’ll send this important link to my daughter …
    it’s very touchable n educative link based on Islamic Rules …
    syukran …

  101. suhaibsulaiman

    thanks for the information. may allah bless us here and here after….

  102. seham

    salaamz well im a muslim.. i wasnt a strong muslim at 1st but mashallah my imaan has started to become better..ive been in bf/gf relationships many times in the wiv sum guy now who i realli like alot.. we plan on gettin married but we are still kinda young but i have kissd him and hugged and held hands and that BUT NOTHING MORE TRUST ME THATS AS FAR AS I WOULD EVER GO..but i dont know whether i should end this relationship? because i dont want 2 b punishd severely by allah(swt) so pleaseeeee email me back thank you.

  103. jazakhallahu khaier brother!

  104. A.Hussain

    I would just like to say May Allah Bless you. All this information is correct and true. If everyone in the world followed this then there would have been no STD’s and so many other diseases and many other things as well. It is just ironic how true it is but why its not easy but also how in the end it will benefit you. I would like to ask a question. I am trying to practice Islam more. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who is a guy and he was like but you are not allowed to talk to boys even if they are just friends and i did not know what to say. My friends i just talk to. I dont take part in these boyfriend girlfriend relationships or neither do i let myself but i still takl to guys and have guy friends. Is that wrong? what do i tell him back?

  105. nora

    I have a question which i really need help with may you please e-mail me?

  106. anis ansari

    i want to just found some thing wich hellp me in my complete life..and now i got it…thank u ..thank u very much…..for this article..

  107. Raheel

    excellent article and very well written, makes things crystal clear. Thank you

  108. jon23

    pls let me know if its wrong in islam to love someone in the same religion.. and express it by saying you love that person.. could some of you brothers and sisters let me know.. thank you.. allah bless..

    answer here or
    u can also email me at

  109. Cher

    As muslims, our concept of love must be based on Al Quran and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad saw. There are so many examples of great love e.g. the gentleness the Prophet saw showed to children, the faith Lady Khadija had in her husband as she covered him with a blanket as he trembled in fear.Love does not necessarily have to be given through words but simple actions like a sincere smile, the firm clasp of hands or even a wink! But those special words ‘I love you’ still carry a deep meaning and should only be used sparingly otherwise it would lose it’s specialness. Between a male and female, it’s only meant for a husband and wife. Truly.

  110. nabil

    is it unlawful in islam to wait for someone you love in marriage?? is promising to wait not permissible?? if it is, pls show me referrence in any of our hadiths.. thank you very much!

    • Cher

      dear nabil,
      I don’t have any scholarly references to give you but just my own experience. I have been married for over 10 years but 5 of those years were spent living apart in separate countries due to personal and financial reasons. Under the circumstances, it would have been better to divorce but I decided to wait it out and trust in Allah. I loved my husband for Allah’s sake so I prayed the future would be better for us as muslims and Alhamdulillah, we are stronger in our marriage now than at the beginning.
      What I learnt from this is:
      1. What is my niyah to be with this man (or woman)? Do I love him/her for Allah’s sake or my own emotions?
      I worry if you love for emotional reasons, by waiting, there will be chances that both of you might cross the line of what is halal in your relationship.
      It is fitrah to want to love and be loved but it can only be beautiful and right if within marriage.
      May Allah guide you better guidance than mine, Insha’Allah.

  111. khalid

    thank you for your kind replay cher,, i really appreciate it.. but the thing is, we’re friends.. and we both love each other. we even strive hard to be good muslims. she islamically infuence me a lot. i pray hard to Allah that we’l be together in the future. we believe in the divine destiny of Allah.. but is it islamically wrong for her to wait for me?

    • Cher

      Everything is by Allah’s Will and as muslims, we must trust in Him. When we begin with a good intention (within Islamic boundaries), what happens after that is His Will.
      A young friend of mine started a new job with an intention in her heart- that she would meet a man who would become her husband there. And guess what? She did. Their relationship was fraught with challenges and obstacles, even the wedding was almost a ‘touch and go’ thing but Alhamdulillah, by Allah’s Will, they were married. For me, I was very happy to see two young muslims beginning a life together.
      The obstacles that you both face now, are you viewing it from an Islamic world view or society’s current secular materialistic standards? Maybe by changing your perspective to be based on Al Quran and Sunnah, perhaps you will find answers to your questions, Insha’Allah. May Allah Almighty give you guidance.Ameen.

      • Cher

        I’m sharing some references which I hope will help, Insha’Allah.
        1.Conduct yourself in this world, as if
        you are here to stay forever; prepare
        for eternity as if you have to die
        [Muslim and Bukhari]
        2.Surah Al Nur, verse 32,’Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, God will give them means out of His grace: for God encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things.’

  112. rama

    salamo alaykom

    thank you very much for the information..God bless you w jazak alah kol khair…i just want to ask ..what does the shareya says about having friends from the opposite gender (just as class mates or people you meet every day )

    • acespiretribe

      Here are some references for you. The webpage (address inc) I suggest checking it out because it explains in more detail about relationships and marriage, InshaAllah.
      1. Umar related that Rasulullah said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi). Also, Ibn Abbas related that Rasulullah said: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).
      2.Surah Al Nur,verse 30, ‘Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And God is well acquainted with all that they do.’
      3. Surah Al Nur, verse 31, ‘ And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty…’
      Check this page: purpose_and_obligation

  113. maliha

    i wanted to ask wheather friendship on internet or through sms is allowed as in this u dnt even knw da other person n theres no possibility of u meeting him or her in real life…so theres no possibility of any sinfull act……..san u plz reply me on my e-mail id!

  114. A.Khan

    Salaam, it does not matter whether you will not see the person you are still communicating. You cannot be certain nothing will happen, texting can encourage a relationship to develop and when boy and girl communicate the third person between you telling you what to say is the devil. Anyway this guy could end up having feelings for you seeing you as a prospective girlfriend. Then you will not get that respect from him as he would give his sister, then why even bother communicating with him or her? guys are like bees and gals like flowers even if you wont have feelings for him he can have feelings for you in haram ways and you are partly to blame for him getting those feelings because you communicated with him. This will cause consequences sinfully. Dont invite yourself to them they can take it the wrong way. If a person was dressed with respect and spoke with respect then a guy would give you respect. If not then you would get snowballing gunnahs. Decent guys are those who will treat you with respect and not even look at you, and that is what you should want. You should want a guy not to look at you in a sinful way and not to give you any attention then you will know you haven’t caused anything to happen because you want that respect and you dont want anything to happen.

  115. Anonymous

    I have a question as I am in a difficult situation at the moment…
    I wouldnt say i am in a relationship although the way we are with each other would suggest so.. we dont meet anymore, and we havent met a lot previously, but we still talk to each other normally in a very friendly way.. however our feelings for each other are strong even though we dont talk about it too much because we know what is right and whats wrong.. i want to marry this person but we are not yet ready for marriage due to some circumstances involving being in further education and not financially stable as of yet.. im not sure when the right time would be.. maybe in about 2 or 3 years..
    but i dont know how we can stay committed for so long and how or if we should continue to communicate until that time as long as there’s a limit. what is the right thing for us to do in this situation? please reply back to my e-mail and comments by others are also welcome. thanks.

  116. yazz

    Assalam walykum, i have read you’re artical and it has inspired me and made me realised a few things. I am 16 years of age and what i want to say is my iman was very strong and then it completely went and during this month of ramadan it is slowly coming to me, which Alhamdulillah stays the same and does not change. What i amconfusd about is i am in a intimate relationship and it has been 5 months. i am so confused its like i would want to leave this person for the sake of Allah and hearafter, which scares me, but i make this decision but find it hard to do. it confusez me in several ways i dont no how to basicly end it.. but in the other hand we care for each other alot which would make it hard.. i just dont have the strength to do it.. but i would want to for the sake of islam please can you give me some advice from this situation i am in. thank u

  117. Hana

    Assalamu ‘aleikum!

    What a good article! I was confused because I’m in love with a boy, but I’m doing everything I can not to look at him directly, and show him I’m interested… He seems to be attracted to me because he stares at me (maybe thinking I don’t notice it) and even followed me to my house (I saw his reflection on a car) last week!
    He surely is non-muslim, which is even harder… But these days I was thinking “well, you might smile to him, just like that to see if he would reply” but now I’m sure I should not!!!! That would be too scary if he started speaking to me, asking things, etc.
    I’m confused because he really doesn’t seem to be a muslim, and I’m wearing the hijab so I thought non-muslim boys can’t be attracted to veiled girls :s

    I think I’m just going to look at the ground when he’ll be around.
    Next, I wanted to ask for some informations if possible ^^ I’m 17, and my family can’t even think about marriage now, my mom told me last time “not before 25” but the more I grow, the more boys (or men!) come to ask if I’m single, blah blah… and that makes me so confused! I can’t imagine one second going to my parents telling them I want to marry… Plus, most of members in my family are not muslims (my mom is a reverted) and they will start with the whole “islam is archaic” thing. I trust Allah and my fate, and what is good for me will happen, but I’m scared I won’t be strong enough to say “no” to a boy who could interest me…

    Wow, I’ve written a lot, thanks for those who will read it and reply 😀 (ah… & sorry if there is any english mistakes, I’m not fluent T_T)
    Wasalam! ♥

    • well sister!….as much as i know…..if you are not interested in someone!…you should ignore!…and there was a hadith i read… i dont remember the whole hadith!….but it was dat … if a boy and girl agree marrying each other!….then the parents should agree as well!….and it will be better to marry someone muslim!….its in quran…dat its better to marry a poor muslim thn a rich non-muslim!…..i hope dat helps!….

      Best Regards!

      • Abrar

        Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,
        I totally agree with you Ahmed. But there’s a big problem in my life right now… I am in love with this non-muslim girl, and she loves me too! But the problem is: She’s not a muslim, She’s a year and 11 months OLDER than me… and my parents don’t like me communicating with her! I’m only 17 right now and she’s almost 19. Since she’s going to college right now, we only talk on internet/Facebook. I am sure that I have NOT done anything inappropriate with her… and I know what’s right and what’s wrong, I was grown up in a complete Muslim environment. I just wanna know is it okay if I marry her?

  118. Yazz


    I just wanted to say i am in this confusing emotional situation which obviously is a relationship. i am 16 turning 17 and he is 22 big age gap but i think if i marry him would their be an issue. but the thing is i realy want to get married but he says to me to wait for him till i turn 18. but the thing is why cant he just do the islmaic way of marriage the question i would like to ask is by doing the islamic way of marriage is it haram doing it behind you’r parents back.
    please answer me as i am realy lost can some one give me an answer thank you


    • Sister!…
      Asalam Alaikum!….As far as i know… you should not do it behind your parents….and is the person muslim!..if not you should not marry that person!……as there is a quranic verse about it in which its written that its better to marry a poor muslim thn a rich non-muslim!….and as far as i know!….age difference doesnt matter at all!….Dont you know there was an age difference of 15 years between our Prophet(saw) and Hazrat Khadija(RA)….Remember in prayers!

      Best Regards!

      • himanshu

        Please answer my question…
        According to above posts it seems that a muslim boy can marry non muslim girl but a muslim girl cant marry a non muslim.
        I and my soulmate belongs to different religion. She is muslim while I am not. What should We do??
        I came here for solution but you people are really hypocrite telling dull ideologies and foolish facts.
        Reply if I you have any solutions to my problem….Plz dont tell me to convert to Islam.

  119. musbaudeen

    i need a quranic verse which talk s about boy&girl friend in islam

  120. Ferhan

    “i need a quranic verse which talk s about boy&girl friend in islam”

    i agree, the author should’ve have had evidence from the Quran to back up his article. it seems like it highly opinionated without it….or maybe even references to Hadith.

    • acespiretribe

      Dear Musbaudeen,
      Here are some references that should clarify a muslim’s position regarding boy&girl friends in Islam.
      1. Umar related that Rasulullah said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi). Also, Ibn Abbas related that Rasulullah said: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).
      2.Surah Al Nur,verse 30, ‘Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And God is well acquainted with all that they do.’
      3. Surah Al Nur, verse 31, ‘ And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty…’

  121. Santa clause

    MashAllah u have great knowledge about Islam 🙂 i loved your article.

  122. assalamualaikum.
    first of all, i would like to thank you for showing me the right path. i have a boyfriend, i truly love him. i have loved him for almost 7 years now, but it’s only for 2 years that we are dating! i would be lying if i say that we did not wrong at all.. yes, i’ve committed sins and i am so regretful now! i am shedding tears at this very moment! i’ve lost many persons in my life and my boyfriend is like the support that is holding me, that is preventing me from falling, but today i’ve realised that there is only one support for me and He is Allah! im feeling so ashamed of myself.. i love that boy very much but i feel that he is going away from me. i know that he loves me, but i don’t know if his love still holds that strength.. now, i understand why i feel like everything is collapsing around me! i want to confess myself to Allah and i would repent and ask for forgiveness! i really need His help. i don’t know what’s happening in my life..i don’t want to lose my boyfriend but i also don’t want to go away from my religion! this article has helped me very much and i will try my best not to take the wrong path again! my relationship with him is slowly getting worse and now i understand why! it is very painful, but i want to change now! i want to be a good muslim and perhaps my life will be lighten up again! thank you

    • Dear Zainab,
      Masha’Allah, I admire your strength and patience to hold on to your faith in Allah. Yes, you are right. He is our Only help. As long as you remember this, trust in Him and never despair of His Mercy, Insha’Allah, you will alwyas be guided to the right path. May Allah bless and love you always.

  123. Z...

    This article was amazing and really hit the truth home for me. But i’m still confused as to what i can do.
    I’m ‘in love’ with this boy…we’re both 16 and he’s been in love with me longer than i have with him.
    We’re not together though and we intend not to, although i have to admit that we’ve done wrong. I want to get married to him in a few years inshallah…But he is a pakistani while i am a bengali. He will not be accepted but we both know this from both our families.
    I don’t want to lose him, hes always been there for me…But i need to know that the option to get married to him will arise one day. What do i do?

  124. searching for Allah

    sallams i would really like to change but i need some advise on a matter if you could plz get back to me that would be grate help jezakallah

  125. b- hassan

    salam walaikom!
    i’m really enjoyed to read this, its great job making by:Prof. Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi
    really we need advise to make ummah see clair and know about theire religion!
    we try insh’allah to work this!
    thank you

  126. annnoony11

    what if its just normal..kissing or hugging nad not more than that?

  127. annnoony11

    what if its just normal..kissing or hugging andd not more than that?

  128. annnoony11

    what if its just normal..kissing or hugging and not more than that?

  129. annnoony11

    what if its just normal..kissing or hugging and not more than that? is that forbidden in islam?? and thanks alot for this article.. its nicE! 🙂

  130. Aisha hussain

    Salam alaykum,

    Thank you so much for your advice and concern about us (the young muslim generation) it helped me so much i did not had any relations Allhamdullah but i use to talk to boys in college and high school thank u so much now i have guarded my self more then before and always lowerd my eyes b4 any boy or men

    thank u once again

  131. Mohammed

    I understand that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are permissble in Islam. But what if a boy and girl are to talk to each other through web chats or email…would that be ok in ISLAM? And what if they did this because they wanted to marry each other eventually but when the time is right.
    Please give me your views on this. also when u are married is kissing and hugging allowed in ISLAM?


  132. shah

    salam, thanks for the valuable information. This help me to discuss in my forum at my college, entitled ‘are couple available in islam?’. thanks a lot. alhamdulillah

  133. stranger

    Salam to all my muslim sisters and brothers … it is indeed a very gud article mashAllah …. i was in a relationship for a year … i knew there wud b probs for my family side so i was v clear abt this wid the guy … as in i had told him that i dunt believe in physical relation b4 marriage, n i always had the fear tht my parents wudnt agree 4 our marriage … n he respected my thought on this n he never touched me… but once when he met me alone i dunt know wht happned 2 him he started kissing me n hugging which led me 2 a state of shock … i immediately left him crying away … after tht he told me he was embarrsed abt wht he did … bt the week after all this happned he started fighting wid me and finally v broke up … i feel disgusted when all tht flashes in my mind …. i feel like i have done a v major sin which i have indeed done … n i deserve 2 die n b punished severely … i wud like 2 know how 2 seek 4giveness frm Allah … coz im really disturbed these days ….

    • Nahin

      Sis………….Allah Sobhanallah Tala Very kindness so don’t wary ! I think u should TOUBA from your Heart ….

    • acespiretribe

      Dear Stranger,
      All of us make mistakes but what is important is to learn from our mistakes. It is good that your heart knows it sinned so immediately seek forgiveness from Allah who is the Most Merciful and Most Forgiving.
      Equip yourself with the necessary knowledge so you won’t fall into Shaitan’s trap in the future. Islam is the true way of life and it will protect you. May Allah bless you!

  134. LaToya

    salaam..i am interested in Islam…i was in a relationship with a muslim boy for close to 3yrs until he returned to Almighty Allah the 7th of this mnth….tues the 16th wud hav made it 3yrs…we were planning to get married as soon as i turned 18 thts in is really hard to cope with bt i understand tht it is Allah to whom we belong and shall return…i am however at a point where i dont know what to do and how to get on with life..i stil want to become a muslim bt i cant b one while im living with my parents hence i was lookin forward for july…i am confused and all i can think of is wat am i to do now…i wud really like sum help or advice as to where i shud start and how do i proceed..

    • acespiretribe

      May Allah bless you, my dear. You show a deep strength in you to seek the Truth. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad salla Allah alayhi wasalam said “Actions are judged by intention, so each man will have what he intended.” Begin your journey by stating your intention to be a muslim (in fact, all of us are born into the world as muslims…), to live as a muslim, submitting to the Will of Allah. Insha’Allah, He will give guidance to those who seek Him. Then, read up more about Islam, get a copy of Al Quran with translation, Abdullah Yusuf Ali is ok (remember to be clean before reading). Find out about the da’wa services in your area and see if they run any classes. Do not despair, my dear. For every difficulty, there is relief and solution (Al Quran, Surah Al Sharh:5 & 6) Fi amanillah

      • LaToya

        thank you for your reply….i wud like to convert at this present time bt i will b unable to wear the hijab so im wondering if it wil b ok to do so..i stil hav intentions of leaving home at 18 so i wud b able to practice Islam however in doing so marriage seems to be the only option to achieve this….b4 my intended husband died he made me promise that i would move on and find a good muslim brother…this i kno Inshallah i cud do bt it becomes hard becuz im stuck in a situation where marriage is my way to practicing Islam bt i cant move on so quickly…i wud really like sum advice on this…btw i cannot attend classes in masjids becuz i am forbidden to go.

  135. Assalamualaikum. Please take your time and think through your actions and decisions before you do them. Marriage is such a beautiful Sunnah and you deserve to be with a muslim man who is good, kind and with knowledge to guide you. Having a strong marriage will help you cope with any difficulties in the future and also help you mend your relationship with your family, even if they are not muslim, respect (within reason) should still be given to your parents. Learn about Islam, get to know friendly and helpful muslims in your area and when you are ready, you will know it is time to say the shahada. As a new sister to Islam, it will be more necessary for you to develop your aqidah and tauheed so don’t worry yet about the hijab, if you are unable to. Allah does not place a burden on you that you cannot bear. May Allah bless and guide you always.Ameen.

  136. M.M

    I really liked your article as I had a few misconceptions regarding this issue. I still would like to ask you something personal. I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years.I am 18 at the moment. This relation has been a ‘Long Distance Relation’ for the past two years, so there obviously hasnt been any physical relation b/w us.He has been in Dubai and I have been in U.K. Is it fine to keep such a relation? In july, I am going Pakistan. He will be there. I really wanted to meet him in July, but after reading your article, I am really confused about what should I do.

    I can’t get married right now as I know my parents wont ever let me get married at a age of 18 or 19.Thats why we have given eachother a time of 4 years or so. I already have 3 elder sisters and I am the youngest one. Also, I have recently started wearing hijab (its been 2 months) and I don’t want to do anything that disrespectfull.
    Thanks! 🙂

    • yusoff

      you should go islamic forums to get ur question answered because nobody checks the comments here. there is UK islamic forums

  137. SARA

    asalam u alikum:its as a awesome explanation but i still have a confusion that if a boy n a girl have a relation lyk dat they never meet each other and never used to talk to each other on phone they just used to chat and like they used each other in studies they used to share there sorrows and help each other according to islamic knowledge so what about this relation?
    plzzz answer me i m still confused a bit

  138. kareem

    Salam…after reading this artical i still have a major question that might or might no have been asked…I am a muslim and the girl i am i love with is muslim if we dont hug or have any physical contact is it haram? What if we are just friends that know that we love each other but never act on it, just talk. Please I have researched this queston alot please reply fast

  139. acespiretribe

    Assalamualaikum.I can see there still are confusions regarding the full scope of a relationship between a girl and a boy in Islam.Let’s just remember the guidelines given to us:

    1.Surah Al Nur,verse 30, ‘Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And God is well acquainted with all that they do.’
    2. Surah Al Nur, verse 31, ‘ And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty…’
    3. Umar related that Rasulullah said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi). Also, Ibn Abbas related that Rasulullah said: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).

    Any relationship (intimate or not) that involves a mutual exchange of love,care and concern must always be viewed with marriage as the intention.That should always be the goal of any relationship in Islam.

  140. Assalamualaikum.I use Al Quran references to remind me the boundaries of relationships within Islam.

    Surah Al Isra:32 “Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).”
    Surah Al A’raf:33 “Say: the things that my Lord hath indeed forbidden are: shameful deeds, whether open or secret;”

    When Islam prohibits something, it closes all the avenues of approach to it. This is achieved by prohibiting every step and every means leading to the Haram.

    Use aql (logical mind) to assess your own situation and view it from a muslim tassawur (world view based on Islam).

    Ask Allah to guide you and keep you in the company of the righteous. Remember, Allah created you good so choose always to be good, Insha’Allah.

  141. M.Mustafa

    aoa thnk u 4 giving us da great knowledge….i wanted to ask that in islam is chatting or messaging or talking on the phone with girls allowed??and if not then how come love marriage is allowed in islam? please let me know the answers because i am really confused…!!

    • acespiretribe

      Assalamualaikum. First, you need to truly understand the definition of love in Islam. It is not like what we have been taught; of Valentine’s and happy ever after. It is honouring, respecting, cherishing one another within the boundaries of marriage.
      The examples of Prophet Muhammad salla Allah alayhi wasalam is enough for us; he was caring, fair and firm with his wives but he was also playful and loving with them as well.
      I have known of men and women who chat and talk on the phone with each other BUT only after they committed to be married and were preparing for nikah (marriage ceremony).
      You have to choose and decide for yourself; “How well do I have respect and honour for this girl? Is she the girl I intend to marry? How do I show I cherish and love her?”
      By lowering your eyes and looking away from her if you have lust and desire to be closer to her; by treating her with dignity and honour; by making clear of your intention to her (i.e. to marry her, not to date her!).
      May Allah grant you guidance to the truth, brother. Ameen.

  142. M.Mustafa

    thnk u soo very much… sir does dis mean if anyone loves sumone and his or her intentions r gud too…..den love iz allowed in islam…???

  143. Syahira


    Hi, I need help in this topic.
    Basically, I’m in a relationship with someone right now. Actually, it is my first “boy-girl relationship” in my life.

    Before this, I don’t have any boyfriends because I have this mentality that relationships like this always end up in break ups and it does not bring benefits to me.

    Not until I met this guy. He is a senior from my school. He knows about my family background, and he felt pity for me and try to make my life better. We get along well. And we got into a relationship. Yes, I admit, we hug, kiss and hold hands. But unlike other couples, we never do anything more than that. We don’t fight and like I said, we get along very well.

    But after I read your article, I can’t help but feel guilty for my actions. Our relationship is going to be six-months soon. After reading this, I’m actually unsure of what to do.

    Should I end this relationship just like that? How should I tell him? What if he doesn’t accept?

    Some will say that, “If he truely loves you he will wait and respect your decision.”

    But I feel like I’m being selfish if I just end this relationship for ALLAH s.w.t but does not guide him to the correct path.

    I’m afraid that if I end this relationship, he will get into another relationship and repeat his mistakes, not knowing the truth.

    I had tried talking to him about religious stuff. But due to his weak religious foundations, he doesn’t seem to understand. I know he is actually a good guy. He is just not properly nurtured by his parents regarding religious teachings. I want to guide him in this.

    I want the best for us and this relationship.
    I need your help in this. About what should I do and everything. Please e-mail me back. I really do look foward.

    Thank you very much. (:
    May Allah s.w.t guide me in life. Amin.

    • Assalamualaikum. I want to share an advice that a beautiful, famous muslimah gave to a group of girls on Saturday.
      She said ‘any guy that touches you,or does anything inappropriate in Islam with you, does not truly love you nor does he respect you. If he truly loves you, he will remember to honour you by not having any physical touch or intimacy with you.’
      She also said that a muslimah should always remember how ‘valuable’ she is (like diamonds and gold behind the protective glass casing in the jewelery shop) and to love her dignity and right to be treated with respect.
      May Allah bless you for wishing good for your friend, but you can’t change people, only Allah can give hidayah (understanding). It is better for you to be a friend, without any boy/girl relationship with the guy, until he himself begins to learn about Islam first.
      In the meantime, you can start to understand yourself better, love who you are and gain confidence and self-esteem in yourself. Allah knows best.

  144. LaToya

    salams…as mentioned previously im a non muslim who found out abt Islam 3yrs ago and accepted it..i stil cant convert due to circumstances (family).. my intended husband past away this yr the same yr we were goin to marry…with this i wud hav been able to practice Islam….i hav to admit a little wile aftr he died i did go astray from Islam and did things tht Islam does not promote and tht he would nt like….i am in a situation nw where i dnt kno if i’ll b forgiven by Allah becuz i knew wat was right n stil chose wrong..i ask for forgiveness evrydy n i try nt to make any more mistakes.. i think howeva tht i hav disappointed my intended husband so i wud like to kno if he understands tht im sri and if i wil b forgiven by Allah n b able to start ovr new…i hav been told tht wen u tke the shahada ur previous sins are forgotten bt for now wat do i do???

    • not imp

      yea inshallah, look He’s(Allah aka muslim God) most merciful, oft forgiving, read the fourth surah of alkoran ‘surah alnisa’ for better idea…..dunno bout ur husband, prob he doesnt know, cant say, m not veryy learned myself…anyways it(ur husbands knows or not) really deasnt matter, trust me..Just avoid Temptations.

    • not imp

      yea inshallah, look He’s(Allah aka muslim God) most merciful, oft forgiving, read the fourth surah of alkoran ‘surah alnisa’ for better idea…..dunno bout ur husband, prob he doesnt know, cant say, m not veryy learned myself…anyways it(ur husband knows or not) really deasnt matter, trust me..Just avoid Temptations.

  145. Dear readers,

    The author of the article, Prof. Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi, passed away in 2006. He would have been 67 years old last Monday (5th April) – here is a posting about him recently
    After becoming a Muslim in 1970s, he dedicated his life for the betterment of the Muslims wherever he was. With his in-depth knowledge of psychology (once as the protege of Prof. B.F. Skinner) and correct understanding of mainstream Islam he put forth the Khalifah Method of Parenting.
    For all his good work and knowledge he left behind may it be considered by Allah as his “useful knowledge” that will shower continuous reward to his soul. Ameen.

  146. amina

    thank you so much for such a great and inspiring article. i have been trying to deal with my emotions and wants for months now especially because i see my peers attached. this article truly convinced me to rid my desires of kissing before marriage. inshallah i can keep this promise to allah for a few more years until i am ready to wed.
    thank you so much.
    mashallah for such a life changing article.

  147. Adiza

    i’m 22 yrs old and a virgin.i promise myself not to engage in any intercourse b4 marriage ,i mean sexually. but my problem is that ,i once watched a pornographic movie,since then,it becoming habitual. but one thing is that i never thought of practicing it.pls i need advise.

  148. AATIF

    Thanks brother for your article,i will try my best to be on right path .may allah help me and all muslims to be on right path ameen

  149. Rhayana


    I would like to thank you for the advice and what you wrote on this website, however I am a revert and would like to talk to someone a bit more about Islam in relation to this. If you could e-mail me back, I would appreciate it.

  150. Salma


    I need some help. For 2 months now, I have been in a relationship with someone, and I think I am in love with him. The only problem is, is that I am 14 years old (I am going to be 15 in a month) and I want to get married, so our relationship can be halal, but my parents think I am too young and want us to break up. Also, my family and all my friends don’t like him at all, but I am really in love with him.
    What do I do??

    • aisha

      i think that if you love him it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks and you should get together…..

    • sarah Blue

      if you love him tell you parents and mke sure they agree oherwise if they find out the other way then the trust is gone so my sdvise to you is if you love him then tell you perents and go for it.
      hope this helps 😀

      • salma x

        thankyouu you’ve been a great help but i’ve found out he’s not the one for me.
        i think we’ll just stay freinds (Y)

    • not imp

      waittttt, ur parents r right, u R toooooo young lil lady

    • u should come in his nikkah..immideately be that k tm kch ghalat kr lo. bt rukhsati after to year may also b possible. …..
      reference: hazrat ayesha got married to the holy prophet at jst 6. bt rukhsati nd walima was done when she was of 9

    • anas

      Just see this if many people r saying anthing wrong and not liking it
      it means their is something wrong there.
      i think now u understand my point
      just try to find out understand that wrong thing then take any judgement
      Allah will help u

  151. Asiyah

    OK, I saw these comments, and they persuaded me to write my own story, as I have never let it our before. A year ago, when I was 16 years old, I met a man 10 years older than me. At first, it wasn’t anything, we were just friends, but as we got to know each other, we knew we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives. of course, there was a problem. He was 10 years older than me and obviously my parents didn’t agree. I won’t bore everyone with all the details and the hardship we went throught, but in the end we got married. My message to everyone is, do what your heart tells you to do, or you will most definetely regret it.

  152. sarah

    i Like this guy and he likes me but is it ok in islam to go ahead and go out
    please help me

  153. Mariyah

    I ahve been in a realationship for a few months now and i am in love with the guy however our perents want give us there blessing what can i do

  154. sherie

    tank u very much for such an inspiring article , i never knew i was on the wrong path until i read this article,now i single and waiting for ALLAH at his right time,can you please right articles on various subject confronting we the youth.

  155. Aisha

    During the summer last year I was really bored for most the holidays. So, I found myself going online alot. During the day and night aswell. I talked to many different people, just to pass time because I was so bored.
    There was this one guy. His name was Shehzaad and he told me he was 19.
    I myself am 15.
    I always found I’d talk to him for a while then get bored and block him. But I always unblocked him so we could talk again. I think it was because he would always talk to me first and he was generally a really sweet guy.
    So, we talked alot and eventually he asked me for my mobile number. I knew that talking to him online wasn’t THAT bad, but giving my number to him would be taking it a step further…
    So, in the end I Did give my number to him. We texted alot and he was really nice. I found myself really starting to fall for him.
    Then one day we were talking and he told me he wasn’t really 19, he was 24!
    I was suprised at first and really shocked.! He said, that he thought if he told me his real age before, I wouldn’t want to talk to him. But as I really like him alot, I said it didn’t matter and I don’t mind the age difference.
    So, as we talked I think we slowly began to like each other more.. And despite our 9 years age difference I really like Shehzaad.
    I think it must be because he is so much more mature then other guys my age. And I know talking to him is wrong but I can’t help it. He’s just so perfect.
    Anyway, recently he asked me to meet him. He said, he’d come wherever is convinient for me. Just so that we can spend time with each other for a day. I know that I’ve never seen him and I told him this and he said, before we meet I promise to send you a picture of me.
    I know meeting him is wrong in so many ways.. The fact that I shouldn’t even be talking to him, the huge age difference etc
    I haven’t told anyone else this but I would really like some advice about this.
    He has told me that he loves me. And I think I may love him too. But I need guidance on what to do.

    • acespiretribe

      My dear…
      Please stay away from him. If he could lie to you once, he is probably IS LYING to you in other things as well.
      You are 15 years old and you sound mature but your young age limits the necessary wisdom and experience that will keep you safe from evil people in our world today.
      I’m a young mother and I would worry very much about my kids finding themselves in your situation but I would give them this advice: Never go anywhere alone.
      May Allah grant you guidance and protect you from harm, my dear. I love you.

      • Aisha

        Thank you for the advice… I understand what you mean and it is quite true. Thanks again x

  156. salma x

    i agree with ‘acespiretribe’ you shouldnt meet with him as he is older than you,also there is quite a age difference and if he’s lied with you once there no knowing he wouldnt do it again.
    if you ask 4 my advice i say still talk 2 him on msn and text/phone but just stay freinds.
    luv u loadz

  157. frq...

    Assalumu alikum
    i read through ur artical & its gr8 artical abt relationship
    bt i have a doubt….im 21 & love a girl & she also loves me………we never had any physical contact…
    we have decided to get married after a couple of yrs, means i have to get job & earn something and den get marry……
    so according islam is der anything wrong in dis…….is der anything like we shouldnt talk each other……i would like to know more abt dis….plzz reply me on my mail…..

  158. iram

    i think the article is greeat ,thankyouu!!

  159. lena

    salaam, thankyou for this article it did inform me alot but i still have a question. I have a bestfriend that is the opposite gender, but we do not have any intention to have any physical contact at all. We like eachother alot as friends and maybe it will turn into something more in the future but for now we have every intention in being just friends. Is it still haram to meet with him where we are alone? we have never made any physical contact and never plan to. We just like eachothers company and enjoy hanging out alone, but noone seems to understand that. I need some advice.

  160. M x

    i wanted to ask this question that is it necessary for us to lower our eyes when we see any girl….even the girl we love…even if we DON’T have any lustful desires…?

  161. layla

    thank you very much for the article but ive still got a question. where does islam stand on the issue of girls and guys being friends. (By friends i mean hanging out in crowded places not by urselves and having fun like playing in the arcade or seeing a movie, no physical contact at all)
    like does islam forbid that aswell or is that okay?

  162. unknown

    Salams Brother I have just finished reading the above and I must say Thank You very much….
    I have one question regarding girl boy relationship.. can I have a friend who is the opposite gender for example I have a friend who is a guy and I do talk to him regularly and I do joke around and I do speak to him on the phone but just as friends and nothing further is it still considered wrong. and also I was wondering if I do like a girl more than a friend but do not tell her that I do like her and keep it in my heart can I still be her friend..?? please do reply back as soon as possible Thank You

  163. Shehzeen

    assalamu alaikum

    your article is a great one….plz let me know if anyone has a relationship with another, they love eachother very much… at the same time they want to lead a islamic life… but not in a position to marry now… how can they manage??

  164. hi

    i am a girl and here is my question
    if i one day meet a boy and im not sure i like him or if im interested in him so i spend some friendly time with him like going to some public place having coffee and not being alone. then later we both decide we have feelings for each other and like eachother. but not so much of feelings to just start thinking about marriage. so to get to know the person better i spend more time with him like texting talking on phone and meeting places but never alone. this way i can learn more about the person and if he is truly the one i want to spend my like with. In this relationship we have no physical contact. we both really love each other and spend time together talking and think about no other person we want to be with. so i call him my boyfriend and i am his girlfriend. neither of us are single. later if everything goes well we could consult our parents and get married. if we do not think we are right to get married we stop this relationship and go on looking for someone else to be with us in the future
    is there anything wrong with this scenario because i would really like to get to know the person and spend time with them before deciding anything. and most likely i will want to marry someone not pakistani like me and i would guide them to islam if they are not muslim and if they are not ready and cannot become muslim because they just don;t belive this, i will still accept that and live them because i can understand for them to change their believes into something they did not grow up with.
    please let me know if anything in my text up here is wrong and if i should do anything differently.
    please reply back asap. thanks for ur help 🙂

    • Raihaan

      my sister,if you really are the way you describe yourself than, i am very proud of a person like you because you sound so honest and bighearted,from my point of view there is nothing haram in that way of meeting a boy if it is never one to one.but you cant marry someone without him being or turning in to muslim with the right aqida.

    • Abdullah

      salaamu alaykum,

      the point is that many a times we do not understand that even looking at non-mahram is disallowed, so why talking to them would be allowed at all?? according to qur’an wa sunnah in surah al-ahzaab chapter 33 verse 59 the women are told to cover their faces. about the word “yudaneena alayhinna min jalabibihinna” ubaida as-sulaymaani says that women should hid her face the way, that only one eye can be shown, to see her way out. If this is the correct shariah, way of covering, how can a woman talking to a non-mahram man and go out with him would be allowed?? If she will go out with him, what will she do? won’t she look at him? which is already disallowed?? same way, in bukharee hadeeth number 4141 it is told that sayyadah ayesha radiAllaahu anha hid her face from safwaan radiAllaahu anhu. Many other evidences shows that it is not allowed for a man or a woman to look at each other when the man is not mahram for that woman. So it is better and appropriate to not talk to a man, the only place where it is allowed for a man to look at woman and vice versa is when he’s (or his family) is asking for a woman hand for marriage. Then he can look at her, just once so that he knows what she looks like. But it doesn’t mean that use this for your convenience and keep on talking to each other, this is not at all allowed.

      May Allaah azza wa jal guide us and may the brothers and sisters follow the truth of al-islaam which is better for them, ameen.

  165. T.J

    hello im in a relationship with sum1 and i dnt knw wat to do i just recently found out about the consequences and thought it through i made a mistake but we have only hugged kissed thats it but now i want to end this because i dnt want to be doing sumthing which is 15 years old but i have mentaly bonded with this person i am shy by nature and 1st i had refused this relationship but due to peer presure i didnt think it was wrong or harmfull….but nw there is how to i convince my boyfriend we need to end it because we have gotten to be really good friends and i dnt knw want to marry eachother..but we wud nver go to far in this relationship as to mre than kissing or huging we r clear on that…plzzzzz help

    • Raihaan

      my sister,ask your boyfriend what islam says about relationships before marriage.ask him if he is god fearing.tell him how you feel about the future ask him to also think about are still very young your life has just started.keep your mind clear especially when your saying your shy and did things under pressure it can never be good

  166. pooja

    its gr8 article.i like it.i want to know ,i luv a muslim to oppose our parents 4 him is rit?as v know v hav to obey our parents d most…
    plz reply

    • Raihaan

      my sister,i personally think that if the boy is muslim and there are no rules based on islam against marriage with him,then your parents cant be against the marriage.but i do understand parents want the best and only the best for their children especially for their always have to respect your parents and talk polite.i would say,talk to them tell them you love the boy and if they are against ask them why they are try to have a understanding both ways

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  168. almas

    Assalam alaikum
    I have this issue…i really never wanted to like someone before marrigae..but now as it is my age to get married…one month before i met my classmate on net..we met on net after 6 years..i mean we never talked verbally on net..only chatted…then one day he just asked about marriage indirectly…i said him that i would do istekhara and tell him..then when i did istekhara…i found he is good for me..and even when he did istekhara he found me to be right for him…we never meet we just text and chat..only when there is something important to tell we speak over phone and that too only for max 5-10mints…his family is ready…but my dad thinks his job is not good..(not financially the other way…his job his halaal one)..he is a pilot…what do i do now?

  169. Saima

    Salam, I just wanted to know something. I’ve been a in relationship with a guy for 4 years now. We both understand that there are limits to boy-girl relationships in Islam so we have maintained the whole idea. Meaning there is no physical aspect involved in it what so ever. What I want to know is that if I can meet him alone though? Meet him at a public place ofcourse but just have it me and him. Maybe to go eat lunch or study together at campus? We do plan on getting married in the future but not any time soon, we want to finish our studies first. I would really appreciate any response to this. We care for each other and not meeting at all makes it very difficult for us, but religion is also something we don’t want to disregard. Jasakallah khair

  170. Sham


    Please in the name of Allah help me. I need help. Im in a desperate situation. Im emotionally attached with a guy of my age (22years). I now realize it is a mistake but we are finding difficult to break up. He is in USA and im in Sri Lanka. We were together for 2 years here and then suddenly he left to USA with his family (mom+4 sisters). My family accepted him but his family specially his mom refused to accept me saying that he is too young for marriage but forcibly proposed her sister’s daughter for him. We are in tears now. He wants to marry me but they wont agree. Im planning to go to Usa very soon Insha Allah with my cousin sister and her family. But i dont know how to get his mother’s permission. I tried my best to forget him but i couldnt accept another man since he came home alone and proposed me and gave me alota hopes to me and my family. 😦
    He loves me too but he is helpless. We cry everyday wanting to get married and live a halaal life. But his family has asked him not to dream about getting married for another 10 years time. :((
    I need some advice. Please help. Even my mom is with tears all the time finding it difficult to see me like this.

    Please email me to or give me a way of contacting you to get some advice on this.

    Jazakallah Khair!!

    • Raihaan

      my sister,Allah subhan wa ta ala has made a lifepartner for even for you.if this boy is the one for you i cant say but,where there is a will there is a way,a dutch expression.inshallah you will marry him,best of luck in this hard times.may Allah’s mercy be upon you.

  171. Raihaan

    mashallah,my brother i am very pleased with reading this article,you express it really positive.this is the way islam learns us to be.thankyou my brothers and sisters for being so honest,may Allah’s peace be upon all of you.

  172. naina

    i want to discuss a situation faced by me.i had frndship with a girl in UAE,she ws engaged.i used to talk to her on net(mostly on facebook).i dont knw some how her fiance`s cousin started noticing me.he wanted to marry me and so he proposed me through my frnd,her fiance and then himself.we had never talked to each other before,or seen each other.or any kind of relationship,but even then he wanted to marry frnd told me that his family wanted him to marry his cousin.and had already told his cousin,so she had her mind prepared for that marriage too.when i came to know abt the whole situation i didnt know how to act.i just told him i dont knw you n u shud marry ur cousin according to ur family`s frnd had also told me that his cousin(she used to be on facebook too)was crying and becoming depressed on knwing abt his wish to marry me.more over my frnds fiance asked me to convince him for marriage with cousin.i felt v sorry for her as she ws my muslim sister,i consoled her n told her that i will try my best to help her iA.but she strtd getting rude with me.i ws much hurtd,but still i carry i told him that u shud care for her feelings.but meantime in settling the issue n helping his cousin,i strtd feeling sorry for him too,coz he wsnt doing anything against islam.he just wanted to marry me,n never askedd me to do frndships when everything ws so disturbing me i thought in my mind tht if this situation persists and he is still unwilling to marry his cousin,i will marry him.but i never said a word.i still kept on helping his cousin despite her bad behaviour n his proposing.i used to cry n pray alot.n then 1 day my frnd told me he has accepted his cousin.i ws happy.but he messaged me tht i had forced him do so.i cried alot.i could easily marry him,bt in helping his cousin i didnt care for him.
    n he asked me y i didnt marry him after i told him truly that i could have done that bt i didnt want to hurt his cousin`s feelings.

    At this he fought with his cousin(my frnd`s fiance)that y u didnt let me marry according to my wish.this fight made my frnd`s fiance furious and he strtd blaming me for all.i told him its nt my fault.i never knew ur cousin and never charmed him.but he accused me of so many things which i havent done.he even made my frnd fight with me and forced her to leave me saying my character is nt good.he got his cousin engaged to his cousin.made my frnd delete me from all sources.this all hurted me so much.everybody pointed on my character although they knw i do all that a muslim girl is expected of.i cried so much asking Allah SWT for His forgiveness.that i ever talked to na mehram.but i did that for sake of helping,n nt for attracting.this has done me much harm.i m now considered a bad girl where once i ws given so much respect as i had helped my frnd in so many awkward situations.
    lately my frnd contactd me n said that she will try to talk with her fiance to let herr frndship with me again,but i refused thinking that i might effect her future married life.n i have deleted my facebook account.

    please tell me how can i make Allah happy?i often think was i wrong or not?

    • Anas

      Dear Naina,
      Assalam 3alaikum!
      2 b very honest, i dont know much .. but as much as i know, you have done nothing wrong. your intensions were pure and you wanted 2 help everyone out. Dont ever think that you are the wrong-doer. rest, i can say is, Allah knows the best.
      God Bless You!

  173. hey gyz is it allowed to chat with boys as just friends?

  174. khan

    great article…JkAllah

  175. Pingback: Ashamed of myself, confused really need help

  176. fatima

    I really liked this site. Iam a muslim girl and accept everything you says. I think that it´s true that a girl should be virgin before marrige. That´s important thing that the quran have say!!

    God bless you and every person who agree with god´s word 🙂

  177. mohamed

    asalaam alaikum,
    i would like to clear a dought. is it ok to have a friends(a girl) and me myself being a boy to chat online. we have fallen in love but see each other at school also but never have we touched each other. i have no intension of what so ever as taking her to dates, kissing or fonication. both me and her fear that such an action could break us apart so we avoid such situtation, so is it ok if i still be with her. i make her pray and i prevent her from doing the bad.

  178. kozy

    assalam alaykum,
    your blog was indeed very helpful, but i have one doubt remaining. is it ok in islam to talk to a girl and have a friend who is a girl?it would be greatful if you cud clarify my doubt by replying to my email
    jazakAllah khair

  179. EBRAHIM

    asalaam alaikum,


    WE thank ALLAH for all His blessings, it refocuses our attention from the negative to the positive things in our lives. Sure, all of us have problems. We live in a fallen world, but ALLAH is good, and ALLAH’s goodness to us is greater than all of the Enemy’s attacks.

  180. aziza

    i would just like to know if you coud please email me back on what if the relationship is a good one, like no holding hands or anything just being like friends? would that also be considered an intimate relationship

  181. sammy

    please can you mail me ?

  182. Shaikh

    Asalaam Alaikum,

    Thank you so much for this well written article. I’ve thought about talking with my parents about an abstinent relationship, but I was always too afraid. Your beautiful message convinced me to stay pure and not be involved in a relationship before it was too late.

    Alhumdulilah, I will make dua for your happiness and health, as you’ve surely affected mine 🙂

  183. allahisawesome

    thank u for the article. i have once been caught up in a particularly dangerous situation: flirting. i liked this one guy in school and we would always smile suggestively and gaze into each others’ eyes for long moments. i was head over heels for him. he was funny, sweet, and really adorable. he was “the one”. all my friends kept telling me to stop, but i kept doing what i did, rationalizing that so long as i didnt touch him, or that i was never alone with him, i wasnt stepping on any toes. sometimes i would feel guilty, but i would always suppress that guilt by (wrongfully) telling myself that i wasnt doing anything haram. then, mashallah, one day he came up to me and reminded me that we should stop, and that night i had a dream about my conscience guiding me to the right path, the islamic path. nowadays, we still talk to each other, but we draw a fine line between casual conversation and flirting. after he told me to do whats right, i realized that this was true love. he really did love me because he cared about our future in the afterlife, and inshallah one day i will marry him and we will help each other do what pleases allah. it seems like a long wait, but once we are married, inshallah, that wait will be worth it.

  184. Shameel

    I want to know if just liking a girl is ok. Without having any physical relationships, but just liking her? Is that ok?
    Only talking and hanging around, but nothing physical what so ever.

  185. this article is great whoever who wrote this article may ALLAH bless him abundantly InshaAllah Ameen!!

  186. Fatima

    Assalamu Alaikom Muslim Brothers and Sisters!

    I just want to seek some advice from you dear friends.
    I read this article because I am concern about my Friend having quite a “pseudo-relationship” with a guy. It means they feel something toward each other, they act as if they’re an item (boyfriend-girlfriend) but no commitment at all, just like an Open Relationship. My friend extremely changed because of that guy. She even dared to meet the guy’s family and they even ride in a car just the two of them together. I love my friend and I just want her the best happiness, but I really feel guilty tolerating what she is doing. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to tell it to her since it might ruin our friendship, our closeness. I know that if I tell it to her, I’ll lose her. 😦 PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

    thanks in advance.

    • Mohamed Naeem

      Dear sister,
      First of all you need not feel guilty for what your friend wrongdoing. Dont get afraid as the fear is the culprit for you holding back abd your worry. Offer Salah and make dua to Allah for your friend that He gives her hidayat. Ask to Allah for giving you the confidence to talk to her. Please keep in mind that it is the responsibilities of all our Muslim brothers and sisters that we ensure all our Muslims brothers and sisters are following Islam the way Allah has commanded and offerinf Salaah 5 times a day. Inshallah this will help u. Jazakallah khair.

  187. Anas

    Assalam 3alaikum

  188. Mohamed Naeem

    Dear brother,
    Jazakallah for letting us know the beautiful aspects of marriage and the consequences we may fal if we fall into the tempations of lust before marriage. May Allah bless you and shower His mercy on you for your efforts in recreating the importance of imaan in all Muslim brethrens. Inshallah Allah will give the finest and the best Jannah. Jazakallah khair.

  189. Anas

    Assalam 3alaikum!
    i’ve tried a hundred times now 2 post my querries here but i’ve failed 2 do so .. can u please tell me how can i post my question here?

    • The fact that you are able to post this comment – shows that you can post your question here.

      • Anas

        surprisingly, it duz not happen. if i wud b able 2 post my question, den y wud i post this? i’d have directly posted my question. its just when i try 2 post my question, i fail. is there any word limit here?

  190. lin

    I need help… I am a christian girl, I lived in the middle east for a while… and falled in love with a younger boy, I really love him… he wants me to be his girlfriend in secret but I dont want to. I dicovering the islam and I never felt this way before… i would like to converse. However, I dont know it Alla will forgive my past life… and I don’t think this boy will take me seriously. I am very confused.

  191. saba

    plz help me my brothers and sisters. i loved 1 boy who is hindu. after few months a came to know that he had physical relationship with a girl earliar but after knowing this also i could not be able to leave him and we were in relation. i tried to convice ny parents but they didnt not accept. from 6 months i didnt see him but we are in contact still. in the meantime he said many times to marry him but as my parents are not ready for it, so i said him no. know he sent me his engagement photo. and after seeing that i feel very difficult to tolerate this. i know i did mistake but now i want to forget him completely and do whatever my parents decide for me but dont know how to forget him.

    • sharmeen

      salaam…saba i read ur problem. I just wanted to say u that Allah has saved u from one of the biggest sin ever. I understand that it is very difficult for u to forget him.But remember Allah always shows us right path. He has shown u. So it is His wish that u are not with him now. Make ur self busy read Quran, be in touch with gud muslims, Think abt Allah when he comes in ur mind…ask forgiveness and pray alot.Remenber Love Allah the most

    • Abdullah

      Sister Saba, This is all happening because these days men and women talk to each other and they do not know islam. What islam allows for a man and what islam allows for a woman. They just wanna do what they do and show in media. A Muslim marrying non muslim is haraam, haraam and haraam and illegal in islam.

      Likewise a man and woman talking to each other and looking at each other etc is totally forbidden in islam. You leave the laws and principles of Allah, Allah will leave you on your self. And if Allah leave you, make sure you will never be happy in life.


  192. Amber Hameed

    i want to thank you about your artical
    i like it so much

  193. Anas

    Assalam 3alaikum!
    i am 18 and i am in love with a girl. she’z muslim too. we are in a relationship and r sure that we both will marry each other later in life, with full permission from our parents, Inshallah. we have met, even alone sometimes, hugged, n also held hands. We both know our limits and will never cross them. the problem here is that, would our relationship still b considered a SIN even after knowing and hoping that we both will get married 2 each other? and i have already decided that i will not marry any other girl, if not her. i love her! is it counted as a sin for me? please help and please dont ask me 2 leave her or forget her. I pray the same 2 Allah.
    God Bless!

  194. Uswa-e-Hasna

    please e-mail me. i have questions to ask.

  195. Abaan Mohammad

    salaam, that was very helpful information on the relationships, what if the relationship is a good one, like no holding hands or kissing or anything just being like friends? would that also be considered an intimate relationship? plz reply and from a genuine source. Any help will be appreciated.
    Thanx in advance.
    Abaan Mohammad.

  196. Abaan Mohammad

    and yes my email is

  197. yusuf


    I read your article, its nice for all young male and females. should read this article all

  198. iram

    salam Im 16 years old and and ive got a boyfriend and we both are muslim we have been together for 9 month and we love eachother and are having some problem by boyfriend think i do not love him and he told me todo something if i love him so i proved it to him i love him and want to spend my life with him and now he is makng a bad habbit from it know he is inviting me to his house every week to snog him but knw i do not go becouse he it is haram to be in a relationship but knw he fink i dont like him but i want to wait till we are 19 and get marriage so we are prper togtehr is that fine is that aloud hope to heare from you soon

  199. lana

    i love how understanding you are.. because when u make mistake like having a boy girl relationship and regretting the things u done makes u feel so depressed and tired of life. but when someone like u comes along and shows us that someone does understand how hard it is it and makes me feel so much better and happy that i’m not the only one.. i fear allah and i dont want to go hell for things that i have done.. please help me to do somethings so i can get allah’s forgiveness. please email me thankyou

  200. Tahira

    Assalamu alaikum,

    I have read this article and that was really useful, but there is some thing that you couldnt pointed to it is about that what do you think about having a good relation with some one. What do you think if some one is falling in love with some one and cant marry him, or her soon and they have to wait because of some problems or might some prohibition. It might takes some times to get to each other. So can they hug or kiss each other through phones.

    Thanks for reply.

  201. Aneesa

    I was so confused before reading this article but after reading this article i feel g0od.. n come to know about many facts.. thankx alot..this article really helped me s0 much… thankx again..

  202. Aneesa

    I love some0ne.. n he admie me to0.. we were friendx but with the passage of time we liked each other more than a friend.. i think i should not talk with him after knowing this.. but he wants me to talk with him.. he is sincere with me but i feel guilty when i talk to him.. my parents know that we are friends but donot know this.. i think i should tell this t0 my mother ..i want this matter to be solved by my luck.. if he would be in my luck i would get him.. if n0t then no benefit in talking with him.. its against our Islamic teachings too..
    actually i need help.. plz help me that weather i should talk with him or n0t??plzzzzz help me…

  203. Hope

    Assalamu aleykum, brother.
    Thank you for your article, it is very helpful for young Muslims, especially for girls, because, girls can drive boys to Gunah, and they can prevent them from Astray. Allah gave us- girls such an ability and responsiblity. This article made me think about my relationship which now I consider full of Haram. I didn’t go to intercourse, but I kissed and hugged and that’s my tragedy. It was like this:
    I came to this country one year ago, till that time nobody touched my finger even, even I didn’t wear hijab, I was practical muslim at that time too, and I felt that Allah loved me. I met him 9 months ago, he is muslim, but he lives in this country so long that he became a little bit western, we met only 5-6 times, the last 2 times was h.. & k.. ( with hijab) He maybe good person, but I tempeted him, & i feel really guilty. I wanna marry him, because I cant imagine that I can marry to anybody ( though I never had intercourse, but after kissin smb I dont feel to have somebody else in my life)
    I dont know if he is right person for me?, I just dont wanna let him die like this, I wanna make him good husband, good muslim and good father? What do you think? Does it work?
    And one more problem I am shy to ask him to marry, and he looks he wants to finish his study, He looks like donot want marriage now.
    One more reason I keep silent about marriage, there are many fake marriage in this country in order to take recidency. I want to build family without any doubts. I dont want him think about me and doubt that I am taking advantage of him.
    I don’t know what to do now? please any specialist can help me with that
    I dont wanna any Haram in my life. Should I end up!
    I dont wanna leave him like this. Please help me with that. Thank you for understanding. Hope I will get your suggestions.
    Assalomu aleykum.

  204. kei

    I have a prblem that liking muslim boy. I am totally different religion and race. one day I felt I should care for him and I want to respect the way he is. so after that, I start study about muslim. soon I read this article, I felt relieved for what I should do for him. we weren’t in boy-girlfriend relation ship, but we both know liking each other. we are friend and co-worker and earlier 20’s. I was pittyful myself that giving treat or trying to be alone. I also wanted more advice from you! about muslim what is acceptble and none acceptable. please email me!

  205. ridhwan muhidin

    mashallah. brother i really appreciate the work of your hand and may Allah bless you.
    thanks once again.



    • Enise

      after a certain age yes it is haram to hug or kiss your boyfriend. but really no matter how old u are you shouldn’t be doing those kind of things anyway. Even the slightest touch of hands could give you lots of sins.

  207. salma

    robin do you means i have sins for kissing and huging my boy freind

  208. hina ajaz


  209. hope...

    If you can please email me… i have been having problems in my relationship and i dont know what to do anymore… my email is: thank you…

  210. hamza imam

    is holding hands and hugging is a gunnah

  211. Aiman

    I learnt alot from this site.. thanks alot.
    I will try my best to get rid of fake lovers relationship which i ve been thinking to true infact it was from my side or other side too but fate is not with us.

  212. Aiman


    If any girl got distrayed in love physically before marriage on forcing her true lover even girl stoped her boyfriend soo much but he did’nt.Eventually fate did not prove fruitfull to them later on…. they got to seperate bcoz of forcement of their families.. and they have to live apart though they dont want to by heart.. but they do in owner of their elders…kindly guide me is it sin on part of that girl or boy to get close each other bfr marriage not in reality but on phone only they do romance verbaly ???Bcoz They never met bcoz of long distance.

    Kindly suggest anything good solution of this concience burden bfr Allah.That girl want to repent on her deed though she or he never think that could’nt be marry.but unfortunately..


    This article is a very precious gift from urs to our generation, it is very helpful to us for opening of our mind.
    I want to discus my problem i want best step to take in this situation .
    I m a muslim boy and i met a non muslim girl (hindu} we both r in deep love with each other i told her about islam she understands it and she is ready to be a muslim but my problem is that our parents are against our relationship
    and they dont want us to get married . Now problem is if we goes to marry each other against our parents then we will lose our parents and if we go with our parents then my friend will lose her islam because it is clear that she could not follow islam with her parents and she could not offe r namaz and dont do any thing related to islam and she has to do every thing what her relegion says .. At this time i am unable to decide what i have to do .is i have to be with my parents ur i have to be with the girl and save her Iman,,.
    please help me u can mail me on

  214. Assalamu aleykum, brother.
    I really thank u.. now I am eng’ed with girl I wanted tell her abt my family before marriage is there permission to meet her alone and holding hands and explaining everything

  215. Assalamualeykum,

    I really thank u.. now I am eng’ed with girl I wanted tell her abt my family before marriage is there permission to meet her alone and holding hands and explaining everything

  216. Samira

    Salam. the article was very helpful. can you please email me and tell me about relationships which are very serious between the girl and the boy and they are looking forward to marriage. thanks.

  217. ıslam

    May ALLAH bless everyone who are posting blessed words and articles..

  218. Anonymous

    i have this friend of mine who is a girl and i dont have any feelings for her other than like a brother sister feeling. We are ready to do anything to become foster brother and sister but we are too old for that. we talk alot usually on matters of islam and sharing problems in our skool life. I would like to know if there is any way doing all this wud bcome thr anyway of becoming brother sister at the age of 17???

  219. Mohibullah

    i wan ask a question from u ppls that r we on the rit path. with respect of culture

  220. fatima

    i have a friend who has gone through such wast deep illegal relation with a kaafier in the name of love now they both are depart n c is really asamed of comiting it knowing it was a big sin
    suggest on this

  221. salma

    i have many questions plz can u answer all of them for me?

  222. Pingback: It wasn’t Cute, it’s Terrifying | Non-Engineering Subjects

  223. susu

    al salam alykom brother
    shokran katheer for this please keep it doin what you do
    I would really really appreciate it if you send e e-mail cause I REALLY need help
    please brother help ur lil sister please

  224. Luthfur Alam

    all im going to say is jazak Allah.

  225. haya

    aslaamualaikum brothers and sisters,
    thankyou for sharing such information….
    i wanted to ask whether an unmarried girl can stay away from home for study purpose….??
    and if the institute is co-ed. but she is not in any sort of relationship there….she is limited to simple greeting her co-students and no personal contact with any…..
    is being away from home like that allowed…


  226. Anon

    I’m a 16 year old girl and for the past two years I have been with a Muslim boy. We have gone as far as kissing and I now regret doing everything with him, even though we plan to get married in around 3 years time, as I know how bad a relationship before marriage is. When I first got with him I hadn’t done enough research on this topic and thought it was ok to be together as we’re so definate on getting married eventually, but now that I have done more research into the topic I don’t know what to do. I feel guilt and regret everything I’ve done with him but I’m scared about the punishments from Allah. I have tried talking to him about stopping our relationship until he comes to propose to my parents for my hand in marriage but he always ends up getting his way and I want to tell him one last time and actually make him listen to me that we should end the relationship for now until marriage. I need to speak to someone anonymously about this topic so anyone that is willing to help please email me on I’d really appreciate it if I could get some personal information because I can’t find anything online that matches my situation perfectly. Thank you for taking the time to read this message.

  227. Anon

    Also I would like to know if the sins of having a relationship before marriage (I have only ever been with this one guy) are erased by eventually getting married with that person? Or do they remain whether or not you marry that person? Again please reply to me on my email jazakallah.

  228. تسنيم

    hi .. i’m arabic .. and MashaAllah MashaAllah i didnt know that there are Muslims all around the world with this much of good manners .. Iam so happy Alhamdulilah :’) … and the article is very useful for us Thank You ..Jazak allah khayr

  229. Salam. I have been in a realtionship with this boy for about a year and he he and i have done stuff that i regret i really love him and want to be with him but he dunt understand that i wana be left alone for a little while beacouse i have other things on my mind he will not understand Help me plz can you get back to me on my email address

  230. haseeb

    hope u r fine
    m 21 year old
    nd m in a physical relationship with a girl but not upto that limits still we have slept together but didt intercourse.
    what will be the punishment for us in islam if we quit our relationship.

  231. Zeba

    ……… Is it a sin not wearing Hijab … but I never dress in anyway that would leave a negetive feeling to anyone who will see me . I wear prety normal clothes which are not at all exciting , but nice , And I am not used to cover my hair …. I feel like that I want to wear hijab but nobody in my family have ever wear this , so suddenly starting hijab might start a lot of talkies and I’m 18years old now …. I am confused if I’m strong enough but by heart I feel very strong desire to follow the path of Allah … I need inspiration and …I don’t really know how to start !

    • Start wearing Hijab! Moving around with your hair open is a sin…be aware of it ma sister…

    • Stranger

      Allah, inshaAllah will show a way to you. I never imagined myself wearing hijab, never ever. Even a glimpse of thought was not in my mind when I suddenly came from work, decided to wear hijab. It took me only only a moment to awaken, by the will of Allah. Since then proudly hijabi girl! Alhamdulillah!

  232. Salam.v nice articl.may Allah bles u.. Islam is great and truth.mashallah… Jazakallahu khair…

  233. anon

    Salam w Alikum, Please I really need help , if you can email me it will mean a lot to me. JazakAllah Khair

  234. salaam my dear brothers and sisters,

    i have been very confused lately, i want to know if im i doing right or wrong
    because i cant tell i just need some help please?

    i have been with this girl for almost 4 years and inshallah i want to marry her, also she dose too. but we talk everyday and are really in love but dont know if its the right thing we’r doing. also not sure if our parents will agree for us to get married because of cultural issues. what is the right thing to do should we carry on or not and if we dont we will be really upset without each other and want to get married when we’r around 24? 5 years from now

  235. Mu

    i have kissed a girl on the lips and i wasn’t thinking when i did it..please help me i feel bad

  236. Kamran

    Salaam I have a question. Sometimes I have the urge to go online and talk to girls. Im 21 years old a male and sometimes I have the urge to go and talk girls not in person but online. is this okay? Also can I have a a girlfriend?

    • Brother feeling like this is not your fault; it is in your nature. It is time you should get your parents and yourselves to look for a girl to marry. For that will protect you from sinful acts and to lower your gaze. That way you will be able to fulfill your urge in the most rightful manner 🙂

  237. Kamran

    its really hard any suggestions?

  238. arafat

    asalam alaikum.
    thank you for this useful information, i have learnt alot from it.

  239. Kiran

    Please could the moderator/the author of this site.. plesae email me in regard to what is right in islam between a girl and a boy?

    What can they do: talk?? work? etc etc
    Does it mean, they cannot be friends??

    I am soo confused, if you could..then it would be very helpful to me:)
    but what about if the two.. don’t have any s3xual intentions, just care about each other soo much?? isn’t that a gift from Allah swt himself??

    It would help, if you could please email me, thank you:)

  240. sarah

    asalam alikum ,,,

    my name is sarah and a 15 years old, i fell in love with a guy, and i tried to stay away but it was really difficult for me because i really love him ,and i only saw him once from far but i didn’t talk to him and i just chat with him, i wass just wandering is this considered a big sin,,, because i really tried to forget about him and i really feel guilty that am talking to this guy but at the same timee i just cant stop… can u plzz tell me is this considered a big sin,,,,

    salam 🙂 please help me

  241. Muhammad

    really great job brother.:)

  242. maryum ali

    Thank you so much, i have had a friend who was a boy but we weren’t actually boyfriend/girlfriend. we didn’t kiss or anything, but i regret everything i felt for him. i hope Allah forgives me

  243. Khadeeja

    Subhanallah. Brother, you are very concise with your arguments and have really pointed out the problems facing the muslim youth in this day and age. As a 17 year old Muslim, alhamdullilah, I havent been involved in the things mentioned above, but I unfortunately do have a few Muslim sisters who were once close to me who are struggling with the pressures of society and going down this unlawful road. Many of my peers have turned away from them and left them to do what they are doing, and unfortunately I followed their falsely ignorant response.
    Subhanallah, after reading this post, I feel a sense of duty to inform these sisters of the true gravity if their actions, and will give them the link to this website. Inshallah they will see the true glory of Allah, subhana-wata’ala, and ask for His forgiveness. Please pray for them, brothers and sisters.

  244. Salim sbenaty

    I was thinking about being atheist when I absolutely adored this girl and started to question if Allah existed. I know it seems far fetched, to think a few days ago I was a good Muslim reading his Quran but it is true and I am truely ashamed of even having this thought in my mind. I had done many other forbidden acts and just gave up on myself and as u said felt I was unworthy of Allah… That is exactly how I felt. As if at a point of no return. So as a last resort at the end of my isha Prayer, I prayed to Allah to give me all the answers to all the things I have been questioning tonight maybe in a dream. I couldnt sleep so I grabbed my iPod thinking maybe I would be able to serch for some guidance online. U were the first link on google and I started reading. Every single question I asked Allah in my duaa was truly Answered in this. I half think god made u write it just to save people like me. I truly owe u the world for saving me from total doom and certain hell. I seriously cannot thank u enough. This article saved my faith my life and inshallah will change my standings in the hereafter. Plz keep writing amazing articles like this. Your time was anything but wasted

  245. assalamu alikum
    i just wana ask is it a sin to have intentions of marrying a particular girl…….. if both know this but dont have any illicit or bad relation ship .. they just talk only n no bad talks………..

  246. Ali

    Hello, hala walla, alsalaamu 3laikum wa ra7matu allahi wabarakaatu.

    I am a 13 years old boy and believe it or not, I have already had a dillemma with a girl my age. She loves me, and I love her too. She wanted to go do a 7araam relationship with me until I explained how haraam it is for the both of us *We’re both muslims* And so she just decided to be friends with me. Here’s the thing though, we mostly interact online… Meaning we have an alone relationship. I have met her in real life and all but we both know its haraam for a boy to arrange special meetings with a girl so we just chat online. Okay. The dilemma. I love her, I dont want her to go to anyone else’s hands. I want to know, is there a way to express love to anyone without doing anything haraam? I truly do love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Yes, its absolutely insane. 13 years olds DO think like this these days and I wish to cope with this. Anyone help me please? *By the way if even talking to her online is haraam, I give you my word i will terminate it as I truly have faith in allah.*

    • Kiran

      “The dilemma. I love her, I dont want her to go to anyone else’s hands. I want to know, is there a way to express love to anyone without doing anything haraam?” – Hmm.. well firstly you do need to acknowledge to her that you have feelings for her. Am thinking you havve. That’s a good thing. Cos if u don’t it’ll tear u apart if she went with someone else..etc etc

      Tell her that you’ll always be there for her.. and that u love her dearly and that you are serious, and that she makes you happy. it is a very good thing that you guys are not doing anything haram.. like physical.. etc

      I personally think, from a muslim’s 21st century view point that there is nothing wrong with hugs and and that just don’t go tp the full extent.:)

      Love is a very important and lovely is given by the almighty is not a sin to be loved or to love.. yet I think hiding that will be a sin itself.

      God, understands LOVE better tand more than we do.. and he wants to ssee us happy and he is most happiest when we are.

      Also, from a personal perspective a guy and girl can talk online..nothing wrong with that dear..:) I mean.. how else will you be able to talk to each other.. if meetings are difficult and restricted and the phone is a BIG no noo! Then online is the only option:)

      Keep the love strong! and never thelet the momories fade, brother..

      Take care..
      Hope I helped:)

  247. Ali

    by the way, i tend to get married with her and we do not plan to exceed being friends online. her parents approve to any person who has won her heart too.

    wa ma3a salaamah likul.

  248. Wafa Siddiqui

    does anyone know if the author has an email address where we can ask private questions or advice? it really would be so helpful. JazakAllah.

  249. As-Salam-O-Liykum,

    Dear Brother,

    I want to know whether i can chat my fiance through sms (like sending messages through mobile phones) or not. As i have read several articles that we should not speak to eachother even through phone, but can we speak in the form of sending sms to each other. As we are staying very far & actually i am staying in abroad & she’s in india.

    Kindly let me know as soon as possible can we chat together through sms & sending messages to eachother by mobiles or not. Is this permissible in Islam or not.

    Allah Hafiz.

  250. ameenah

    I slept with a guy last year, I did not intend to, we just used to meet eah other in public then we met at his house then we ended up sleeping. I always said to him I will never sleepwith him I am good muslims girl. I dont know what happened, its not like me. And he always said lets run away together because I couldnt tell my family But i knew that was wrong and i got married to a lovely muslims guy me and my family are happy with. However i am very repentant, I have asked for forgiveness. But is forgiveness granted for such a bad deed????
    Yeh maybe its human nature that I want someone to say yeh I forgive you, but i know thats not how it works, anyone got some advice??????

    • Kiran

      Salaam sis:)
      Hmm..yeah I know where you are getting at.. and what you mean..
      I personally think it would be something to question if he went in you..but hugging an kissing would be okay.. I am really cofused rite now and up to my head:( Sis did he go in you? x

    • Ur brother

      dear sister,
      ameenah, plz read this book “i want to repent but” which tells u more clearly about Repentance.
      U can find it at this below link.

  251. munira

    i I really love this article since it addresses to everyone and it was also a clear explanation
    But I still do have a question. 3 years before ,when I was 12 ,by the beginning of my high school I started wearing the hijjap .After 2 month a stranger(an Algerian Muslim) came and asked me if I was Muslim ,I was scared cause he keep following me ,so me and my friend we ran in the washroom .but he still kipped following me .After a year he started touching (is it bad? cause I didn’t do anything ) it was disturbing so I made an angry looking face and stared at him. And then he never ever spooks, talked or was around me. But still I had a problem there was another boy(a non muslim boy ) who was behind me. And he told me <>inside my had I was like why is my life so weird .once at my school there was a Muslim boy and he told me <>and I told him I never were it, i mean why would I want to wear makeup if I am hiding my beauty .I am scared for next year actually where ever I go something happens and some boys even winks at me , what is it about me that people likes about me even thought I were a hijjap .will god punish me if some stranger boys touches me ?and if ever (i am 15 )a boy confesses his love to me and i think i am interested i tell him wait for me 8 years?(what kind a people would ever want to wait )
    Thank you for reading
    Would you please help me and reply and send it to my mail.
    Thank you

  252. minah

    i also have the same problem like now a day as u can not marry in early ages n have to wait for a long time .. from school to college college to university till getting marry u may come across alot of boys who r good u jst have them as friends no touching no sitting together no commitments no promises st talking on face book or like on sms is that not allowed in islam too …..means if u being so resistive people of modern world say u r paindu plz reply me here or on my given email

  253. munira

    i forgot to ask something if we can t have any contacts before marriage so how could we tell if our future wife or husband is a good person ,i mean we must chose with who we want to stay for ever .
    please answer here so everyone could see.

  254. Salam
    thanks for providing knowledge on this serious issues….i want to know that is jst kissing is also a sin in islam?

  255. Mavra

    salaam, can u please get back to me i’ve got an issue i would like to talk about and see what i can do to help myself.

    May Allah (swt) give u all u want for spreading such things to us muslim fellows

    thank you very much

  256. miski

    plz E=mail me at….I Really need Help! jazukul’Allah.

  257. Kiran

    pls email me too on:


  258. reyan

    hey i am a hindu and i love a muslim girl she loves me too but we just talk to each other.we were never physical. its just that i love her more than anything in the world. is there any possible way by which we can get married. i don’t want to hurt religious beliefs.
    and i don’t want her to sacrifice….
    your reply cant decide someones life please concern all the muslim views and answer my question. i will be thankful to you.
    kindly email me

  259. assalamualaikum….
    i have d same problem for which im suffering a lot.dat talking to boys just as a frnd is sin or not…by reading this whole story abt relationship between male n female i came to knw dat i ws wrong by talking vt boyzz…bt i hope n believe god dat he vl forgive me n i promise dat i wouldnt talk n walk in wrong way…..i hav a question which i mentioned in 1st line plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz its a humble request answer me????????????

    • Enise

      In my opinion having guy friends is very wrong. but if ur just hi bye friends i think there is nothing wrong with that. unless u get too in contact or u hang out alot. i used to have good close guy friends too but now i dont even have any. i stopped talking to them and deleted them off my facebook because i noe that allah dosnt want me or anyother muslims to do this.

  260. Enise

    I noe that going out with guys is really wrong, being friends with them is wrong or a guy knowing u like them is extreme sin. but i want to know if its ok to like someone in secret. ur not going to go out with them or anything. u just thing their cute or hot but u dont have the intention to go out with them.. is this wrong?

    • Aya

      I have kind of the same question because there is this guy i’ve liked for years
      And if you want to know opinion: as long as its something that you can not possibly controll it cant be sin right? So try to avoid him until you’re over the crush
      I know it sounds a little dull and not promising much but once you’re over it you will thank god that you didnt do any unreasable things ^_^

  261. salaam!!i want to saw me from pakistan i want to saw a have a girlfriend,she live so far we chat eaverynite about all,,,i realy want to marry nd gave him all happy bt im realy sad im i rite to talk about all before marry????? if we nt talk may be we broke up bcz just chat can we both touch plzzzz ans me im i rite???

  262. What boys & girl think about their partner before in relationship

  263. sana hasan

    i was wondering if a relationship is allowed that doesn’t include physical touching or anything….plz email me…

  264. get punked beyatch

    look here i new this girl named kulsoom and she did every guy in high school you know and she ened up getting into trouble and thats it and she worked for wieners

  265. Bhai

    kasem bhai ji? please remain calm. we are all muslims

  266. sana hasan

    okay what if we only talk through texts with no physical activity or anything else and don’t even say that romantic stuff is it still allowed?

  267. I love a guy and he loves me too…We shared it with our parents and they agreed to it…We will marry Insha Allah after we finish up with our education which would be approximately 2 years…Currently we are in contact on phone, we never meet in secrecy but sometimes see each other from far while passing from our colleges. We never got physical and never intend to do…Is just being on contact on phone allowed? Please reply…I need help…

  268. Sousou

    Love your article.. it is all true and very inspirational mashallah 🙂 I believe all Muslim youth should be aware of whats rightful and follow the path of Islam in order to be rewarded in the hereafter xD

  269. zzzzzeinab

    I have a guy who i really love & he loves me to. We are both young Muslims and are trying our best as Muslims to avoid any wrong doing.. we have held hands and kissed one another a few times. But we both have agreed upon no physical contact until marriage. It has been 1 years and 5 months, and we still are strong as ever. We aren’t doing anything wrong Allah forbid… but is it wrong for us to look into each others eyes for a long period of time.. and are phone calls to each other wrong. Our iman are strong and we both pray five times a day, but is it fine that we have each other as well as we’re not doing anything against Islam?

    • Nisa

      My Question is same as above .. and we can’t get married right now .. we are too young and we got studies to do .. else parents won’t agree too .. but our feelings are very strong .. we tried for space but we stay connected .. and our intentions are pure .. we want to marry .. but waiting for the right time .. on the other hand guilt is killing me too .. need a reply ..

      • zzzzzeinab

        Yeah my intentions are the same.. we’re both young and want to finish our education.. and once we finish university inshallah.. we will begin to think about marriage… although the same with me feeling of guilt lies within me! But both my parents are aware.. & are happy that i have found a Muslim guy, who follows his deen alhumdullah.

    • Nisa

      Same with us .. Education first .. and relation s so smooth .. that i dont want to end it up .. i cant ..
      and i havent told my parents yet .. i dont think its the right time .. i want to .. but every time i get scared .. like i dont know how would they react .. this disturbs me more .. and its hard to control ..
      Its complicated ..

      • shabaz

        Hi, my reading what both you have put is interesting. Because i spilt up with my girlfriend as she was scared getting caught her family and also due to islamic reasons. she loves me alot and told me to wait upto a year then we would get engaged and then couple of years done the line get married. But i feel so depressed and i start to get really emtional, what should i do?

  270. Nisa

    Same with us .. Education first .. and relation s so smooth .. that i dont want to end it up .. i cant ..
    and i havent told my parents yet .. i dont think its the right time .. i want to .. but every time i get scared .. like i dont know how would they react .. this disturbs me more .. and its hard to control ..
    Its complicated ..

    • zzzzzeinab

      hmm fair enough… i was extremely scared before i told my parents. Was so afraid to tell my father.. he disagreed at first but now all is well. eh my parents have always been very understanding & im so glad they are unlike most religious/Islamic parents
      Like my guy & i would never leave each other.but at one point i was scared thinking that he’d want to break it off.. but it was me being paranoid!

      • Nisa

        Sounds good .. like its secured now .. my parents are same but still need guts .. dont have words .. how to start n what to say ..
        i will inshAllah very soon ..
        oh its natural i guess .. at initial stage it happens lots of things poke in mind .. doubts .. with time things settle down .. but now relation s very strong ..

      • zzzzzeinab

        My partner and i have talked and agreed it is wrong to be in a relationship, both had so much guilt as it is against Islam. So we agreed to stay friend; close friend or bestfriend’s however you can say it and Inshallah we will marry in the future 🙂 i am still finding it very hard to accept but we are happy that we feel the same; so difficult for me at the moment :/

  271. Anonymous

    Salam alikum brother,
    I read most of your article, and I have just a small question, yet possibly potentially important.
    I have lots of muslim friends and some muslim best friends. Just in grade 12, I was struggling to get good grades, until a non-muslim girl who was taking the same classes as I was, helped me in some of the courses. We helped each other for the entire year in all of our classes through msn and facebook and going to the library with a study group. In the end, we both accomplished our goals. We both had the right mindset about being respectful in dialogues and gender relations, but I doubt that we ever had a feeling going far at all. This lead us to becoming just best-friends, mostly because she liked my attitude as a muslim person and nothing personal. I talk to her sometimes on msn about our future careers and current situations happening around the world. Sometimes we joke about things ,but nothing near anything about the “word”. Sometimes I even ask about how her family is doing. Her family knows about me. She in particular knows that I am muslim and knows some of the key rulings that I should follow as I talk to her sometimes about when she just wants to learn for the sake of information. My concern in leaving a reply is, does Allah still like me even though I am still talking to a non-muslim girl? I just want to do what Allah is allowing me to do.
    Btw…being best friends to me is completely different from what the modern society takes as a “girl friend”.

  272. irshad patel

    mashallah ur article is really clear and it helps me a lot and this article should be read by all young muslim boys and girls it will protect from doing sins
    my help me out i will be thank full to u sir plssssss allaha hafiz

  273. huma

    hi, i just want otto know that is there any quran sayings about a person loving someone else and marrying someone else?is there anything wrong with that, please explain me with quran sayings.

  274. Viv

    I f you love someone you should be able to hug and kiss…
    God bless you guys

    • Aya

      I dont think you understood much from the article above dude…
      Maybe you should read it once again that so what if we have to wait a little longer till we get merried? Therefor in afterlife we will have happiness FOR EVER and thats what counts!!!!!

  275. mashaaala ……i had a bf i loved him v neva used to date v onl itoked n fne nd tha tooo normal toks ….its not allowed in islam so v are not in a relationship …. its very tough …i cry …i care abou him but still i dun tolk r try to call him i req u to gve me sme gud dua’z so tha i dun’t think abou him plz ………..i want to b a gud mslimah ….plz mail me sme dua’s plzzzz

  276. beeni

    mashaaala ……i had a bf i loved him v neva used to date v onl itoked n fne nd tha tooo normal toks ….its not allowed in islam so v are not in a relationship …. its very tough …i cry …i care abou him but still i dun tolk r try to call him i req u to gve me sme gud dua’z so tha i dun’t think abou him plz ………..i want to b a gud mslimah ….plz mail me sme dua’s

  277. Aya

    Hello guys and anime fans~
    btw i think your all awesome that you have such strong faith and everything
    I’m not a shekh or anything but regarding the: CAN BOYS AND GIRLS STILL TALK TO EACH OTHER?
    My islamic teacher told me that: try to talk to that person only if needed (school etc.) also try to think as him/her as a human being rather then a girl/boy so still have respect to the person but do not go any further
    you people give me so much more strengh to carry on my path thank you!!!!

  278. Reda Safi

    Salaam, okay I have dated somebody before but we left each other and I repented as much as I could because i knew in my heart that what I was doing was haram. But the thing is, we have started talking to each other again, and we say we are just as friends, but we truely love each other. i mean is this okay if i still talk to him? because allah knows that if i stay away from him i will suffer greatly. we are planning on getting married, but we can’t now we are still too young. i don’t know what to do ! i have becoming more religious lately and i told myself i wasn’t going to talk to guys anymore but i just can’t leave him i love him too much 😦 allah yse3edni what do i do!

  279. aisha bano

    i was in a relationship with a boy for almost two years.
    we did kiss and foreplay.
    but we were very serious with each other.
    I am 18 he was 19
    But he passed away on the 26th f ramadan afetr the Tahajjud prayer in a car accident.
    He was brutally dead in the accident.
    I just want him to be in jannah
    Is thier anyway how i can repent for me AND for him …for the past sins we have done.
    I want to see him in jannah.
    I have become more religious and and fear Allah .
    please help me

  280. champ

    plz do reply me
    i have done something like that but am not in relationship with this guy.
    am trying to learn about islam and i truly want to say sorry to going thru a depression period.i want to get marry to save myself from such a thing again as islam has declared marriage as a save side for girls.what should i do to get myself out of my lonelinesss and everytime i feel ashamed of myself.

  281. i had relationship with a guy but he is getting married now.i want to know about my islam and i regret what i did but i had never crossed my limits.its onli my conscience coz me myself is not satisfied with boygirl going through depression period now a days and unable to gain my powers again to concentrate onli on my path.could anyone of you suggest me a proper website r any person who can dictate me and clarify for me who are true muslims….waiting for repli

  282. mohammed

    assalam alaikum. im a young Muslim in love with a gal since three years.even she is Muslim. I’ve planned to marry her and she s accepted.currently im going to finish my degree and going to seek age is 21 and her age is 22.she is elder to that a problem??? can i go ahead and marry her.i’v done sum small sins as wel.wherein for that im repenting daily in my every obligatory prayer.plz respond to my issue frnds.

  283. Sidhuna Ahmed

    Assalaam alaikum….
    I am a muslim garl and alhamdulillah i read this article..
    i always hate kissing and hugging with boys..however i love a boy who is very religious and educated…he never leave a prayer without performing…his family is also that much religious…..i really like him…i want to marry him…Question:to know each other before marriage Can we talk or message on phone…or write letter without meeting each other….no haram talkings????
    i would be grateful if u send me a reply
    Vassalaam alaikum

  284. a q

    Thank You for writing such a wonderful article. Although I knew the limits of a boy girl relationship in Islam , it was a much needed reminder to warn me against the ill-effects of such relationships. Seriously, the influence of the modern world and peers puts great pressure on us youth. I hope Allah gives me the strength to resist such temptations and be a Good Muslim. Ameen. JazakaAllah

  285. Mary


    Wow. You don’t know how grateful I am for this article. It pinpoints everything I already know and makes me realise I need to put more emphasis on them. By the end of it, I was in tears.

  286. Muhammed

    a very interesting article. Really touched my hear but I still need some help on something. Is there anyway you can get in contact with me?

  287. afar

    Assalamwalaikoum wa rahma tulla wa barakaat.

    Jazakallah khair for this post.
    I’m in big need of help and i would like to get into contact with the writer of the post.
    If possible please make me know.
    In one email i will explain all the problems.
    please contact me
    Jazak allah khair

  288. Tawakalt

    I ned a muslim guy

  289. Inty

    Hi im from Australia, i just wanted to say that this is an extremely well pieced article and i am so glad i came across it. Everything made clear, perfect sense to me and now i am full aware. so thankyou

  290. jenna

    Is there anyway the writer of the article can get in contact with me? i have a problem & want someone to guide me ..

  291. salam i am so happy dat some muslim are spreading the message i will like to get in touch wit you insahallah [may allaah reword you ameen jazakallaah .

  292. aleena

    salam . i want to know that only simple and neat relation just as a friend with a boy is sin ?????????? if not doing any thing wrong just talking and helping or sharing things with each other within limits……………thanks .answer me plz on my email

  293. Muhammed Urooj Ahmed

    Any kind of relation between the two who is not mehram for each other is haram.Asking a question like can talking to a guy without holding hands, not kissing,or in no physical relation is permissible in islam.
    The answer to that is a big no.
    If suppose you are in a same class and need some help at that time talking to a guy or girl is ok but that too in a certain limit . After that dont try to get in regular touch with them

  294. mahmoud ahmadinejad

    Thank you for clarifying several things. I like your article very much because it’s very logical and doesn’t blindly follow religious dogma but instead reasons the logic behind them. Thank you very much. For other Muslims out there, what is the Islamic view on asceticism and solitary practice of Islam?

  295. Chante

    please who ever see’s this can u please give me your honest truth in ur reply and answers. I engaged my husband when i was 17 and i am 22 now, but hes has been in jail for the past 3 years and we have had no physical contact and we are no longer together. Are we still considered engaged in Islam? I have happily moved on into another relationship and want to marry him? Am i able to or do i have to go to the mosque and resolve my past with my ex? Or is it true that if we have not had any physical contact that we are no longer engaged in Islam?

    • Maksad

      There is no conception of engagement in islam. And you never had physical contact with him. It is up to you. But from one side if there was once love between you and he is a good person, I think It is not good idea to leave him in a bad situation. But you are young, if you wanna marry to keep yourself from haram, let him and his family know about this, explain them nicely. This is just a advice, but Allah (swt) shows the best way for you, inshallah.

      • rahul

        assalam wa lekum
        my apology at first but i wanna know is its sin that i love a girl with true belief of god, with pure feelings for her, with true imaan, like paak thoughts as she is only the one as i even have the same response from her,is it bad??
        we both r that in true relation for each other that even we wanna marry each other, we are for each other with pureness but one thing stuck me
        the main fact is that i m a Hindu boy and she is a Muslim girl, I’ve good knowledge of Islam and m quite familiar with d community but as i said i respect Islam equally but above all i believe god and his pure form love, can’t we b together?? can’t we have proceeding?? what can b done to support your answer??
        please its a most humble request to to forward the answer in my e mail is
        please with the sense of brotherhood do answer me
        god is great

  296. Sabba

    Please could the writer of the article contact me? i need some guidance please.

  297. rahul

    plz nobody have reply or answer of my question!!!!!

  298. asalamualaiku,i ve a problem with a boy,a old friend,he is asking me 4 a relationship nd i say no,that i m nt ready,sometimes we keep malice with each other 4 no reason,we just stared talking nd he said he didnt want to talk with me bcos he still ve feeling 4me nd he knw my answers are always no,what can i do?u can email me at id abdulquadri ruqoyat.

  299. As

    Is it haram just to txt a girl? No hugs, kisses, nothing. Just talk

    • somebody

      No i’m not sure though. I think you can because there is nothing haram in txting a girl

      • taniya khan

        talking 2 opposite gender is haram whether it is jess txtng.txtng increases 2 talking.talking increases 2 meeting nd atlast meeting increases 2 all sort of sins….

  300. Waseem H.

    And I have in my mind a girl that I would love to marry and I have very very very strong feelings for her and she does for me too but my parents want me to finish school first and then get married too and I want that as well but I feel as if by the time I finish high school and get into college and get my masters inshallah then those feeling for each other will fade AND I DON’T WANT THEM TO!!! what should I do…I do not kno how to make du’aa for that sort of thing!!! I want me and her to get married but I’m am still young and I would like to graduate and be successful first! I do not kno what to do!!! Can u please tell me….please email me at waseemhamideh1@gmail.con

    • Stranger

      Real love is blessed by Allah, and it will never fade! Just you both be far from sinning and put your trust onto Allah, make tavakkal. As soon as He gives you a good chance, marry her!

  301. sheikh irfan

    jazakala hu khair,, thanks

  302. aftab alam

    good article

  303. Ass…I am youngboy of 21 yrs old, i want 2 get marriage but i’m afraid of my responsibility taker. What is d way out?

  304. ali

    i dont see my post??

  305. ali

    i need a proper assistance and guidence as i am having a very serious problem.I am a 21 years old,Muslim guy, and in love with a girl< also 21 and muslim,studies with me in the same college but in a different department. We both have talked to our parents regarding this and both have agreed but my parents have yet to see their family.I had never been a practising muslim except offering prayers but now for a few months i have started reading and taking interest in islam i have felt alot f changes coming in me thta are unfavourable to her.I left her a week back saying tat we cant talk and meet until the relation becomes halal but i dont know how much time it would take to make the relation halal.There are other problems like hijab and all that i want and she doesnot.I am in a state of extreme termoil and need a proper guidence..There are a few more issues too that i feel not appropriate to write over here.Can you please reply me on my email KHAIR

  306. alisha

    can the writer of this article please get back to me? I am in a big predicament and I need some advice.


    I would really like to thank dr. Mohammed for a wonderful teaching,which will sure enlighten any reader more on a good pre marital relationship. It will really help me a lot in making the right decisions.


    I would really like to thank dr. Mohammed for a wonderful teaching,which will sure enlighten any reader more on a good pre marital relationship. It will really help me a lot in making the right decisions. Thanks again.

    • Samthera Smith

      This man talking shit OK in this article I had more than 3 guys and l never had cancer so he is lying about that. He needs to shut up his mouth not sure about it.

  309. Abdulfatai Bello

    Strong and Brilliant Message…Thanks 4 enlighten us…

  310. Abdulfatai Bello

    Strong and Brilliant Message… Thanks 4 enlighten us…May Almighty Allah reward u.

  311. Ayesha

    I am having a lot of troubles at the moment where I can’t think properly and need an answer for it because I can’t sleep at night and it just keeps going on in my mind 24/7 I wanted to ask you this personally if possible email me on

  312. alia

    i have done many mistakes in this aspect.i truely wish i listened.i have not gone very far alhamdulilah but im also filled with regret with all i have done and this is now eating at me and im filled with self hatred such that i feel i do not deserve to live.i feel so stupid for my decisions and i do not feel im even worthy of marriage.what can i do i cannot undo what iv done im living my life clean now and i know thats what is important but my past now haunts me and it prevents me from living my present.i am now being told to marry but i have refusd because i feel i cannot lie to my future husband yet also i cannot tell him what i have done it is shameful.plz help.

  313. Buhari Shamaki Dauda

    Alhamdulillah,i have never been happy as i am now,for coming across such knowledge of girl-boy relationship in islam. Insha’allah by his(Allah) grace and mercy i will oath to the promise of keeping myself pure and clean for my future marriage partner acording to islamic orientation,and also abstain from been into any illegal things that has to do with the violations of my religion rules and regulations,and also ask almighty Allah to forgive me for the sins that i have commited ignorantly and also guide me to the right path of my religion(islam) and also the same to all the muslims ummah ameen. May Allah reward u abundantly for enlightening us with this knowledge ameen.

  314. Mohammad imran

    Is it ok to date but not kiss or touch but only a tiny hug please reply reply at

  315. Najam

    Thanks alottttt.. i appreciate your efforts, i got this doubt today and Allah cleared it in few mins, All praises to Almighty Allah.. 🙂 may you and your family be blessed with happiness and health

  316. BROTHER

    Assalamu Alaiqum brothers and sisters.
    the article is great and i wish may allah grant blessing for the person who wrote this.insha allah.
    i have a doubt actually,
    I am In LOVE with a girl,and we wish to marry,but we dont talk,see,text,nothing like that because we both are scared of our we decided insha allah we both will marry BUT the PROBLEM is WE are of SAME AGE,i know according to islam there is no age limits as we have example our Rasool(swallallahu alaihi vasallam),but how will i convince the girls parents?according to the latest tradition and all there must be a gap between 2-3 years between boy and girl (especially in INDIA where i belong to).so i request all my brothers to guide me with some relevant aayath from qur aan or hadees.please………
    insha allah i will pray for you all…..

    • fathimea

      put your trust in your lord -and seek help through patience and as-salah,(surely,allah’s mercy is near unto the good- doers qur’an 7:56 )

  317. fathimea

    jazakallah..1st of all i want to tnk u frm my heart.may allah grant u jannah ..i was rly deprssd and jus was browsing…allah z da one hu opend my eyes for this so happy…=) and im so proud of my felo sistrz and broz same tym feel guilty as the last reader …well allah will forgive evryone of u who cmitd zina n now turng to allah and asking for forgivnz ..

  318. I ve a problem. Please suggest me a way out f it.

  319. I ve a problem. Please suggest me a way out of it!¡

  320. subhanallah! the article is awesome. and it has removed all the confusions from my mind. firstly i used to feel very sad cause my fiancee and myself we dont talk with each other .which used to embarass me when everyone used to ask why dont you’ll talk. but now i am proud of my relationship after reading this article. thanks for such a great article

  321. Simply Awesome nice work and nice sharing of experiences:)
    May Allah give us strength to stay away from evils and keep us in the circle of Islam.

  322. Mujahid Adamu

    Salamu alaikum Brother, this article of yours is really touching and educative. May Allah guides and protect us. Jazakallah

  323. neha

    please email me brother need your help please i am waiting i’m in so much pain its been 4 years now and im still confused plsssssssssssssssss…. Thanks


    i loved a girl from last five years,till the date i have not made any thing wrong with her.friends convencied me,envoranimennt forced me to go beyond the limts,,, but i was habitual of nimaz since childhood,, i think when we are praying to God IN namaz,we can,t get time to involve in such kind of bad activities,,,,,,, nimaz is the backing bone for the eradication of all deases from muslim communinty…. just try it,,,,, you will get answer itself

  325. sara

    could you email me on i just want to ask you a few questions thanks.

  326. Abdullah

    Salam Alaikum,
    I am a muslim male and I am in love with a muslim sister who also loves me.
    We first met when she was an intern in my country for a few months, but now we are back in different countries/nationalities (england and spain) which is a major problem but see each other every few months when money allows/uni holidays. We are also both in university so our commitments don’t allow us to be together in addition to the financial stress because neither of us work.
    I really want to marry her, and believe she is the right woman for me who makes my faith even stronger!
    Please could you advise me on my options, do I move closer and propose marriage to her? Do I concentrate on my career here or look for work in spain close to her?
    Any help would be appreciated very much, thankyou.

  327. emily

    I’m a girl and this boy at school told me he loved he asked me out on a date and i said ”i dnt know” he said ok he keeps starring at me and smiling. he is always looking at me winking etc i dont know wat to do . i havent told my parents about it but i dnt know if i should please reply should i kiss

    • pinkygurrll

      dear emily,
      i think its best you do what you think is right
      obviously he doesnt love you because he doesnt know you very well.
      love is when you like a person for there personality, and NOT looks.
      it seems like he only likes your looks. please dont go out with him if you dont know him. i made that mistake and it turned out very badly.
      lots of love,

    • yep,just dont do the mistake of tellin it to ur parents,,,,,,,,, SO date,…… its upto u but our religion doesn’t permit those things i believe……

  328. salima

    there is this boy in my class and i’ve known him for years and on the coach he said he loved me and asked me out he nearly kissed me once but i said i need the toilet what should i do?/???

  329. Junaid

    Thnx a lot for this information and I have a question that I think only u might be able to answer. In my friends(all of them) almost all are like hey look at that girl etc nd the one who is not, I dont think is kinda my type(all r boys) I want a friend who is a good muslim nd likes things that I like. But the one who likes those things is not a good Muslim so I tried to live without friends nd it resulted in me getting angry when trying to avoid bad habits. My house is a nice Islamic one but there r some things that I think r really bad but my family members dont know about it so I try to leave those sins but then my mood is like more angry nd less happy sometimes I even can’t leave those things for example like family watching a film together, if I try to leave the room my elders say, come watch it every one is here why are you going? And it becomes hard to leave, resulting in getting Angry. Pls help me, wat should I do? Start doing a little bit of sins or leave them and say goodbye to happiness? Pls answer this question, I hope I’m not in the wrong place or I didnt come at the wrong time. Btw just in case here’s my email

  330. irsa

    Hey, i’m 15 and I like this guy who likes me back. He asked me out but I said no because I am a muslim girl whose family will be brought shame if she is seen with a guy. But whatever, the thing is I kissed him on the cheek. I regret it now but will god forgive me????plz anybody answer. I need some advice on what to do….

  331. Molly Baxter

    Assalam I havE read this piece of writing 2day and I would like to say! If you were in year three and you didn’t know right from wrong would Allah forgive me yes or no and even if I sent l

    • Molly Baxter

      What I meant to say at the end was: would Allah forgive me if I sent love letters to the boy I liked and I went out with him would Allah forgive me? after reading this letter I feel guilty for not knowing about Islam properly! Please someone anyone who is a true believer of Allah send me an email on:
      And please help me I am 12 years of age and I am still trying to learn right from wrong in Islam. Please help me I beg all of you people to help me

      • Zaak

        Assalamu alaikum dear sister,

        Plz read the book called ” I want to repent But”

        u can find this book in

        this book will clear your doubts regarding forgiveness and will guide to towards true islam inshallah

        take care

        Plz do dua for my guidance and forgiveness

        Allah Hafiz

  332. alisha

    Hi, this guy asked me out but I said no cuz my family will kill me if they found out. He says he loves me. I told my friend to find out for me if he really likes me or is just playing with me. She said that he told her he loves me and is changing for me. He wants us to go out with me and keep it hidden from our families, but I told him that i’m’mI not that type of girl. He says he will wait for me. I’m confused b plz help.

  333. monisa

    plzzz….. do not go out with him . and also do not ask ur friend to ask him any thing . see! if he really is a true muslim then he would have never asked u to do that. and if he really likes u then he should ask for ur marriage proposal to ur parents and not ask u to go out with him which is haaram according to islam

    • alisha

      Thank u but itzz very complicated

      • Molly Baxter

        I would like to say just by making your friend go do it he will start thinking your into him too! And also if he is a Muslim person he should understand that a man and woman can never touch eachother cause they say that a women’s touch is a privilege! And that’s great you said no and also if you know about Islam more you will start to know things right from wrong! Tell him that you can’t do anything besides waiting till marriage! Inshallah you find the right path

  334. Sharah

    hey i lve this guy rly truely n he also lves me truley bt ma parents refuse coz of the status issue….i dnt wnt 2 hurt ma parents at the sme tym dnt wnt 2 leave him coz he z ma 1st love n we hve bn in a relationship 4 past 5yrs i dnt knw wt 2 do i hve bn making lot of dua i dnt wnt ma parents 2 reject him coz of status 😦 plz do advice me on this….

  335. Muslim boy

    Aoa This might not be the right place to post this comment but I couldnt find any other so sorry u may delete it if u want to, I want to know that is masturbation halal makroh or haram? Some say it’s halal some it’s makroh and some it’s haram so I’m stuck. I’m 14 nd my surroundings bring me thoughts about it so it’s hard to leave it ( I m not from the west) I’m careful about taking ghusl whenever I do it nd I don’t care wat modern science says caz 100 years ago science was also modern for people of those days… Some people use that ayah which is like(I don’t remember exactly)”and those who guard their chastity from their wives and what their right hand possesses, for them there is not blame” so then this thought came to me that do we not possess our left hand? Or right hand? So pls guide me nd I can’t fast caz I’m skinny so my parents are really carefull about me eating oh nd wat ever u answer, if u can pls tell how u can say it… my email is

  336. hiba

    plz tell me the level of adultery and it punishment??
    plz tell me what z the punishment of hugging and kissing a boy??plz ans me at

  337. sister

    there is this boy in my class and well we both love each other and he asked me out i said no i also asked my friends to ask him if ge really does love me or is just messing she said he said he wants to go out with me snd if my parents know they will kill me !!!
    how do i tell my parents ?!?!?
    what to do
    p.s:my friends also told me he wants to ..kiss me….

    • Mylovelyangel

      A person who wanted to kiss me at school married to my close friend. It is a long story. Dont forget that true love is beyond the physical joy!

  338. shaz

    jazakallah khair for the wonderful article Dr.mohammed.this article has been a great help for 18 n will always keep all those points in my mind untill i get married.may god bless u n lead all the muslims to right path in islam

  339. shaz

    anybody on earth plz help me out.ive a cousin sister who is 20 years old n is madly in love wid a guy of her class they love each other madly.but have never crossed their limits they hav never got physicalwith eachother.her parents as well as the entire family got to know about her relationship wid this guy.rthey adviced her n grounded her .now she goes to a different college n their parents think tht she has got over him n is following islam well.but its only me who knws the truth tht she talks to him over the phone every night.the was also given to her by her wht do i do i hav to tell my family about it or just keep quite.if i tell thm thn it will b like im backstabing her n if i dont let the family knw abt it thn this will lead to a lot of problems in future..plzdo help me out i dont want to hurt my cousin sister as well as my family wht do i do now…

    • zaak

      Assalamu alaikum,

      If u really love ur cousin sister, then u have to tell to her parents to save her from illegal relation in this world otherwise she will suffer alot in this world and also in hereafter. and Plz tell to her parents with the intention of saving her from hellfire. Inshallah Allah will reward u for this.

      Remember best brother, best sister, best mother, best father, best friend are those who bring u closer to Allah and avoid u from shaitanic activities.
      so plz tell to her parents about her relation and save her from bad things

      Allah Hafiz

  340. Sanah

    Sallams, jaazakAllah for this amazing aricle it really helped 🙂

    I have small problem just like many young brothers & sisters..
    im a practicing women aged 22 and the only downfall is being in a relationship with a boy (aged 26) whom im deeply in love with. we have been together for 5 years. we have gone as far as kissing and hugging. we both want to get married asap but his parents dont approve of it as they strongly believe in arranged marriages and casts only. But to my knowledge i know being from a different cast shouldnt be an issue? He has taught me alot of good things, took me out of the wrong and brought me closer to Allah, i now pray, practice, wear hijab and cover (but feel ashamed of being in a relationship) i really want to marry this guy yet avoid a relationship. we have tried everything to convince his parents (very religious) and we both dont want to hurt or go against them. im just a little lost for what step to take next as i know no one has promised us tomorrow. I am ready to stop talking and meeting him but waiting for eachother is that allowed? How can i overcome this situation, we struggled and encountered alot of problems, and i know why this is because by all means, no relationship is greater and peaceful than a marriage relationship. I pray to Allah (swt) our Ummah stays in the right path and avoids such haram. Ameen.. May Allah swt forgive us all for our weakness..

  341. Mylovelyangel

    eh, this is good that you understand why you are not marrying. In my case I dont know the reason why he does not ask my hands even though so much in love, after reading this article i got upset and broke with him 1year before! and I dont know the reason 😦

  342. HELP


    • zaak

      Dear Sister,
      Do u want to marry a boy who doesn’t believe in Allah and the final messenger Prophet (PBUH). Do u want to become a non-muslim by marrying a non-muslim boy, Do u want to leave ur religion, ur parents, ur respect and everything for the sake of nonmuslim boy, I suggest u to become closer to Allah by reading Quran and Hadeeths and try to come out of this situation. Plz open ur eyes plz believe me u will get cheated and u will lose everything if u dont leave him now.

      May Allah guide me and u and all muslims

  343. anindya

    my moms told that in islam ,,, married is not about love and honest,,
    i really know and understand about this,,,,
    but i have secret which i keep from my family and parents…
    i have a relationship with this men ,, and he is a boedhism…
    he told me that is’t oke for him if we have difrent relligion
    but i really worried about this,,,
    then i think that i will never married,,,
    ya allah ,, gude my step…
    and friends ,, plese give me your opinion about this,,,

    • beliver

      well i can only pray ,Allahto give you hidayat.u have gone astraay.its HARAAM sister why dont you open your you still want to disobey ALLAH for the sake of a haram relation. i suggest you just need to think of all this your wrong doings for 30 minutes . i think u will understand ewhat is rifght and wrong . i suggest you read te above article once again.

  344. Anya

    I am a Christian and I would like to marry a Muslim. He told me that we would have to be separated for six months and the main rule is no cheating before we are able to marry. Are there any more rules? How does one marry more than one wives in America? Thank you!

  345. Arafat

    the person i love….in her life friends are d most important……at times even important than her parents…….can i expect hr to luv me after our marriage??? i knw tym changes everything but wat if her current attitude does not change?
    moreover she is my cousin and till date she did not tel me if she luvs me or not……
    i also hugged whch i feel was wrong on my part to do…..
    my age is 16 nd so is hers…….she says she doesnt want to answer this question at such tender age…..
    what shuld i do??
    shuld i leav her on her own….i mean should i end everything??

  346. Dr Mufeez ur rahman khan

    as salam alaikum sir,
    Is it possible for u to clear my doubts regarding the above issue.

  347. lamia

    Very Insightful.May Allah give us all young Muslim brothers and sisters the strength to abstain from all evil deeds.Being a good muslim in today’s day and age is so hard that’s why we all have to pray for constant guidance.For me I always pray that I always remain God fearing may I always feel bad after committing a sin. Ameen. Allah please forgive all of us muslim for our sins and guide us to the righteous path.Ameen.

  348. Confused

    Hey, thanks for this article. I made one mistake, didn’t actually sleep with a guy, but came close to, and I can’t talk to anyone about it. I know it was a major mistake, and I am repenting everyday since it happened last year. Any advice on what to do to obtain complete forgiveness from ALLAH?

  349. AsifIqbal

    Am in Love with my cousin can we get married without our parents permission, v are matured,
    Pls suggest

  350. sheerin

    Assalamu aaikum…..
    thank u for such a valuble information. even i got a question that in few next days me n my boyfriend z getting marry. v both love each other so much nd spend lots of time together nd we kissed nd hugged n had some romantic times spend with each other. i just wanna know that is it really big sin what i have done? i know it is a sin but i couldnt stopped it that means i want to but i couldnt plz help me nd suggest me, that how i should ask allah for forgiveness after all this what i have done in my past and make my future married life so happy……? plz reply me i really thankful to u
    thanks nd regards

    • zaak

      Assalamu alaikum dear sister,

      Plz read the book called ” I want to repent But”

      u can download this book from

      This book will help u to know how to ask forgiveness to Allah, and tells u about the Allah’s mercy.

      take care

      Plz do dua for my guidance and forgiveness

      Allah Hafiz

  351. Mylovelyangel

    Congratulations! May Allah forgive your sins and give you beautiful married life! Long live together and have sweet babies!

  352. sehrish

    This was very useful Thank you 🙂

  353. p106602

    I really want to discuss my problem with the writer if its possible somehow ….its not the same as its mentioned in the above article but its related to that …Please email me your email address so that i should know that what is right and whats wrong and what should be my limits

    • The write is dead my friend. I can be of help to you in any matter. I will In Shaa Allah guide you from the Quran. If you would like otherwise then do this, write your problem as a question and then write it on google followed by the word Quran or Islam. Then read few links which look valid. While reading check its validity. If it is from the Quran, it is perfect you know it.

      My email address is

  354. felanii

    dear perosn who wrote the this great article, can you help me with a problem. i am engaged to a boy who is 21 year old he lives in my country which is in west asia..and i live in europ . i am 19 years old,and was 3 years ago engaged to this guy through arranged marrige, by my parentz, i do love the boy very much, but he seems after 3 years not to pay much attention to me, like we talk to eachother once a week! and that for 30 min.. he is far away from me and i feel like our relationship got cold, and my paretenz do know about this but they are being patient and belive/ trust the boy that he loves me too.we moved to another country which is stil europ and i go nw to a total other school with another languge, while i have been goining to school i met another boy, he seems to like me a lot, he tells me he loves me and is ready to give up his life for me. he is 16 years old but looks much older from outside , he is also from my country and is a good muslim.. he does know that i am engaged but stil doesnt seem to hold on his feelngs back, he fallowes me and everywhere i go, just to see me, he gave me a very expensive present which i couldnt take, but he forsed me to take it.., my parents my fiance no one knows about him, only a few of my freinds does who i trust, every time he is around me i feel pleased, but i dnt find it good idea to tell him, because he knows that i am in a relationship bit stil cant forget me, and for me it seems veryu hard to forget him, and at the same time i think i am cheating on my fiance.. i mean i havnt done nothing with the boy that likes me from school, he never treid to touch me or to kiss me, he just talked to me and tried to know me beter.. but i think i am in love with two guys,, i dnt now what to do, when i am with the boy form school i feel like the time is flying,, and when i am with my fiance it feels like the time is flying too but kind of akward somtimes.. please i know i made a big sin,, i broke the boys heart (from school) i told him i cant have relationship with you, and i saw his tears in his eyes which i never can firget, i hav been praying a lot for allah to firgive me, and i hav treid to stay away from the boy,, but everytime i see him if only its for 3 sec i feel like that i had great day,, and i want the day to be over and quickly gets tomorw to see him for another 3 sec,. i know he feels the same fro me, but what breaks my heart is that i will never ever hav somthing with him, and even knowing this i still cant forget him,and my heart still wants him,.. my parents would never allow me to get married to him.. my love story is a bit confusing i know,,,i do not know what to do. if you know please help me .. i would appriciate ..thank youu

    • Salam’u’Alaikum sister,

      the condition with the 16 year old boy, is somehow similar with mine. I used to like a girl a lot and used to help her and to see her smile i used to do everything. I loved her that time a lot (mind it – it is an illusion from Satan – to beguile you from the remembrance of Allah – which i came to realise later on). What you can do in this matter is that seek help from Allah in patience and prayer (Salah and supplication).

      “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (2:153)

      “Verily man is in loss, except such as have faith, and do righteous deeds, and join together in the mutual enjoining of truth, and of patience and constancy.” (103:2-3)

      When i was in love with that girl, she left me and my heart also broke. This was because i put all my heart on her and nothing for Allah. You can check this by asking that boy, that how much time does he give to The Remembrance of Allah (i.e. is he regular in his prayers) and how much to The Quran. He would be thinking less of Allah, and more of you, which is wrong.

      Besides, Islam does not allow affairs outside marriage, it leads to corruption and ruin, for i was a victim of that myself.

      Alhumdulillah now i have recovered from those bad times and Remember Allah much, by His Grace.


  355. felanii

    i do not know if i did the right thing, and if allah would forgive me for breaking the boys heart, what do i need to do , how will i be forgiving,, form the boys side plus allahs side,, and there is one more thing.. the boy from my school which is a very good muslim,, he brought one day the quran sharif at school and wanted me to teel him the truth by putting my hand on the quran sharif to qasam ( swear/promis) that i do not love him and that i am in a relationship (i have a fiance) because somhow he ddnt look like he belived me.. and i did that just for him to forget me, and leav my back… ( which i lied) this big sin is haunting me very moment every day every sec,, i am ashamed.. and regeret of what i did,, but on the other hand he is nw repecting me and not fallowing me no more,, he does love me, a lott but we are nw just freinds .. i dnt see him ofeten like i did before.. i have been trough a lot of though times.. after i made that big sin.. please if you know what to do to ask for forgivness to allah, please do tell me,, i cant sleep very time of every sec,, every moment it keeps coming backk.. of what i have done.. and i cant talk about this to anyone.. would allah forgive me??

  356. mrkhan

    DEar all,

    I m engaged ….

    At first everything was going fine… either though i respected Islamic privileges and did not ever touched my fiance not even did anything stupid that i would be ashamed of. But whenever i wanted to speak with her i have asked for a permission from their and my parents before taking her out. And on those permission i have not touched her or pleased her. Just wanted to see her smile and wanted to discuss what would we do after marriage. thats it.

    So do u think did i cross the limits.

    cause now things have changed as it usually happens when u fall in love.

  357. jes


    I just went on google to find information on islam and I found this page, and it is an amazing article. To the author of the article may Allah bless you, may he shower his blessings on you and your family always. And thank your for the valuable advise. May Allah guide all of us ameen suma ameen.

    Salaam 🙂

  358. sharmin

    this article helps me lot to know about zina……and i’m very happy becoz i’m on the way of islam thank you for the knowledge u shared with us….

  359. The author returned to Allah’s rahmah in 2006 – a few months after completing the above article. In fact he did not get the chance of viewing this work when the printing of small booklet of the above article was completed just a few days after his demise.


  360. Irafana

    Salaams my brothers and sisters in islam, FIRST AND FOremost, this article has bought tears to my eyes and has really opened my eyes and InshAllah, Allah (Swt) reward the author in the afterlife for this. I wanted some advice however about my situation.. of where I met a young muslim brother who is good in deen and dunya, if it were his way we would have had a nikah right away however as we are from both different cultures it is stopping us from marriage as my family wont approve? What to do? i dont want to commit any illicit activities no longer we want to get married right away…? but my family just dont approve for no islamic reasoning!

  361. Any Chance Of HELP Please

    I know its not good to have a non-muslim boy and love him but he is just really cute and i cant helpit he asked my friends to ask me if i will go out with him 8 times now and my parents dont know and i am scared as if i tell them they will move schools and i have a lot of friends there please help me what to do

    p.s :first i need help second he asked me out on friday and i just mumbel

    • “Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman even though she allure you. Nor Marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind: that they may receive admonition”. [Al-Qur’an 2:221]

  362. Mylovelyangel

    You my sister, I really care about all young girls in islam, and about you too. Inshaallah you will find somebody in islam in the future who knows your values and respectfully asks your hand. In my eyes too, sometimes men of other religion seem more faithfull and trustfull. But Allah knows everything, and he knows why he forbids that. BUT WE DONT KNOW!
    You can tell yourself, that I will go out one time and see. But from my experience I will tell you that there are many regrets behind that, i dont want you, my sister, to be hurted by somebody. Because once you begin it, it is damn difficult to stop it. Please, be carefull. Dont be afraid of anybody, may it is your mom or, dad. But ALLAH is Watching you! How can you look at him that day? How?

  363. Scarlet Ice

    Beautifully written article ^_^ !!

  364. Richard

    Im mot even muslim and this completely changed my perspective. Thank you for opening my eyes.

  365. I came upon your website by accident
    thank you for writing this, although I am confused as to why you offered a ‘less haram’ alternative, however good your intentions might be
    Take care 🙂

  366. Lets know about Islam culture and other religions. Listen Islamic Lectures of various islamic scholars, stories, beautiful Mosques, Poems, andnamy more. Just visit

  367. Hi i we will to the us non more before u &

  368. Ibrahim Nganico Mi


  369. Ibrahim Nganico Mi

    Thanks for a good article

  370. Hope

    Wont Allah punish a Muslim who has deliberately hurt a lot of girls. Girls in particular of a younger age. Who deliberately..lies that he loves the girl..uses the girl’s innocence to use her body? Shouldn’t they be punished?

  371. zain

    allright, so i was seeing a girl for a long time as she’s very b’ful…… but m still very much shy about talkin to her…… but one day i’ll succeed.,but thats not the problem……. first of all,is ‘boy-girl’ seeing each other allowed in islam??

  372. nasim ansari

    i belived at allah because in wold no any gods only is allah all the world

  373. SALEHA

    i want to know that the relation ship in which no touching , hug and kiss …….is allowed in ISLAM..??????..


  375. Depressed gal

    This article has opened my eyes and made me realised the sins which i committed in past. . .

  376. arianni

    i even never dating before. .coz i know it.s not good and i won.t do something called zina..
    but now i fall in love with this men
    he really understand me
    he even never ask to hold my hand or huge me….
    because he know and understand it.s forbiden to do that in islam…
    and he asked me to marry him…
    bur he is a buddhism….
    he told me that he will convert to islam. ..if that is the only way to marry me…
    but i wont he convert because of
    it.s must come from him heart to be a muslim…

  377. An entire piece of islamic rules thnx a lot bt is lieing for love not a sin???????????

  378. Help please

    I am a young muslim who needs help,
    there is this young boy (same age and class as me) and we know each other VERY well , but the thing is , he fancies me alot and keeps asking me out he also sitts next to me whenever he can and put on this smile that makes you want to smile back.He told my friend not to tell me (even though she did ) but he says he has feelingfor me from the bottom of his heart and I just want a way to tell my parents all this but every time i try i get shy and dont know what to say.Please help me !! And is it harem to hug a boy or not (no kissing just hugging)

  379. How old are you, “Help please”?

  380. zara

    I need SERIOUS advice. i’m in need of help can you please email me. i will explain my problem then. thank you

  381. zara

    I’m really stressed and have no-one to talk to about my situation. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. i know i’ve commited a big sin and I want to change as a better muslim to stop the sins. By this I want to do a Nikah. The guy is a muslim, but my parents disagree to our marriage and i’ve had abuse from home due to them learning about him. They don’t disagree because anything is wrong with him, its just the choice whom I marry HAS to be decided by them and them only. I REALLY have no idea what i’m suppose to do. The person they wish for me to marry (my cousin) is not a person I could spend my life with. If one does not respect his mother, how can he respect any other women? Even though I went into a relationship and done now, i’m repenting and hoping there is a way for me to live my life with him the right way. You may say ask a member of the family/imaam to speak to my parents, but this is IMPOSSIBLE! I have no elder member in the family I can talk to. In islam you need to respect parents. but how can I do this, when I am being treated without respect? Is there a way for me to marry without the consent of my parents, as I have NO hope in them ever listening to me. I hate how they treat me SO differently to my brother. They make me feel so rubbish and I can’t turn to anyone to discuss this matter with, but the guy whom I want to spend my life with. Besides him I don’t have anyone. I want to do whats right in islam, i’ve tried to turn towards my religion and try change to be a better muslim. Please advise me whats right to do

    • zaak (hiding real name)

      Assalamu alaikum

      Dear Sister,

      Firstly, from ur explanation one can understand that u belong to one of the asian countries like India or pakistan or bangladesh. Most People belonging to these countries are poor in knowledge about Islam and treat sons better than their daughters. May Allah guide me and everyone

      Secondly, U said u was in a relationship with a guy, i know that at this stage he is a very nice person but sister can u guarantee that he will not change with time,means after marriage. So offer prayers everyday and read tahajjud prayer and read salat hajat prayer and repent before Allah and always ask Allah to provide u the best thing in this world and hereafter.

      Thirdly, as u have asked me about marriage without the consent of ur parents, inshallah i will answer u after knowing it from scholars within few days, just plz remind me if in case i forgot to answer u

      finally, dear sister, plz pray for everyone goodness and in this world and hereafter

      ur brother in islam

      • zara

        Thank you for your reply. I am acutaulley living in the uk (I was born here). You can imagine how bad the situation is knowing i’m from uk. There are MANY restirctions for me and for him anything is ok. In fact any anger my parents have on him they ALWAYS take it out on me. I’m a 20 year old and its like living in a prison. I pray Allah helps me, but i’m still struggling EVERYDAY! I know this guy has a good character as others I know , know him before we met. He has helped me through struggles,My parents have no islamic reasons as to why I can’t marry him. Its like I said, my marriage HAS to be their choice. They have already ruined my sisters life by marrying her to someone she didn’t want to, but blackmailed her and so she went through with it. But her life is living hell and I DON’T WANT THE SAME

      • zara

        How long more do I need to wait for a reply? Please if you could provide me me with a response asap. Thank you

  382. muslim brother

    pls answer me if having a good relationship is also not allowed????

    • Riyah

      Dear muslim brother,
      I don’t think your allowed to have any relationships not even if it’s a good one a girl and a boy can’t even be friends let alone have a relationship.

  383. ummaeh ruqhaya(converted)

    i want a counsellor who can answer me to sum typical issuesas as am a coverted muslim,if u provide me soon i will be thankfull to you

  384. samzam

    i have just read the article and i feel much more better now,… plus i have made a promise to allah that am never ever gona disobey allah ever. i hope he forgives me not only for this…many other things to…Am greatfull for being a muslim…and there is nothing much important then that…..i love ALLAH….THANKS FOR THE ADVICE AND MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU… 🙂

  385. Zainab Beth

    It ws such a wonderful article. May Allah bless you.

  386. Shamila

    you have mentioned alot in this article. but may i ask you something and would appreciate a quick reply. i have been in a relationship for a couple of years now, and we are still very strong and happy together. and yes i strongly agree that we need to sincerely repent for not being patient and making mistakes before marriage but we want to get married to each other. however my family doesnt approve of his family and have arranged for me to marry someone else. in this situation what do i do? i have trust in my partner that he will do everything posible to make our marriage work and as will i. my family won’t listen when i am saying that i dont want to marry elsewhere as there is only two weeks until the wedding. so if i marry my long term partner will allah ever forgive us? for one, making mistakes before marriage, and two going against my parents. he is tellin me to come away with him and do our nikah but i fear that allah will never forgive us. my family say that this arranged marriage is a fresh start for me, but i want to make my past relationship stronger and better and fufill my intention to marry him. please reply.

    • Shamila

      how long until i get a response? i would appreciate if you could get in touch quickly. thank you.

    • Shamila

      i still havent had a reply to my question, i am vey disappointed as this one the only place i could ask for guidance from a scholar